[kikki]

I think that OWs tend to be more attention seeking and fixated on the wife than the typical OM. I think most OMs would not seek out the husband, whereas many OWs (including my MLCer's) invite contact with the wife.

From my experience, I would agree with this.
I knew the OW many years prior to this due to work, and while she has kept away from me at all costs since BD, at the same time she has stalked me and talked of hacking into my email account, and has subjected me to a barrage of hang up calls. 

the affair is an aggressive act on the part of the OW. I think she works out many of her anger and dad issues and jealousy in this dynamic and so for a betrayed wife the situation is actually one of meeting an aggressor.

Clearly a very messed up woman, it creepily appeared for a long time that I was as essential for her fantasy, as I was to my MLCer's MLC two life fantasy.
Finally having a settlement after 6 years has allowed me to now step well away and leave the two of them to it.
Apparently she now has 'cancer'.  Not sure if it's the workings of karma or the workings of fiction.  Time will tell I guess.

[gman242]

I think most OMs would not seek out the husband,

I found out OM had inadvertently liked one of W's posts. In them midst of an argument that came up around a meltdown she had over posting her pregnancy status, I told her I knew about him being on her FB and she said she didn't see his comment. She said "he doesn't like, comment or post on any of my posts". It sounded so official, i said do you have an agreement or something? and she said IDK. Really? I was blocked by him soon after. I can only assume they did have some sort of code of conduct.. he violated it, she confronted him and he realized I knew about him and blocked me.

[Dji76]

Its really not about the ow/om. Conduct yourself in a way that is in line with your values and who you want to be. Do what you feel is in the best interest of your son. In my opinion that is dealing with your issues and modeling mature, adult behavior. So many of us lbs want to fight what "is" which really keeps us stuck.

[Seeing The Light]

Both of H's OW blocked me on FB, which I thought was hilarious.   

[gman242]

That was exactly my reaction STL 

[Velika]

DJ, that is a good point as always. I will remember this, thank you!

I think your comment helped me clarify that what I need is a level of acceptance coupled with self respect and knowing my own boundaries. I think perhaps others like me have a habit of considering the other person's feelings more than our own and are attempting to make a conscious effort to change that.

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

See, I totally disagree that OP is innocent bystander in all MLC cases. That is a blanket assumption. My H's OW stalked him for years at church and was inappropriate. She has said nasty things about me. Yes, it was totally my H's fault he engaged in an emotional fantasy affair and dropped me for her. However, she absolutely did play a role. I do not think my H's OW should be treated nicely and that I should be fake. I also do not believe I should go crazy or nasty on her if and when we "meet". I feel quite comfortable in my decision to not acknowledge her if our paths cross. She absolutely does not deserve niceties or a phony, "nice to meet you." Yes, some OP are innocent collateral damages of our MLCer's, but not all are. Please consider that.