[Velika]

I have read Old Pilot's intro post over and over and each time I get something new out of it. It's true there is a ton of wisdom in that post.

I was wondering, though, if people have learned anything they would add in an "additional tips" post for newcomers. I have only been here for four months and so I'm still learning a lot. However one very specific piece of advice I would give is:

If you go to a marriage counselor, find one who is specifically trained in MLC. Call ahead and verify this is an area of expertise.

Any other "PS" tips? As I mentioned, I'm still learning and would love to hear what others would add.

[ruggedendurance]

Velika,
The thing that sinks into me.   First and foremost.
They are insane and you are not........
We cannot apply logic to this.  It will never make any sense.
They are insane and you are not.   They will stay insane until they aren't any more.  If that ever happens..
You have read where they are in a fog until the fog lifts....   It"s true.    They can't find there a$$ with both hands and a flashlight.
There is nothing wrong with you.
They are insane

[Made]

the "180s"

[Thunder]

Velika,

I don't think there are counselors who specifically work with MLC.

The medical field does not recognize it as a mental disorder.   They are not trained for that and still do not believe it exists.

Now you could maybe find a few who believe it but if their not trained to deal with it so how can they help you anymore than any other kind of therapist?  There is no training for it.  They don't have the answers either, other than believing it exists.
See what I'm saying?

I believe in MLC but I have no ability to fix it, just understand it.

[Velika]

Thunder, the therapist I go to believes in MLC. He is a transpersonal therapist. I have also seen other sites written by therapists and guides that acknowledge MLC and identify the patterns.

To contrast my experience with the marriage counselors we went to -- who just wanted to know if the marriage was "over" and how they could "help" us based on that conclusion -- my therapist was able to hone in on other things I was saying about my husband and take what I think was a much deeper view of what was going on.

I think a good MLC therapist would steer the discussion away from the relationship and more toward spiritual and creative fulfillment and, once trust was established, gently introduce family of origin issues. I think he or she would downplay relationship discussions before that.

My therapist took what I said and felt that what my husband wanted was innocent, but the way he was going about it was informed by his childhood experiences. I think this is spot on and very compassionate and truly offers a "way out" and healing opportunity for both parties.

[Ready2Transform]

I think that's an ideal situation, but it is rare based on the experiences here of LBSs who have sought counseling with their MLCer. Most MLCers do not want to be active participants in healing the marriage while they are in replay. Mine sought individual treatment from both a therapist and psychiatrist, but left both when he did not hear what he wanted to hear. The man I knew him to be for over 20 years prior made decisions based on other criteria and was more than happy to work on his issues, but this new guy he has become is satisfied where he is.

The welcome message, I believe, is perfect. When I first posted in 2012, I remember feeling so validated that someone was finally saying this was also about me, not just my spouse. It helped me self-focus, and I believe that's the most crucial part for all of us.

[Thunder]

Velika,

You are very lucky to have found a counselor who believes in MLC.  But is he/she trained in it?

Like I said they can believe in it just like we all do, and give advice, but there is no formal training available.
Even RCR claims she is no expert on the subject.

I can only hope one day it will be part of the therapist training.

[Velika]

He isn't trained in it, no. I was just very lucky. He comes from a transpersonal perspective, which is more spiritual and less clinical. I told him the same, there is a whole untapped area of inquiry for some psychiatrist/therapist to explore.

I agree the letter is PERFECT! It was more just a question of, what might you add as a PS?

[Anjae]

Agree with Ready2, the welcome message is perfect.

Integrative therapists may also be aware of MLC. However, MLC is not a marital issue, so it would make more sense to tell people if to find a IC who believes/knows about MLC.

As Ready2 said, most LBS here did not have good experiences when they went to marital counselling with their MLCer.