[moc]

longhaul - OMG, I almost peed my pants when you stated that about RDA.  Is he still living with you?  Are you both on the way to reconciliation?  I need to read your blog, sorry I hadn't. 

Wed2Him4Ever - hmm, sounds like he has more progesterone than testosterone if he is asking that and replying that you think he is fat...which I know you don't care.  Sorry but that sounds typically what my wife would say (stereotypically female comment).

NewBeginnings - nearly in all cases they "affair down" as it boosts their own self-esteem.  They don't think they can be with someone of your high caliber so they get to be the Knight in Shining Armor for some struggling down on their luck skank.  In my case, it was a boy who didn't grow up out of high school (35yr old compared to wife who is 43yr old).  It isn't about sex and my wife would tell you we have a really good sex life and I think she is honest about it.

WarriorPrincess - good girl!  How come he don't like the outfit in your avatar?  Maybe that would spark him?  Sorry, just lightening the mood.  If the subtle approach doesn't work, reach down and take aggressive measures.  But we all know, like I said above and it is VERY HARD (sorry for the pun) to fathom that it isn't about sex.  If it isn't, then why have sex then huh?  MANIPULATION of each other.  I have told my wife, if you think you are not getting it, reach down and teach me a lesson. 

All of this MLC got us into a fight about lack of sex from her point of view and also from mine.  Funny, you would think we would have figured that out.  But I wanted more adventure and she wanted it to stay the same just more.  By adventure I mean ONLY WITH HER but more exciting instead of the same-ol-same-ol.  She is starting to come around to it.  Which is odd because of the stories I heard about her and the OM and OW...yikes.  Not my bag...I don't share!

Sorry, TMI probably for you all.  But unfortunately and I hate it too...it is just sex right now for us and our spouses until after reconciliation or shortly into it.  I hate it too, I hate to share but get tested often.  I know I need to, I don't trust mine!  She could never "take care of herself" with manual excitement (sorry, TMI) so I THOUGHT (bad I know) I was probably safe from OM.  WRONG! 

Good day all! 

[Anjae]

But unfortunately and I hate it too...it is just sex right now for us and our spouses until after reconciliation or shortly into it.

This is a bit sad, isn't it?...

moc, If there is one thing I'm certain about MLC, and MLC affair, is that it is not about the sex. The sex is probably the last relevant thing. So, I figure it is what you were telling NB, they need an affair down to boost their low self-esteem. Funnily, we, the ones they don't want or care for, really are too good and out of their league.

[moc]

AnneJ - exactly right. It is extremely sad and I dont know about you, but I do take it personally as I know I shouldnt.  But I dont share well, er at all.  They see things in the affair down personae that we may have been once before when we first met our spouse. But they want that back, the hormonal driven ridiculousness that makes their crotch and heart flutter.  Symptom, OK I will buy it but doesnt make it any easier.  We are too good for them. How often do you hear of an MLCer that affairs up?  It might feel like a relief that the OM/OW is a bowser (to quote momma bear) but if we let it, it is an insult.  Something I try to deal with constantly.

[Anjae]

Can't take it personally, moc. Have not seem my husband in 3.5 years and the last time we ML was in early 2007. Given I was the one the one putting an end to the ML (was having enough of that thing of it being just sex and the situation was not doing me any good), I removed myself from being just sex. My husband did tried to get me into that again in early 2008, after OW1 was no more, but I was not up to such type of game. He wanted us to meet in a hotel room... Think he thought I was OW1 (they use to meet in hotel rooms before BD)... So, I'm the one with no LM with spouse, no spouse and, so far, no reconciliation. A true lonesome cowgirl! 

You're right, never heard of an MCLer having an affair up.

Don't think OW/OM is a bowser, just someone with poor judgement. Well, rather than thinking it is an insult to us, I see it as an insult to themselves. They were the ones who made such affair down poor choice.

[In this for ME]

longhaul - OMG, I almost peed my pants when you stated that about RDA.  Is he still living with you?  Are you both on the way to reconciliation?  I need to read your blog, sorry I hadn't.
He insisted I leave last year in july- had divorced me by early Sept.
Moved his skank in by November then moved her out by Dec.
 Totally ended everything with her in January of this year.
I just officailly moved back in this last month in October; but I've been living here since the end of June.

And your post about your W not being able to "take care of herself" I also have the same problem so even though you might feel it's TMI  I want you to know it helped me not feel like such a freak.

And AnneJ I'm glad you posted that about how long it's been for you since you've ML. I was starting to feel like a freak. I'm going on four years. I have only been divorced a little over a year but we stopped being intimate for quite a while before the BD.

So we still have not gotten that far. Relationship talk still makes him really nervous and I have a really hard time expressing myself because I don't want to scare him.