[Shantilly Lace]

OK RCR reconciled she has no kids.
Stayed reconciled her kids I believe were all out of home.

They may use kids as the excuse or money to ome home.  But in the long run I don't think it matters.

[BonBon]

I completely agree with Shantilly.
Look, some people with huge families, mortgages, pets, debt...every tie imaginable and they still walk and never return.  Some with out a marriage license, no kids, no pets, nothing legally binding leave and return or never leave...whatever.

I honestly don't think it has a bearing either way.  Now in other situations, yes, you often hear "I stayed for the kids" or whatever.  But not in MLC.  Think of how many previously good parents up and abandon their kids. 

MLC just has no clear pattern of who stays, who leaves, who returns....etc.  In my opinion.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

Thank you all for your comments.  I guess my biggest fear is that once my H decides to cross the line and have a PA (if he has not already) it will be with a woman who has children, since most people our age do have children.  I figure he may have some trouble leaving an OW to come back to me if he's gotten "attached" to her children.  Like I said, before BD he wasn't even that close with his godchildren, hadn't seen either of them for over a year and then their father happened to call my H one day and the rest is history.  At this time, my H was hating me and ignoring me and all that.  He started spending time with the kids like they're a lifeline.  One time I was even volunteering at a church function and since they had activities for kids he brought them.
Yes, this is the same church he stopped attending.  Do you know how it felt to have your husband show up to this thing, while you're trying to smile and get things done, and he's playing this new role of kid-adoring uncle for everybody to see?  He didn't ignore me completely but he certainly did keep his distance, as if we were nothing special to one another.  He chose to put his love for me aside and give it instead to these kids and it hurt.  It still hurts because he puts their photos on his phone yet he's never put my photo there.  But if I were to mention this pain it'd be like I'm this evil woman who just hates the kids (I DO NOT).

[BonBon]

Wed,
I read the pain in your story and I can imagine how awful that was.  That was a really cruel thing for him to do and shame on him.  Intended or not...it was rotten.

Now, that said, remember that in MLC they want nothing they have and everything they don't.  The one thing I learned in all this was to not trust anything they say.  Really.  It's a 50/50 issue right now.  Maybe kids are at the core of what he wants but it's just as likely they aren't.  I would not even presume to guess. 

I even said to my H once that his whole issue was what I wrote above...not wanting what he had...wanting everything he didn't.  And good luck with that in life.  He agreed actually.  It was a bit of a lightbulb for him I think.

My larger questions is to ask why he would go to the church as I'm sure he knew you would be there, right?  Seems a little contrived, doesn't it?

[StillStanding]

Thank you all for your comments.  I guess my biggest fear is that once my H decides to cross the line and have a PA (if he has not already) it will be with a woman who has children, since most people our age do have children.  I figure he may have some trouble leaving an OW to come back to me if he's gotten "attached" to her children.

If you are talking about a typical affair, I would agree that is possible.

But if you're talking about MLC, then all bets are off. Once you are out of the picture, his new woman (and her kids!) can quickly become the source of all of his problems.

MLCers who are looking for "freedom" aren't necessarily going want to be tied down to a ready-made family. In this hypothetical scenario, your H will never be their "real dad", especially if he's depressed or cycling; some women may like a man they can "rescue" or "fix", but kids don't want a stepdad like that. There can be tension between your H and his family because they see his his new woman as the "homewrecker", even if she didn't know he was married or he fed her some line about being on the verge of divorcing you (married men have been lying to women in order to get a little action on the side for ages!).

[LeaveThePastBehind]

We have no children. My stance on children, for the most part, has always been, there are way too many children in the world... too many that already need a home... are starving, unloved, etc., why bring more kids into this cruel world? If it came to it, I always thought it would be a good idea for us to adopt. Not only that, but we couldn't afford it. Selfish? Maybe. I guess I just never had a strong maternal instinct. He never really brought up the idea of children.


