[Albatross]

1. Nonverbal communication, including body language
2. Verbal communication
3. Internet communication

I like to talk about this. It is very useful tools how to read other person real state - avoid his/her MASK !

We all should study nonverbal communication which include body language.
In verbal communication you can find out a lot things and unmask them as well.

All of that can be very useful in both ways. Unmask MLCer and get real information about big picture. also You can try to fake own insecurities if you have them FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT (very useful in early days of BD).

Also I am keen of theory that FB and other internet media are great playground for MLCers, there they can mask self great ! They can make web as spiders to catch OP because they aren't limited by time communicating. Also they can show self to OP as ideal ego, how they see own self in their fantasy. They can project on OP whatever they like ! Not hearing and not seeing OP and OP don't see or hear MLcer is wild playground of fantasy projection in both ways ! They can take any fantasy role which they want...

Thoughts !

[in it]

BIG TIME but i don't use Facebook at all! I've seen it on here referred to as Fakebook and worse.

 I think this has been a generation of me, me, me, and Facebook is the perfect fantasy land to play in.

At BD three years ago I noted something very interesting. Ex was different in all of his communication forms.

Emails were mostly business somewhat unemotional UNTIL one night I dropped a bomb on him about not seeing him due to how he had treated me on the phone. I returned the call and told him I had had enough.

The next morning..big email about how he felt about things.

Whenever I saw him in person he was all over the place ( and took me with him)

On the phone? He was the most cruel.

I still think emails and texting provides a "mask" to feelings someone can be crying thier eyes out and type and never say a thing about the emotions they are going through.

[Snowdrop]

Also I am keen of theory that FB and other internet media are great playground for MLCers, there they can mask self great ! They can make web as spiders to catch OP because they aren't limited by time communicating. Also they can show self to OP as ideal ego, how they see own self in their fantasy. They can project on OP whatever they like ! Not hearing and not seeing OP and OP don't see or hear MLcer is wild playground of fantasy projection in both ways ! They can take any fantasy role which they want...

I don't have Facebook either, through choice, and agree it is the ideal place to show off the facade, either individually, or with the OW/OM relationship, and how "perfect" it all is, and therefore confirming their choices.

On one of Hs rare occasions, he asked D if she wanted to be his FBook friend, which of course she ignored.

So perfect to be able to have a place to make up your story, and show it to the world as being real.  It can all be orchestrated, and well thought out before posting, and the feedback can be somewhat "controlled" too.

On the other hand, it can also make them look like the complete fools that they are as they are on some other planet, and no clue about how ridiculous they act and sound.  Again, these Facebook "friends" are all chosen.

Such a sham and fake, but ideal for those in MLC.

[Albatross]

When people want to develop a good working relationship, they unconsciously match the non-verbal behavior and in particular the body language of the other person. Conversely, if someone is mirroring your non-verbal behavior, you subconsciously view this as a positive sign.

Non-verbal communication signals are not static and it is important to interpret non-verbal signals in their total context and to remember that social and cultural factors also need to be taken into account. Body language research shows that changing a negative body position unlocks a negative attitude and gives a better chance of getting a positive outcome. The following non-verbal signals may be useful in giving clues about internal emotions and attitudes.

Body

    Leaning forwards     =     Interest, attention
    Leaning away     =     Lack of interest
    Curling up     =     Regression
    Fig Leaf Position     =     Closed, protective

Head

    Erect     =     Neutral
    Tilted     =     Interested
    Bent down     =     Judgmental or negative
 
Eyebrows

    Fully raised     =     Disbelief
    Half raised     =     Surprise
    Normal     =     No comment
    Half lowered     =     Puzzled
    Fully lowered     =     Angry

Hand and arm gestures

    Palms open     =     Open
    Gripping arm chair     =     Holding in feelings
    Fingers steepled     =     Superior and confident
    Thumb gestures     =     Controlling
    Hand-Held in pockets     =     Casual, could not care less
    Hand-held behind body     =     Very nervous, compensating with aggression
    Arms crossed     =     Unapproachable, not open to comment
    Wringing of Hands     =     Nervous, unsure


93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of a performance was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal communication.

[in it]

I find body language very interesting I read a book about it once but it was a really old book. I've looked up some online but sometimes I don't agree with interpretations.

I do notice more how people communicate non-verbally. I usually pay more attention to what they are saying ,how they are saying it..voice inflection and emotion.

I find sometimes the way I'm dressed or other people dress shows some sign of thier confidence in themselves.

Our minister encourages us to pray with palms open.

[Albatross]

Of course, we should use all senses to get big picture. Sound of voice, how someone talk, speed of talking, how big percentage of talking between two people, body posture, eyes, other body language, own intuition and so on, previous experiences, specially with that person. Yep so many signs to catch. If You are more listener then You have much time to process all of those information. Also is important sensing how other person listen when You talk. That is bit harder, but advantage is that other person send less information when they listen instead talking.

[in it]

I tend to get interrupted ...a lot. So I have to talk really fast to get my point across or be very patient until someone is done. I don't get listened to a lot so sometimes I just give up. I try to implement the "wise old old thing" but it's really hard.

I think I'm a really good listener sometimes there's feedback I want to give and interupt also but I'm afraid I'll forget what I'm going to say.

But a friend of mine went on a tirade over something with her son the other day. I listened assessed what she was saying at the beginning, stayed quiet, let her vent and came back with how I looked at things.

So sometimes I just shut my ears off when I understand WHAT someones upset about..wait until thier done... THEN make my point.

[Snowdrop]

Thats why facebook can be so misleading and damaging at times.  No verbal communication, etc. just a posed picture.  All depends who is looking, I guess, and their relationship with the person.  If they are "friends" met since mlc started, they wont see the fakeness as this is who they know them to be, but for those who knew them before, I would imagine we would see them go from bad to worse. 

I think looking at an mlc spouses facebook could be so painful, unless you are fully detached.  Rubbing salt into the wounds, and why would you do that to yourself and inflict more pain.  You need to heal. Each to his own , but i see it as self-sabotage to do it.

[toughtimes]

I have not been able to look at Facebook or twitter since all this happened because it is too painful. I have come across the odd comment on Facebook which came up when i logged on and it made me feel so jittery. I got a friend to look at ows twitter and she was laughing and saying "oh good grief, it's inane rubbish, total conceited cr@p" which made me feel a bit better. Best not to look because everyone fakes all that stuff, it's only ever the fabulous things they are doing and most people come across as boring anyway even though they are desperate to appear dynamic.

My H is often  very happy when he arrives and seems relaxed, although he does ignore me, in front of the kids. I say hello and he does reply but that is it. If I try to make conversation he always ends up showing his dislike of me, annoyance. It's subtle but obvious, oxymoron I know but it's the only way to describe it. My H has a quivering lip that is very revealing of his emotion, I notice it when he feels rather pleased with himself. When he is angry he goes a bit blotchy and he has always displayed passive aggressive traits, ignoring, dismissing, waving his hand in a dismissive way, turning his back etc...