[JohnnyBravo]

Cycling can still happen, especially depending on the season that we are coming around to.

Amen to that!

Glad to hear from you, Father5!

[Father5]

Hello everyone ,

    I wanted to journal a little bit. I got triggered the other day for the first time in a very long time.  I rolled up to her house to pick up the kids and the OM was outside. I am not sure if he knew I was coming or not but it is in our decree that no one is to be outside on exchanges.  I shook for an hour or two after and was visibly upset. I have only ever seen his face once. That meeting didn’t go well.

  To top it off after pick up I took the kids to a music festival. She was well aware for months about what we were going to see.  She showed up with OM at the festival. I did the right thing and left as to not get into any trouble. I have been overwhelmed with emotions. I am angry to say the least. They are both well aware I don’t  want to be around them. I would have sold the very expensive tickets  and not gone had I known.

  I have never told the kids what they did. What went down or any type of bad mouthing their mom. They do know I don’t like OM they just don’t know why. They were a little upset with her too.

  I haven’t been this angry in years but boy was I fuming !  I am wondering if I should send a message along the lines of.

“Hey it’s written in our decree that OM stays away when I pick up the kids. In the future if you are planning on being at event you know I am going to please inform me so there are no surprises.

Let me know what you think. I am partially thinking about just letting it go. I just don’t want it to happen again. I have no desire to be around the two of them.

[UrsaMajor]

“Hey it’s written in our decree that OM stays away when I pick up the kids. In the future if you are planning on being at event you know I am going to please inform me so there are no surprises.

Let me know what you think. I am partially thinking about just letting it go. I just don’t want it to happen again. I have no desire to be around the two of them.

Replace the "Hey" with xW's name and you are good to go. This is non-emotional, a simple statement of fact (after all, it is written in the decree) and a common courtesy (which, of course, the MLC'er is totally lacking).

HOWEVER (and this is a BIG old "BUT" hanging out there), don't be surprised if she doesn't tell you and shows up or if he is there again anyway.... just to spite you.... No expectations that she will actually abide by the decree/agreement.

If you ignore it and she realizes that she didn't get a rise out of you, maybe she will decide it is not worth the effort anymore too.... This is a 2-edged sword.....

[Dragonfly33]

If I were in your shoes, I would not give her the satisfaction by reacting. I am sure they are doing this to annoy you. MLCers like to see that LBS react. It means they still have a hold on us. In hindsight, I should have never reacted to any of my xh‘s antics. But of course that’s your decision. It’s easier for me to say because I am not in your situation.

[Dragonfly33]

Just wanted to add that I really learned the hard way to ignore my x‘s antics. For example, when he was still very freshly inlurv with the very young OW, he posted all their choreographed pictures on the social media. Them kissing, sleeping in the tent holding hands and on top of each other. I didn’t react, didn’t say anything. In the beginning it was so painful and hard. Then your body and mind get used to it and now I really don’t give a hoot or two about them. Mind you, he apparently erased all their pictures and videos in their underwear on his social media. So much for the SO IN LOVE  show. So really, learn how to not give a firetruck. Don’t give her any satisfaction.

[WHY]

Just wanted to add that I really learned the hard way to ignore my x‘s antics. For example, when he was still very freshly inlurv with the very young OW, he posted all their choreographed pictures on the social media. Them kissing, sleeping in the tent holding hands and on top of each other. I didn’t react, didn’t say anything. In the beginning it was so painful and hard. Then your body and mind get used to it and now I really don’t give a hoot or two about them. Mind you, he apparently erased all their pictures and videos in their underwear on his social media. So much for the SO IN LOVE  show. So really, learn how to not give a firetruck. Don’t give her any satisfaction.

If you understand narcissistic supply.  They you'll understand why the MLCer is looking for the LBS reaction.

I couldnt understand it for such a long time.  I tried so many times to rationalize the MLCer inflicting such pain.  Like WHY the hell do these things?  Why not just move on with fantasy land.  Just leave.  Why torture me?  But once I came across narcissistic supply, everything made sense.  It was such a light bulb moment.

I might add I completely altered my behavior.  It took maybe 3-6 months of cutting off that supply.  But once I did, W's behavior did change.  I was no longer her source and she had to go elsewhere (friends, family, it's tragic the relationships what have been vaporized).  But at least it's moved away from me.  She did try hard to escalate and it takes every bone in one's body to look the other way.  But it was worth it. 

Dont feed the monster.  Any reaction resets the timeline.  It has to be cut off COMPLETELY for it to work.  And the added bonus is that LBS becomes stronger with time.  Stuff that would make you want to crawl up in a ball in cry, no longer has the same effect.  It's a combo of less supply and tougher LBS skin.  It works.