[barbiedoll]

All in hindsight .. I saw the very 1st true indication that something was going wrong in april 2012. We were in Paris, France. I had a "tangle" with my youngest daughter and she started to cry. He lost his mind , circled her like I was going to attack her , became extremely angry and almost panicked . Later , he said several cutting remarks and was incredibly mean. I will never forget how shocked we were. He has 5 daughters... he is very accustomed to crying, drama queen teenage girls and always preferred to leave that to me. She said she cried because " daddy scared me". The look on his face was nothing i had seen before. I have seen him struggle with anger ( huge huge efforts to control it ... biting his lip and clenching jaw was a new thing ) , irritation, short fuse, working 20 hours a day . He was like trying to love a very angry cold moving target. Then he would suddenlywarm up, apologize for being "self consumed" and the back to scarey angry. I asked many times.. he always said it was work, not to worry, nothing else was wrong. This was a man that NEVER EVER even told me or his kids to even "shut up please". I believed him when he said it was all about work ... I was wrong.  Bomb drop was May 2013. After bomb drop... about a week later... he said to me " I do not know how to retract what I have said". I asked him if he wanted to retract . He said NO.

[DMC]

My bomb drop was April 2013 but too looking back i can see signs back to summer 2011 so almost 2 years prior.

He disconnected and was questioning choices...said he wished we had another baby but had never said before...we planned to finish my secondment and try the following summer.

That summer i found some porn on his phone. .he denied it and said D7 had stumbled across it by accident...i went to question her and he admitted it?

He too was questioning relationships and I found a convo on Facebook with old girlfriend.

He was depressed with work and very down and frustrates.

We had a family holiday Dec 2011 and he was very distant and we had separate beds?

Jan 2012 was hus 40th..i held a surprise party and he said he was paranoid and uncomfortable.

Had a mini BD.

We rekindled spring summer 2012 and had fun then hus dad diagnosed terminal On over and passed Dec.

We got through Xmas,  his 4 1st birthday through to easter but he was angry touchy and distant.

BD April 2013.