[itcantbereal]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the forum and I am stunned at what everyone is going through how they are coping and are amazed of the support that this forum and website is giving me.

I work in tertiary education and recently have been using a positive education/growth mindset model in the classroom. This is in complete juxtaposition to what is happening in my home life and has kept me sane.

In particular I have been looking at character strengths and how using your top strengths can enhance both your professional and personal life. Dr Martin Seligmann researched cultures throughout the world and came up with 24 character strengths which are common amongst all cultures.

Watch this video to find out more:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3nT2KDAGOc

My top 5 character strengths are Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence, Honesty, Love, Humility, Gratitude.

To determine your top character strengths do this test on the VIA website:

https://www.viacharacter.org/www/


The website has lots of great information on character strengths and how to enhance them.

To put things in perspective we show the following video on Gratitude to students - this video is amazing and will give you hope:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ

I hope this inspires you and helps you become a better 'You'.

Peace be with you, ICBR

[LearningIamOk]

Hi ICBR,  I thought you had started a second thread and I was going to merge the two.  Then found out it is about mirror work and improving yourself. So I just changed the icon. I will look at the links you posted now. 

[LearningIamOk]

I liked the one about the character strengths the best. It was a little superficial with the info, but it whet my appetite to learn more. So I shall have to go on the Internet and find out more about it. Thanks for posting.

[itcantbereal]

Thanks LearningIamOk,

I really think there is value in identifying Character Strengths. And Gratitude has been found to be one of the highest indicators of well-being. The old saying "Counting your Blessings" is so true.

[LearningIamOk]

ICBR, I totally agree about the gratitude being an indicator of well-being. I am grateful for so many things in my life and I look for the Silver Lining in every event. Probably too Pollyanna, but I am a lot tougher than I sound here.

I can sit in a puddle on the floor, but it's cold and wet there and I finally pick myself up and keep moving.   I am thankful for so many things in my life. Despite the fact that I am divorced from my MLCer (I filed), I am grateful that I got to experience being a wife.  I got 4 kids out of it. My M made it possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom.  Now they're all grown up and my greatest joy is when they are all with me.

I mourn what could have been, but I am so grateful for what I have.

[in it]

I'm grateful for just about everything now. The phrase "glass half full half empty? I like the one that goes

" Just be grateful you HAVE A GLASS and there's SOMETHING in it"

Mostly my friends who have stood by me through this last ordeal and me being able to form healthier relationships.

After a drama filled childhood and high conflict relationships. The peace and quiet is a really nice respite.

I'm grateful I got to be a SAHM also. And although the NC has also been necessary with my own children. I can't help but feel that God is protecting me from something.

Maybe God feels I've been through enough and it's time for me to focus on myself for a change.

[LearningIamOk]

In It, I think the best thing about you is that you have totally turned yourself around and become quite a wonderful person. I have followed your evolution for about 4 years now. I am so happy that you are a caring and functioning person. With all that you have endured, it would be so easy to become really jaded and bitter.

[in it]

Thanks learning..if this experience doesn't humble you some IMHO you haven't learned anything. Getting to the point of being homeless due to the abuse pretty much put it in perspective.

To cut toxic people out of your life isn't easy. But necessary in order to realize you do it out of self love  and care for yourself and you stop trying to fix things or make anybody else happy.

So for some I have had to become somewhat less in caring simply because their treatment of me was off the charts in the disrespect department.

They lack compassion and empathy..not people I'm interested in dealing with. I have felt some guilt due to it. I realize the people I am dealing with do not change. I'm tired of being hurt because of it.

 I always have been a caring person I just tended to leave myself off the list. Too much of a people pleaser. They can only drive you crazy if you hand them the keys.

I only wish I had enforced NC  years ago. It would have been a lot better for me.

[MIMIx]

I think it is very, very important for the LBS to come to the realization that they have to let go.  Let go of everything that is not positive in your life and focus on living to the best possible standard for yourself. 
It takes a while for this to happen because feelings and emotions get in the way.  But, you just have to keep working on it, day after day.  And, after a while, you will realize how great life can be and how happy you are with yourself.  You will see others struggling to hold onto control over others and you will shake your head and be glad that it is not you.

I am very grateful for the friends of mine who have not cast judgement and have been ever so patient with me as I try to find my bearings.  They are waiting in the wings with exciting things to do...all for when I'm ready. 

As for this thing we call Mlc, the stages have presented themselves to me in the order they were written. Each stage has appeared differently  than I had expected...not so absolute.  It has been that "oh, I didn't think it would look/feel this way, but this is it".  The present stage that I believe I am in, is Acceptance.  For me, it's not about feeling that I accept that it is  all over, that you forgive and forget, or anything.  No.  For me, its about feeling inner peace and understanding that bad things happen, and this is called living.  You can understand and accept that Others have crossed over to the dark side for a bit ,but this is all part of the fabric of living.  LET IT ALL GO.  You can accept the fact that  improvement can be worked on in your own  day by day living, and that this will be an ongoing process.  Others will notice too!  They will want to know your secret to such happiness and contented living.  And that secret is to understand that life is just life,  you will go with the flow, carry on being your authentic self and build happiness into your life, day by day.  It's ongoing for me, it feels good.  Yes, my h has disrespected me, done crazy stuff to himself and to me.  He will eventually fix it.  But for me, I'm working on me every day and it's worth it.