[BraveNewWorld]

I think 'all things in moderation'. There is a lot of potential for good from social networking and better tools for communication. Equally they can be used negatively. I'm sure our spouses don't see them as negative.

I have a bit of a different take on it too. I'm a software developer and I work to develop collaborative tools on the internet. I make use of interfaces to social networking apps. I would say that FaceBook is very controlled with its interfaces - it has a huge amount of data inside it that it can one day use to make a fortune through profiling and advertising.

The other thing that I would say is that the culture on FaceBook - certainly the way that my wife uses it, is to project a world that is smart and funny and young and cool. Right up the street for MLC.

My wife status updates the tiniest things. She has an adoring following of her high school friends. Especially the men. Even if we do something as a family she updates to make it look like she did it by herself. It is an important part of her life right now - first thing she looks at in the morning or when she comes in. It is as though she gets a psychological boost from responses to her posts. And she plays games on it too.

I've recently stopped looking at it and have been slowly stopping my FB account from notifying me of anything.

Somehow I feel that Twitter has a different/healthier culture with it.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

The other thing that I would say is that the culture on FaceBook - certainly the way that my wife uses it, is to project a world that is smart and funny and young and cool. Right up the street for MLC.
My wife status updates the tiniest things. She has an adoring following of her high school friends. Especially the men. Even if we do something as a family she updates to make it look like she did it by herself. It is an important part of her life right now - first thing she looks at in the morning or when she comes in. It is as though she gets a psychological boost from responses to her posts. And she plays games on it too.
I've recently stopped looking at it and have been slowly stopping my FB account from notifying me of anything.

This is my first time reading this thread (yeah I know, I'm a total slacker).  I'm fascinated with this whole Facebook thing.  My husband had a Facebook account for at least a year before BD and right around that time is when it became his LIFE.  I'm The Invisible Wife, I've never got so much as a brief mention, picture or anything on his page.  Yeah status may say Married but that's only because I did it long ago before he even cared who was on Facebook or what all you could do on there.  He is on his Blackberry morning, noon & night and it doesn't matter to him where we are or what we're doing.  I'm sick of all that click click clicking that goes on while he types away on his phone.  I just want to scream GROW UP!  Why does he care who just cleaned out their garage or who is watching "X Factor" or who is craving peach cobbler?  If you wouldn't call everyone, text everyone or even email everyone to tell them whatever random thought happens to be in your mind, why would you feel the need to post it?  I used to like FB, but my H's MLC killed it for me.

[NewBeginnings]

About a month before BD,  my H and I were talking about it because some guy tagged me in a picture and it wasn't even me.  My H said, "I won't have anything to do with FB because I would get into trouble!" 

[LeaveThePastBehind]

I really dis*like Facebook and I'm not a big fan of all the constant new technology either ( I try to be as eco-friendly as I can be    ) but I do appreciate all it's good for. As for the negatives, in regards to mlc / infidelity, I think they are counterbalanced by the fact that we can actually find evidence, if we seek it ~ I, personally, don't because not searching makes it a little easier to detach. 

[Anjae]

Well, no Cyber World, no this forum. Technology needs someone to use it. Affairs, broken marriages and parading OW/OM in town have been around for millennia (think Julius Cesar taking Cleopatra to Rome - ok, those people had fixed marriages and did not expect a faithful spouse, but taking her to Rome was a bit too much even to the all tolerant romans).

If a person is up to an affair they will get it, technology or not. Technology, if tehy are using it in a careless way, just makes it much easier for us to see what they are up to and to them to show themselves to a larger audience (FB, for example) in a shorter amout of time.

But it is upon the user to be responsable for the use they make of technology. Agree with BNW, it is a question of moderation. And common sense.

[BonBon]

I do agree that if someone is going to have an affair, EA or PA, they will find a way.
But, with that said, I do think that FB and so on, create a fantasy world that appeals to MLCers.  I also think MLCers will find more kindred spirits on these social sites than if they weren't around.  And I think cell phones and computers make covert behavior one heck of alot easier than it would have been long ago.

FB is full of people avoiding growing up...or growing younger as the case may be and full of the most superficial relationships.  It is also a place where someone can brag or show off without having to do that face to face.  And it creates the perfect forum for someone in need of attention.  I don't believe it is the cause of affairs but I do believe it is something that makes these situations that much worse truth be told.

I know that there are now stats on divorce lawyers citing FB as an emerging and quickly increasing reason cited for marital breakups.

Interestingly, one of my H's friends on FB, one that he hadn't seen in years and is now back in touch with, just made an announcement on his FB page that he is dropping out of FB.  No explanation...just a "see you later....I'm out".  Now there's the chance he just got sick of it or is too busy but since I'm used to reading about the horrors of marriage and Facebook, I immediately wondered if his wife had anything to do with his deciding to leave.  This guy was a "regular".  And now he's outta there...hmmm...

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

Interestingly, one of my H's friends on FB, one that he hadn't seen in years and is now back in touch with, just made an announcement on his FB page that he is dropping out of FB.  No explanation...just a "see you later....I'm out".  Now there's the chance he just got sick of it or is too busy but since I'm used to reading about the horrors of marriage and Facebook, I immediately wondered if his wife had anything to do with his deciding to leave.  This guy was a "regular".  And now he's outta there...hmmm...

If the wife did have something to do with it I sure wish she would pass the secret along to me.  Maybe that's how I'll know MLC is over, my H will say "I'm so bored w/Facebook."

[BonBon]

W2HF - lol.  I know what you mean.

I hate it..despise it actually.  But RCR once said to me that perhaps I should look at this in a more positive way, for my particular situation.  She pointed out that this is H's social life and that maybe it in an outlet that could deflect worse outlets.   It was a good point so I've tried to remind myself of that.  It does help.  But, I'm a human LBS and I still hate it, still believe that I have been hurt and embarrassed by it and that his use of it has caused problems for us.  So, I too will be happy the day H tells me he and his FB are no longer!

[Chrysalis]

My ex doesn't really use FB and only went on it because his daughter wanted to list him as her father.  Unfortunately, it was enough for OW to look him up and pursue him.  She is always posting on FB but so far has not posted any pictures of the two of them.

I agree that these affairs would happen, with or without the social media, but it does seem to make it a lot easier...