[StillStanding]

HeyJude posted this article elsewhere and I didn't want it to get lost. It has helpful tips on dealing with your MLCer's drama and helping to gain detachment.

Don’t Respond to Drama and Drama Won’t Come Back Around

[I reckon so]

HB, I really get a lot out of your post. You have a great deal of wisdom and insight and you put your thoughts down very well. I am wondering if you could share with the how the Lord gave you the assurance of the outcome in the beginning? Through prayer and reading the scriptures the Lord has prepared me along this journey. For me, BD was January, 2013. My W moved out in November, 2013. The main place that the Lord has, I feel, spoken to me through in the scriptures ends in redemption and reconciliation. All the things that I feel He has prepared me for have happened. In hindsight I believe He was speaking to me about her eventually leaving. In my heart way deep down, I just don't feel like it is over even though she left and has filed for D. If you are able to, could you share how you knew?

Thanks, IRS

[StillStanding]

Unfortunately, HB left this site a while back and no longer posts here.

If I knew the answer to your question, I'd gladly share it...

[BB64]

HB, I really get a lot out of your post. You have a great deal of wisdom and insight and you put your thoughts down very well. I am wondering if you could share with the how the Lord gave you the assurance of the outcome in the beginning? Through prayer and reading the scriptures the Lord has prepared me along this journey. For me, BD was January, 2013. My W moved out in November, 2013. The main place that the Lord has, I feel, spoken to me through in the scriptures ends in redemption and reconciliation. All the things that I feel He has prepared me for have happened. In hindsight I believe He was speaking to me about her eventually leaving. In my heart way deep down, I just don't feel like it is over even though she left and has filed for D. If you are able to, could you share how you knew?

Thanks, IRS

You sound like you do know. Don't question why. I know too and have always done, even now that he has sent me into the depth of nowhere.
If you are filled with confidence that your w will come back but you are not sure why you do know...you have answered your own question 

[I reckon so]

You sound like you do know. Don't question why. I know too and have always done, even now that he has sent me into the depth of nowhere.
If you are filled with confidence that your w will come back but you are not sure why you do know...you have answered your own question 

Thanks Booboo, I guess the truth is that I am afraid to really let go and believe that she will come home someday. When will someday be, what will she be like, what will our marriage be like, what if I believe and she never does? I have had no problem believing the negative things would happen, crazy isn't it? One evening while winding down football practice for my sons team, I felt impressed by the Lord to give Him the night in prayer. About midnight as I was out walking and praying I suddenly felt this thought flood into my consciousness. The thought was that my W had just stepped onto a road that would lead to an affair. It was very sobering to say the least. As I thought about what I felt the Lord spoke to me and all of the emotions I was feeling at the time, I felt that the Lord was also asking me what would I do. If that was to happen, would I forgive her and be willing to reconcile? I feel the Lord revealed that to me and gave me the decision to make. I settled that night that I would forgive her if she did. I don't know if she has had a PR or not or if she will, but I have already committed to forgiveness and R. I Know the Lord is working in me just as much as He is working in her and both of our roads will not be easy. I pray everyday that He give me the opportunity to deal with the hurt and shame and be able to offer unconditional love and forgiveness to my W someday and that our family is back together again.

IRS

[StillStanding]

From the thread on boundaries and consequences:

http://www.leslievernick.com/2013/12/23/more-clarity-on-boundaries-and-consequences/

Boundaries in relationships help us take ownership: One of the biggest problems in maintaining healthy relationships is the lack of ownership. We don’t take ownership of our own feelings. We are not authentic. Instead we placate, please, pretend or pass off responsibility saying things like “It’s your fault I feel so mad.”

We also don’t typically own our own wrong-doing and confess it. Instead we blame-shift, minimize, rationalize, lie and make excuses. And we don’t want to own our own limitations. Instead we over-function and end up feeling like victims (telling ourselves that we had no choice) or resentful martyrs (because we said yes when we wanted to say no).

Having a clear understanding of our boundaries changes that. Boundaries help us own OUR feelings, OUR thoughts, OUR needs, OUR desires, OUR beliefs, values, and attitudes, OUR behaviours, and OUR words. They are 100%, ours. Our boundaries help clarify what we have to work on (ourselves), and that we are not responsible to manage the thoughts, feelings, values, words, or behaviours or another adult person anymore than we are responsible to manage what they put into their mouth to eat.

[Musica]

A resource to help when you are having a bad day ...  5 mins and 38 seconds that could help you 

http://www.upworthy.com/having-a-bad-day-heres-46-powerful-things-you-should-really-hear?c=upw1


Hope it helps someone xxxx

[Musica]

A resource to improve self-esteem ..for women

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWi5iXnguTU

And for men ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTAn-tk2pDA

Hope I am posting these in the right place!!  They are heavily based on Christianity ... but still give a good message to those of other faith, or those who do not believe in any faith!

xxx

[OldPilot]

A great resource for Victim - Rescuer - Persecutor Triangle.

For the LBS this is a MUST read!

http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/