[sisyphus]

I would say post D, you can't say you're willing to work on your marriage. There isn't one in the eyes of the law. It's all in their court, though I guess you can make yourself enticing by being a better person you were before they split.

[Thunder]

I would like to chime in if I may.

I don't think it is a good idea to actually TELL them your are standing.  They will get that from your actions.  In the beginning they will see it as pressure and anger them. 

After wards there isn't much you can say but if you are not dating and your'e still friendly with him and open for conversations with him...he'll get the message.

[sisyphus]

I can't do friendly yet or conversation. Lol

[Thunder]

I know Sisyphus, It's hard to do when you're hurting.  I had to force myself to be friendly and light when I wanted nothing more than to strangle him.  lol

You know... fake it til you make it?   

[trusting]

I agree with all the responses you have been given.  I don't think you need to tell him.  Actions speak louder than words, and until they are willing or ready to commit to a relationship with us, it tends to push them away.

I have never told my husband I am standing.  But I do think he realizes that forgiveness would be there for him.  And I was like Slow Fade when my husband would cry "divorce."  Told him it was his deal, not mine, and I wouldn't do his dirty work for him. 

At this point, maybe just continuing to be friendly but distant and letting him take the lead on any time spent together and communication is probably a good idea.  They are like squirrels, and any sudden movements scare them off.   

[barbiedoll]

My 2 cents ... During the time period right after "bomb drop" , my husband wanted to go to counselling. ( huh???). Yes, he said the marriage has been over a very "long time", but lets go to marriage counselling . During one of theses sessions , the therapist talked about me being the " keeper of the space ". Holding his spot, holding hope ... "standing" in other words. I agreed at the time , that I was the "keeper of the space ". He said he often thought of that conversation in the muck and ruin of his life and was very confused as to why I would be the "keeper of the space" and yet confront him, push him for answers and finally throw him out . In his crazy thinking , he saw me as "untrustworthy " ( almost lost my lunch hearing thiss ). He was confused that I said one thing and did another . It made him very angry ... very. I would not tell him you are standing and if I had it to do again, I wold not agree ( in front of him) to be keeper of the space. It made me feel like "no matter what you do , I will accept you " , it made me feel stupid, without boundaries and easy. No. I would not do that again. Mistake .