[LBS]

Does anyone know the statistics on how widespread MLC is?  I'm only a few months into this nightmare, and I can't believe that I've never heard anything about this devastatingly painful situation previously. 

[Dontgiveup]

I don't know numbers, nor do I know if there are any.  My belief and experience is that an actual MLC is not that common in term of percentage of population experiencing one.  A midlife transition, which does not become a crisis, does seem more common.

I had heard of the term, but in no way was I familiar with it......and certainly did not know the reality of it.

[Ibelieve]

Yeah, I had only heard the term when used as a joke. Yep, I only thought of it as a real thing when H started acting weird.
Then found this site. And could not believe there were others out there going through this for real. It's no longer a joke to me.

Have not seen any kind of numbers on it either. 

[LearningIamOk]

Before finding this site, I only knew the cliche for MLC.  Younger woman, faster,sportier car.  The fact that it is actually a type of depression never entered my mind.  The articles here are so in depth.  I think it took me 2 weeks to be able to read thru them the first time.  I thought my head was going to explode. 

As to the statistical rate, RCR mentions something in the articles that there is no way to accurately measure due to so many variables.  But it does seem to be global judging by the membership here.  You are really blessed to have found us.  This forum has been my saving grace. 

[Standing in Patience]

I was driving on the highway recently for about forty miles. I made a conscious effort to look at the drivers/occupants in each of the autos as they passed by me (or when I passed each of them). One of the most interesting observation was the number of cars that had drivers who were either middle aged women or middle aged men that were driving convertibles. Aka didn't see ONE car that had a twenty ish driver in a convertible.

Why do I bring this up? Well, are these folks that are the ones that are in midlife transition instead full fledged mlc? I think we should ask a new/used car salesperson how many middle aged drivers purchase these cars? Who can share some insight on this?

I personally know several men or women who started "acting" different than who they were before. One woman took to yoga classes with a vengence after the age of forty. Another man I know keep looking into the mirror checking out his profile and his hairline. Perhaps he didn't know that he was doing this more and more and it was becoming more than obvious that both bothered him - the expression on his face was evident.

I recognize now that "dead" look in men's eyes now that I know what that look like in my h's eyes. Men in malls, men at work, men at the airport. Can't say I know what that looks like in a women's eyes though. Anyways, look around you.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

I have been reading much research on "midlife" crisis. I do not like the term myself as research starts to become more entrenched in the term "midlife" and trying to pinpoint an age rather than looking at it as what I see as a personality flaw/disorder that causes a person to suddenly act in a way completely different from previous ways.

One thing that the research does state is that the MLCer is prone to cycling in and out of depression for years prior to the "crisis". If you read the threads, many have dealt with issues prior to BD. They may not have been as strong, but they were there.

There seems to be a triggering mechanism- loss of job, death of parent/close friend, or another tragic event which triggers the crisis into full bloom. The MLCer or personality-stressed person, then becomes focused on avoiding and changing their current life. The prime change being their current relationship. They seek something new and something different. Very interesting that most but not all choose someone younger than themselves. There is also a large amount of narcissistic behavior which is evident by the very lack or concern about the LBSer's feelings or needs as well as leaving friends and even children to pursue their new "life".

Much talk is centered on making themselves "happy" or it is their time to have "fun". I would say that if you were to do an analysis, the number that enter a full blown crisis like those that we read about is probably very low: one to two percent of the population. But one out of a hundred does add up.

I have tried to avoid reading the stages or putting to much thought into the stages. Not because I don't believe in them, but rather the focus of the LBSer becomes focused on hyper analysis on every tiny behavior thinking they are out of replay or in withdrawal or ready to reconnect that it creates false hope and expectations on the part of the LBSer rather than looking at themselves and getting a life which is much better tactic then trying to figure out where they are in the tunnel.

All comes to pass with time and when everything falls into place, you can look back and see the transitions as clear but you cannot see them at all as you make the journey.

This is all based upon the words of Ready. It is not scientifically sound but based upon what I have read on the various threads, the words of the newbies, the words of those that have been on the site for a long time, and the words of those that actually reconciled with their loved ones.

[limitless]

LBS,
Please read the articles about MLC. 
Look at the thread for Newbies.  You can click on it - as I have it down below in my signature statement.

I hope that you will feel comfortable enough to post your story.  Create your own thread.

On this site - you will find years and years of knowledge and experience with MLC.  There are some for whom it is just new.....some in the middle of it......and some who have gone through it - some with reconciled relationships.

We all help each other - here.   This site is for the LBS.  (Even though we often times focus on the MLCer)   

Take care,

Limitless

[Standing in Patience]

Was at my doctors today and told her abt my h possible mlc. She asked how old h was and I told her. She said yes she has heard of mlc "happens" to many marriages. Patients have come in for antidepressants both mlcers and lbs. She asked how I was coping and I said "it's day by day". I shared that I was standing for my marriage and trying to stay out of h's way. She said that is "good" and hoped to hear in the future that h comes back. She said some h do but it takes a lot of patience and not responding to the mlc other than as needed.

She sounded like she has confronted this subject herself or knows about this because of her patients' history. Wanted to speak to her more about it but we only have a few minutes to talk about a few aches and pains. She was off to tend to other patients. Interesting.