However, closer to bomb drop, approximately two years before, he began to mention a baby. I thought about it, and I began to seriously consider us having a child. Once in a while I'd, very subtly, elude to the fact that we should just go for it. At around the time of Bomb drop, I was secretly hoping that we'd have a surprise 'cause I was finally ready to give him this amazing gift. A decision I didn't take lightly.


Anyway, he left to be with OP who, I eventually found out, had a young son.   I recall, a month before bd, My five year old cousin was at my parents house and H was ecstatic to play with him. H was wrestling and giddy with joy to play with this boy and I took note of it ( I didn't know why at the time ). I often wonder about the bond between h and Op's son. I don't even know if he and OP are still together. I have no idea. I understand your thinking, wed2him4ever.

[StandandDeliver]

Listen, this is just my 2cents but I actually think that kids are irrelevant in this (to a point). My H ran away from our life (including a 1 year old and a 5 year old). Since then he has a very nice set up where he sees his kids for a couple of weekends a month and for a few weeks here and there during holidays. Other than that he has no responsibilities. He can focus on his career, screw his much younger OW, be a part-time fun Dad without any real child rearing responsibilities. Given that he gets to pick and choose all the best bits from his life so that he can "have it all",  maybe I should be asking what are the chances of him and I reconciling? It would seem as unlikely as if we had no children (afterall the children didn't keep him from running despite the fact that he loves them - I heard, "I don't believe people should stay together just for the sake of their children".
The MLC is about running away from what they have, believing it can be better somewhere else. If kids had ANYTHING to do with the decision making process, then the MLCers on here with children would not have left their families with relative ease.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

My larger questions is to ask why he would go to the church as I'm sure he knew you would be there, right?  Seems a little contrived, doesn't it?

He did it because we have no money and it was the only free event to take them to.  He is a salesman and uses lots of gas to get to his appointments.  The kids live like an hour's drive away.  He could not afford to go pick them up and take them back in the first place, let alone DO anything with them.  But he was determined to do it regardless, which is how it has been since BD.

Once you are out of the picture, his new woman (and her kids!) can quickly become the source of all of his problems.

This is my thinking too because he treats kids more like toys than people.  I don't think he REALLY REALIZES the work involved.

Anyway, he left to be with OP who, I eventually found out, had a young son.   I recall, a month before bd, My five year old cousin was at my parents house and H was ecstatic to play with him. H was wrestling and giddy with joy to play with this boy and I took note of it ( I didn't know why at the time ).

Yes, my H's godson is like 4 or 5 now and that's how my H reacts.  At BD my H made his rage against me all about how he's no longer happy where we're living.  He kept on about how he wanted to leave, and it didn't seem to occur to him he wouldn't be close to his godchildren.  They weren't even a factor.  Then all of a sudden, they're like the most important people in his life.  It makes me wonder if he's trying to impress someone on Facebook, make her think he'd be this great family man?  I don't know!
He doesn't call these children to talk to them, and he doesn't go to visit them.  The only time he goes to see them is if he gets the chance to take them out to something, some event/activity where he can take photos.  It's so different from who I married.

The MLC is about running away from what they have, believing it can be better somewhere else. If kids had ANYTHING to do with the decision making process, then the MLCers on here with children would not have left their families with relative ease.

I agree with you.  I think my H believes right now he would have some satisfaction knowing he had a child "out there", but his behavior ever since BD has been ANYTHING BUT PARENTAL.  He was more of what we consider suitable father material BEFORE he actually took any interest in children!  I also think around the time of BD when he mentioned his grandfather's death hitting him (this is the man who raised him), he got some sort of idea that re-living his childhood and taking on the guardian role is an opportunity for a cosmic do-over.  I didn't put it together at the time.  He was ALWAYS very cool with possibly adopting a child later in life if we want to but after MLC hit he was quick to tell me that's not good enough.  Again, that is SO different from him!

[BonBon]

Wed,
I know its been said...but I'll say it again...its all about the MLC.  Children are terrific so long as they aren't another noose around the MLCers neck, right?  They have no clue as to what they want.  Sincerely.

Hugs,
Bon