[superdog]

Lulu, I like this. You wear many hats. As do I, very different to a mask.

I have also learned that what matters to me matters most. If others do not appreciate this or don't like it then I am sorry about that but I will be true to me. As long as I hurt no one in the process then it's my right.

I know there are people out there who may not like me. I know that I never intentionally made that so but fine, they don't have to. Just respect me as a human being and I will back and that's all I ask.

I am an open person mainly because I have nothing in me that I wish to hide. There is personal stuff sure, but ask me and I will tell you. This is the part that I definitely do not identify in mlcers as they truly have a lot to hide hence the secrecy and lies.

I do hope that many other here will get to the stage we are at and discover who they are and be at ease with whatever choices they make for the future. I also hope that no one will brush the acts of the mlcer under the carpet. If they have been successful in their own passage then they will not see fit to let anyone in that will not treat them with the respect they deserve.

I love the saying to thine own self be true, it should be our motto.

Sd
X

[Mermaid]

A very deep and insightful post, SD, and something I think about a lot. Yes, there is a reason why we attract that type of partner. In my case, my father shares a lot of the same characteristics as my H, and some I swore I would avoid at all costs.

There are things about us that they need. Like you, if I thought I was getting a confident and intelligent man, he thought he was getting a happy, intelligent woman. I was full of fun and outgoing, like his sister (who married someone even more controlling and introverted than her brother). I want really as happy and confident as he thought, and although my H really was my rock for many years, until he crumbled. I needed that rock. Like my father, he's a very introverted rock, mistrustful of people, but with solid values.

The point is, once we've seen ourselves in the mirror, it's up to us to change ourselves, grow, become more adult, calmer, more understanding, yet more detached, with clearer boundaries.

That's long, hard work.

[Searching4Answers]

My h said to me at the start of all this that his "friend" reminded him of me. I was so offended at the time, but actually he was right only I grew out of that, he was drawn to his mirror from back then. He has often said he is envious of me. The way I felt in the early days when I wanted to be more like him, now the tables have turned. I believe he is envious and that scares him. He doesn't have to try with his friend, she is nothing he wants to be. I am the one he admires in all honesty.

I love how threads appear just when you need them Thanks Old Pilot!

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I can see how OW has traits in her that I had once upon a time. It has felt like H has been trying to recreate our early days and this has some what freaked me out, which is what got me to thinking about what we mirrored in each other. (this is something I was bringing up with my therapist) I came to the same conclusion that superdog did - I grew but H didn't No wonder he doesn't want me anymore - we don't mirror each other anymore. I guess time will tell if we ever will again.

I am an open person mainly because I have nothing in me that I wish to hide. There is personal stuff sure, but ask me and I will tell you. This is the part that I definitely do not identify in mlcers as they truly have a lot to hide hence the secrecy and lies.

This is so me but I let H squash it

The character traits I identified in my spouse that most attracted me (albeit that they were a mask of his) were in actual fact the ones I needed to bring out in myself as I matured, which I did. That's very interesting.

I see this too - it is interesting that we were able to grow even though it was a mask.