[patience.of.a.saint]

'terrified'...I went thru that...18 months worth...broke me financially but I got a draw..50/50 custody...(probably hosed her master plan)...sometimes you just have to remember..it doesn't matter if you think you can win..but it does matter that you fight for your kids

Agreed... Fight for your kids. I got full physical and legal custody of mine because he did not step up. My kids don't know it, but someday when they are adults and wonder about all this, he never once fought for them. I have never once said a bad word about him to them...his actions and behavior over the last nine years speaks for itself. It's his loss.

[Blondie]

A really good question Terrified, I don't know the answer so can only go by other people I know who've gone through separation and divorce. My sister had 2 S's with her ex, it was a fairly amicable split despite him having OW. They are all friends, even my sister and OW! They all spend Christmas together and go on hols together! He ended relationship with my sister but he's been reasonable throughout and has looked after her financially, always been there for S's.

My BFF  and her H split 7 years ago, he left for OW. They are still not divorced and he's never pushed for it. He sees kids every week, is friendly with her and supports her financially, he's never monstered or been difficult.

My H started affair this April this year, was indecisive for months but broke it off with OW and came to marriage counselling with me, decided he couldn't live without me, then started seeing OW again a month after declaring undying love for me, then left 3 weeks later and asked for divorce 2 weeks after that. After 23 years he wants shot of me asap, not seen our D's for 3 mths and doesn't seem too bothered by that, earns good money but has offered me a pittance and begrudges that, has frequently projected his temper at me, plus OW has been harassing me and is psychotic, def affair down. I do doubt it sometimes but I guess my divorce will be an MLC one!