[Breakingthecycle]

A MLC book by Jim Conway was left anonymously for H, which he duly read (surprise!) and then announced he had had an MLC and was now over it, and the issue was our relationship.

He has now passed this book onto a friend who he thinks is in a worse state than him!!!!  This friend has said to me that H is doing some really strange stuff and doesn't understand him! 

[gretta14]

After BD in 6/13 and due to my panic, I accused H of having a MLC (not knowing exactly what that even was).  I started researching MLC in October after finding literature in his office from a counsellor I didn't know he had seen last spring.  HE KNEW BEFORE I DID that he was in a MLC and never said anything.  How could he?  He hadn't said more than 5 words to me from January 15, 2013 to December 3, 2013, I was literally invisible to him. 

My husband is in the depth of Depression.  A couple of weeks ago he sent me an email with the Six Stages of MLC that he had found on the internet.  He was trying to break it to me that he was in MLC...Funny, because I obviously already knew and had read those stages so many times trying to figure out where he was!   He went as far as to ask me, "In those six stages of MLC where do you think I am?  How long until you think I will be better?"

What I found is that even though he knew what was "wrong" with him, it didn't make his MLC behaviors nonexistent.  My H REFUSED to have an affair - he didn't want to go there and become a "cliche".  However, he did admit to me he thought about it (finding an OW).  After talking to his counsellor he was told that another woman  wouldn't make him happy - but would make him unhappier now - and down the road - for many different reasons.  Thank God he talked to his counsellor about it and took that advice...BUT knowing he was in MLC  didn't stop him from ignoring me, lying to me, vanishing for days at a time, disconnecting from family and friends, becoming the opposite of who he was.  It didn't stop him from being selfish and self-centered and breaking my heart and any self worth.  He never moved out.   I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier?  I remember it being so hard crying myself to sleep knowing he was in the spare bedroom and didn't give a damn about me or my feelings...

We are now working on reconnecting and there seems to be a very dim light at the end of the tunnel.  He is attending ongoing counseling again after taking 6 months off.  He has also started taking antidepressants (after I insisted) due to his thoughts of suicide following his father's death the end of December. 

I don't believe he dwells on his MLC and we don't discuss it, unless he wants to.  At this time he is just trying to get his depression and anxiety under control.  We both know he needs to finish his journey and are living the best we can knowing there is a long road ahead of us.  I feel very fortunate that he acknowledges where he is at.