Wow what a great thread, one of the most useful by far (for a newbie).
I'm realising that in the few days post bomb drop, the way my H acted was real - he was v. v depressed, said he felt numb, no feeling, was craving excitement (messages flirting with OW) and that he couldn't even feel for his family - he felt he was acting. I think it was covert depression suddenly surfacing. But then he left and when he reappeared a week later it was like he had pushed all this down inside him and did the whole 'don't love you' 'I have to go' and ran. He's still running, he's in replay and Sewings descriptions of feelings, covert depression etc is so insightful.
So glad I found this thread!