[Does your MLC'er appear to be attracted to you?]

Does your MLC'er appear to be attracted to you?

Never

14 (26.9%)

Occasionally

12 (23.1%)

Most of the time

13 (25%)

Always

3 (5.8%)

No contact

10 (19.2%)

Total Members Voted: 51

[limitless]

When my H first left - he told me several times on the phone that he couldn't be around me because he was strongly physically attracted to me and didn't trust himself.
He told me that if we were to be together - it wouldn't change anything.  It would change how he felt.

Since then, he avoids me like the plague and we are virtually NC.

L

[In this for ME]

I think that's some of what keeps my EXH away is the attraction -and he knows it goes both ways..plus the guilt....PLUS he knows I want to see tests for stds!

[LoveMeMyself]

You know, I never thought about it like this.........but perhaps that is also the reason my xH stays away from me. Because he is still attracted to me and knows I am also attracted to him.  I may be completely wrong in my thinking but I truly believe he still has feelings for me and the love is still there..........deep down somewhere.  I know the guilt of what he has done is working overtime on him.  Guilt and shame is a HUGE burden to bare.  I also think we (LBS's) get the treatment we get because they know they have hurt us and they can't stand to be subjected to seeing us. Very odd and strange world these MLC'ers must be living in.  I just can't wrap my brain around it.  The harder I try the worse I feel.  Just let it go.

[In this for ME]

Mine has made an effort to acknowledge the pain he caused me which has helped me A LOT!

But he is also telling me he has soooooo much respect for me and I think with his poor self image ( which he admits to also) that somehow he's put me on some kind of pedestal ....that I'm someone to "revere" instead of make love to. It's pretty frustrating ..I wish he didn't respect me so much..or maybe felt a little better about himself. I'd love to be intimate with him again!

[Still]

I am finding the results of this pool quite interesting. We have such similar stories, but still distinct differences.

[Moving Forward]

I have been thinking about this and I remembered that he once said to me that he was never good enough for me and that i should leave him behind and find someone who would make me truly happy.

I am certain it was just MLC feeling sorry for himself and trying to salve his guilt but in retrospect it was maybe a hint of where he feels his self worth is.

just thinking out loud

P
xx

[wondering]

Mine showed less attraction towards me around BD but now alot more than normal. No so much the small affectionate things but more sexual.Probably since OW was in the picture. Weirdly my H said he thought he was no longer attractede to me and is now confused because he is?  Whatever...MLC is confusing

[In this for ME]

MF
I think that has a lot to do with it..they simply feel they are not good enough for us.
My d14 made this observation also.

If I heard "Find yourself a good man" once I heard it 1000 tmes to the point where I just wanted to scream!

That's why I pulled the power play of telling him I was going out. It then dawned on him that I might have sex with someone else.
 This was after I emailed him  a few weeks before (which gave him time to think about it) of how I felt whenever we had sex. And I was pretty graphic.

I watched "Scent of a Woman" the other night and there was a line in that movie that slammed a real truth into my head.
Chris O'Donnell and AL Pacino are wreslting over the gun that Pacinos character is trying to kill himself with.
Pacino is raging about being a "bad" man when O'Donnells character with tears streaming down his face says:
"You're not a "bad" man; you are just in pain"

And lovemyman
You have hit it pretty much on target as far as I'm concerned. And even if it makes you feel worse...FEEL IT. Cry if you have to and then try to let it go.

[Trustandlove]

Still,

Pre-BD my H was the most affectionate person on earth -- truly.  We slept intertwined literally until BD.  It then all stopped totally.  In the years (yes, years...) since, I have rated the odd hug, but now have cooties again.  He did at one point a bit over a year ago admit, however, that he did find me sexually attractive.  That was after insisting for 2.5 years that he had no such feelings for me.  However, that hasn't come up again.     

He has for now put me in the category of "sister", thus allowing for affection/sympathy if needed (at his discretion, which hasn't been exercised for a long, long time), but otherwise allowing me to be completely ignored. 

[Mitzpah]

Still, TnL, and others,
I have been watching this thread with great interest, because although my h. has declared that he has no feelings whatsoever for me, this is NOT my case, I DO have feelings for him, I still think he is absolutely desirable. Does this change over time? I mean, does he rediscover feelings? My BD was in December, but things had been cooling off considerably in the last six months due to his erectile dysfunction and I was hoping that it was temporary , due to stress and the betablocker he has to take for cardiomyopathy. I was (I thought) very kind and loving and understanding, trying not to pressure him in any way (walking on eggshells?), always expressing my affection to him and then, BOOM! Now, if I want any 'touch' from him, I have to get it from him - a 'kiss', a hug at peace(at church) and I touch him every now and again with no returning touch. I miss him (us) soooo much! What do you think, is this part of our lives over? Or, maybe, is it over for me?