[Treasur]

….filed for spousal support and made appts for financial help till I get up on my feet!

…I have a therapist I see regularly but I think I need psychiatrist too. I think I need something for depression.

…I start a new job on Monday….

I know you probably don’t feel very brave right now, but these are all tremendously brave things given how things are. It takes real courage to look s$itty s$it in the eye and even admit how s$itty it is, let alone take action.

And yeah, as the others said - you’re not crazy, you’re just traumatised, afraid and overwhelmed. Our fight/flight/freeze system does some wacky stuff when we are….mine was a doozy. So please be reassured that you are normal for an abnormal situation - get the help you need to get through it, but please don’t label yourself as permanently crazy xxx

[AllieKat]

Im in a self first mode here! But I sm wondering if others have seen a mean or vindictive side to spouse. Just the cutting me off and he took pictures off wall of him and my daughter and deleted a chalk message I had inside his dart board! He left behind only things I got him like recent cards and stockings stuffers. I don’t even know what to think !! Its like a tantrum! He didn’t leave those new air pods though I got him did he??? Lol

I think the one thing about my spouse when thinking in terms of mlc he is different than many. Mine wont talk to me but wont block me either! My only has come to the house when he knew I was in hospital. He wont face me for some reason. He never said anything like I love you but im not in love with you or even does alot of what I have read these MLCers do. But he definitely isnt same guy he was he completely flipped. As much as his actions show hate that is how much he loved me before this health crisis he had. They do say there is a thin line between love and hate.

Im still standing but I am just starting to pull myself out of the seriously depressed stage and pick myself up. I miss him terribly.  Some days though I ponder if its mlc though. I guess all husbands are different but mine seems to be ok with his job  I guess I thought hed be spinning and i was hoping hed lose his job!! Thats just because he has allowed it to be first priority! Anyway just needed to vent! I guess hes a vanisher

[KayDee]

It's really good to read your post Allie - you seem like you are in a much better place.

What you write about your H, it is all quite classic crisis behaviour from what I have read and encountered in RL. I don't know if that is reassuring or not. I guess it is what it is. It's highly unlikely that your H 'hates' you - that doesn't add up - it can't just happen over night, without a serious of heinous events and crimes on your part leading up to it, right? I think the crisis is in play a lot longer than we realise and then some sort of tipping point and they implode. But a switch from loving to hating? That's a crisis signifier IMO.  This is not a platitude - he does not (cannot) hate you, he hates himself. But that is pretty awful too, I think. I've always thought, with what you wrote in your first post, that something with your H's health issues triggered unbearable shame in him. So unbearable he cannot look at it and he has projected it onto you. It's grossly unfair and not your fault, but IMO, this is the only way he can deal with it.  It seems so extreme that he has to reject the personal reminders of you (those earbuds - probably not so personal - and nice too ) He needs to figure himself out and he will need a lot of time and space to do this. You cannot help him at the moment alas.

I suppose the point is, that you are suffering from his irrational actions, however you slice it. And I, for one, am glad you are focusing on you.

[Treasur]

I agree with KayDee.
My former h, at least for the first couple of years as I recall, did not block me - he just refused to interact with me or reply to any messages from me. Until/unless HE had a passing moment when he wanted to talk to ME for some reason….and then he expected a pretty speedy response lol. In fact, he once sent the police round to my house bc I had not replied to his sadz (and then increasingly angry) text messages that he missed me and wanted to talk within a 36 hour period (I’d gone away for the weekend and forgotten my phone) - the same chap who once ignored me, my lawyer and his lawyer for over 3 months. Complete crickets, no response at all - my lawyer even asked me if there was any possibility he’d left the country or killed himself…..

And my then h left pretty much everything behind too - took his car, laptop etc - but left even old mementoes from his life before me, all the mementoes/ photos etc of our shared life, even his cat lol.

It’s not normal, but it’s pretty normal for MLC folks imho.

[AllieKat]

Thank you both!! I am definitely turning a corner as my will to fight for myself is back! Im so hurt by him cutting me off and etc but I try to remember its not him its this MLC monster! Then today I question is it mlc??? Its a process on understanding too!