[Not Applicable]

I could have sworn I posted a poll on here at some point, but maybe someone else did it on my behalf? But I am sure there was one. The question being whether the MLCer had suffered childhood abuse. If I recall correctly, almost 80% of LBSes who responded to the survey said their spouses had suffered childhood abuse. Remember, that is just LBSes who are aware of the abuse. I seem to recall reading something on the Blueknot site that on average, someone who suffers sexual abuse as a child doesn't tell anyone for 30 years. So it is highly likely that the number is higher than 80% because there simply are those whose spouses haven't told them they were abused.

I know for sure that my FIL physically abused my H. Abuse is almost too mild a word as some of what he did really constitutes torture. On top of that he was very controlling of my H's activities. I strongly suspect verbal abuse as well. My H told me when we were first married he was never happy a single day as a child.

Of course most MLCers aren't diagnosed with CPTSD. 1-Because they would need to go to a psychiatrist first, 2-it is a newly recognized illness in the past couple years, 3-Since MLC is not a diagnosed illness itself, how do we know if MLCers have CPTSD?, 4-Even if an MLCer goes to a psychiatrist and gets a diagnosis, they are under on obligation to tell the LBS this. So saying that MLCers aren't diagnosed with CPTSD means nothing.

I have to agree with Brain. I will be happy to discuss this matter with anyone who uses proper logic, but if anyone uses red herrings like the above one about MLCers not being diagnosed with CPTSD, I will not respond. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I am not interested in opinions, I'm interested only in something that will lead to better knowledge of MLC. No debates for the sake of debating for me. I have more important things to deal with in my life right now.

[Treasur]

I remember a segment from a talk by Bessel van der Kolk. He believes that trauma is an underlying cause of a lot of addiction and mental health issues in society with all their concomitant costs. He tells a story about seeing a 5 year old boy on a bike while the father screamed at him. And how the child didn't react, just kept riding. Bc in his world that was normal. So he had learned to repress the normal human emotional reactions if someone big gets in your face and screams at you. For a 5 year old it was a survival skill, for a 35 year old that numbing of emotional effect as a way to live....not so good

It probably changes little about our spouses path, but it can help us hold compassion for the damaged children that most of our spouses grew from. Not all perhaps but probably most. I know that was true for my xh. Doesn't mean we excuse abuse by these children in grown up bodies, doesn't even mean we don't need to protect ourselves to the point of walking away. But we can still have compassion with a warm heart but a clear head.

[Thunder]

Does anyone want to start a new Discussion thread for these subjects?

[Anjae]

Does anyone want to start a new Discussion thread for these subjects?

Done. Please be so kind to lock this thread. Thank you.


New thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11123.0