[BonBon]

Hi PS,
Another vote for faking it.  Even though my H and I have come very far, he watches me like a hawk, looking for my disapproval or my indifference.  Though I have less to disapprove of or be indifferent about these days, it still can be hard when MLCer pops out.
And I too hated having to fake it...it offended me to be honest.  But for the most part, I did it. 

When there were things I could not deal with, I tried to busy myself with something else.
And I too looked to doggie to distract me and to give me a reason for coming home when the truth was, I was not happy confined in those walls.

Good luck!

[trusting]

I have a live-in MLCer also and I try to keep things light, positive, and as happy as I can.  I do fake it sometimes, most times I really am fine.  He has caught me at some very sad moments, but I don't care anymore.  I feel how I feel. 

Sometimes I will try to keep out of his way if I don't feel like I can be "happy" around him.  These days, he will ask me if I am mad at him, did he do something to upset me, etc. if I do avoid him.  That question always leaves me trying not to roll my eyes. 

[stayingthecourse]

Hi PS,

I remember feeling like this not long ago. i do not live with my H, but have had lots of contact because of kids. 

I think that even though they are out in MLC land they are aware of when we fake to much.  We do have to realize that they are also a person who knows us very well.

I always tried to be upbeat and happy, but sometimes I just could not do it. Most of my interactions with my H during this time were in public places, ball games and such.  When I could not fake it, I would just be quiet.  Strangely, H would almost always approach and start talking. Lol! Just when I needed space.

There may be a glimmer of light for you though.  When I started questioning my ability to continue to be upbeat, it was not long before the real me started coming back. I started to detach more in an effort to be able to be ME. My actions became more about how I needed to behave to keep myself from going into a depression.

I did not become nasty or mean or do anything to antagonize my H. I simply returned to being me for me. It had nothing to do with H or worring about how he would react to me.

Sorry, I know this is kind of rambing. lol!

STC

[Purple stain]

wow, a year later I'm in such a different place! Thanksgiving, it will be one year that my h moved out. It looks like he's going to divorce me and honestly, I no longer care to fake it. I'm in a much better place.

Honestly, I don't think my h will get it until I'm out of his life and have moved on...I do see him usually on Sundays when he picks up our doggie; he's here for about 2 min or so. He still looks miserable and he's getting old. He always looks tired and worn out. No need for me to fake it any more...I can be just me.

Thanks for the replies, I totally forgot I started that thread

[limitless]

Purple,
You sound strong.....
That's good...
Take care of yourself.

L