[FindingJoJo]

Mine refers to it as like two blurry tv screens floating one in front of the other.  In fact he told me on Wednesday that for the first time in a year he got a clear picture of me and knows that I love him and he loves me but he still has to go and fix himself (haha......booze, drugs, gambling and women are his fixes).  He still left though, living a life like that must be terrible.  Not sure if I should have offered him popcorn so he could enjoy the blurry show through those floating blurred TV screens......lol. 

[crazyjourney]

My h is now talking about abandonment or at least he was, think he has gone off on his bike again now.

If it wasnt all so awful it would be funny.

I used to be obsessed with trying to fathom out where he was in the stages, but I sharp learned it is amlost impossible because of all the to and fro, pedal your bike forward, pedal it backwards, loop the loop, still not happy try again, that about sums it up.

It all takes a bit of believing doesnt it and yet we are seeing and hearing it all for real, no wonder it has never become recognised properly, its like huh!!!!

x

[FindingJoJo]

I think for me the obsession of learning about his illness kept my mind focused on something.  This time around though I don't feel obsessed about it, he is in replay, replay, replay.  I must stop cycling, cycling and cycling due to worry about him.  I saw this last week just how truly broken and low he has become, now all I can do is believe he can be healed.  My faith will sustain me I know, but even though I made tremendous strides in the past I know they were nothing to what is coming now. 

Do you ever wake up feeling like this is the first day a fresh start and somehow you know something large is coming your way?  Today is that day and I am crying for the joy of it, not for the pain of H a miracle in itself.  It is such a nice lovely feeling knowing that all will be as it should be in the end if I just let go and let God.