[LC]

Thank you  Kaydee and Madluv for the kind words.
 
I am  learning to turn a bit of that empathy towards myself. It’s a difficult thing at times as I have always considered the two of us, when making decisions.  Now I am thinking more in terms of what is good for me and what is good for the kids.

I know I haven’t updated in awhile.   It’s been a long summer and fall and I’m still processing this thing that has become my life. XH  hired a divorce attorney, back in June. He told me that his attorney recommended that he hire a mediator and try to reach a settlement.  So, I got two free  consultations with two different lawyers and learned what  kind of settlement I could expect to get.  The second lawyer told me that I could do mediation and if it didn’t work out, I could hire him to represent me.     So, XH and I  went thru mediation.
During mediation, the man sitting across the table from me was not the man I used to know.  His eyes were dark and glassy and he kept fidgeting.  It was just so strange to me seeing him like that.  He spent the entire 3 hours clicking his pen.  Sometimes he had a gaze like a child, with flashes of anger when a disagreement arose.  I really appreciated our mediator. He was calm  and knew what to do to keep things moving forward. I guess he handles stuff like this all the time.  We worked out a settlement. I got alimony, child support for  3 kids, 3/4 ewuity in our home, because his retirement accounts were empty.
Since our case was uncontested, we just needed  a judges signature.  Xh kept stalling on paperwork. He ended up filing at the end of September.  I filed my response.
November 20th, our divorce was finalized. A  judge’s signature marked the end of our marriage.  We were married for 35 years, 5 months and 18 days.  I don’t recognize this man who used to be my husband.  I can’t believe a man who was once so loving, with flaws like every other human being could turn into someone who throws away his family and even treats his adult children like garbage.  I feel  have come a long way with acceptance and detachment, but every so often, I do have a WTF moment. 

Sorry this badly written I am upset and typing all of this on a tiny phone screen.


Thank you ,  everyone for listening.  I read all of your updates and think of you often.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers, as we journey on our path, together.

[Baxter1]

I’m so sorry 35 years had to end this way. I’m a glass half full type person so I am grateful for the 25y that we had together. That being said it still is horrible to have  such an ending, I guess after 35y you figure you’re on a good place in life, life has other plans it seems. Good luck on this new phase, a phase no one wants but here we are.

[LC]

Baxter,
Thank you for your kind words.

Yes, my glass is completely full. Even if it sometimes seems like it’s only half full of water, it’s completely full. After all, air is Matter, too. 😊   

It’s been a good life and it will continue to be so.