[grace2713]

I was feeling really down this past few days, good thing a friend post-MLC checked-in on me to see how am I coping up. The talk I had with him and his wife was really helpful for me.

I asked him if he was so sure when he left, coz my husband seems so sure that he wants to move on with his life now. He told me, "Moving away from your home, leaving your wife and kids, taking your stuff, starting a new business with my AP, of course I was sure! So I thought..."

I asked him what was his turning point. He told me that eventually MLCers do compare what they have now with their previous life, and should be able to learn from the mistakes they did. He and his wife suggested that the LBS spouse must let them be as it is a right of passage. He compared himself to a caged dog who has gotten free, that initially wandered out of excitement but eventually exhausted his energy and went home.

He also told me that during those times, he wouldn't admit he is in MLC, and that at current state, my husband wouldn't listen to anyone. If ever you're talking with your husband, keep it short and simple, do not explain or expound, make it straight to the point.

Like what other mentors in this site would advise, he told me that my husband has given me a gift of time, a "vacation", and that I should put that gift into good use, for me and my kids. He and his wife also told me to always pray for my husband. His wife showed me (with his permission) some of his messages when he was in MLC asking her to pray for him back then.

Bottomline, he told me two important things:
1. Haste makes waste
2. Less talk, less mistake

I am really thankful to this couple for taking the time to check in on me. I hope others will find these advise helpful as well.

[Thunder]

Thanks for posting that grace.  I believe it is so true.  When they are in this mindset you can not change the way the are feeling.

I always tell newbies if I knew then what I know now I would have taken a 2 year vacation.

[ember]

Thanks for the post, we always want to here from MLCers that make it out of the tunnel. Please post any more info that you might get.

Have a great day

Ember

[Learning strength]

Thank you for much for sharing that- always helps to get the insider view.
I have finally realized that this gift of time, a 'vacation" is exactly what I need for him

[Wildfire]

Thank you very much for posting this, grace. The line about caged dog really caught my attention. For about a year or two before BD, H really started becoming concerned about dogs that were tied up outside for long periods of time. I mean, REALLY concerned. He was knocking on people's doors. I know he cares about animals so I didn't read too much into it then but it did stick out to me. Looking back, I think he was projecting his own suffering onto those dogs. Then, when he served me with divorce papers he said he felt like he had been caged in all his life.

Interestingly, when I went through my own MLC I felt like I was being smothered or suffocated. I recall describing it to my IC as feeling like a horse that is tethered and just wants to run free. In fact, my name on here (Wildfire) was chosen because of the song, "Wildfire" by Michael Murphey. One line of the song:

"And the pony she named Wildfire busted down his stall...in a blizzard he was lost."

That line really describes my experience (although I would be a female pony  ). Of course now that I have made it to the other side of the tunnel, I now realize the only thing "tethering" me was myself and my own issues that needed to be dealt with.

Thank you again. Great post/thread!

[patience.of.a.saint]

2. Less talk, less mistake.

THIS...I am learning in texting with my MlCer. I have noticed that 2 sentences are too much for him, as he will only comment on the last one. I have also noticed simply not saying anything unless asked works well to keep from saying too much.

Interesting insight.