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Author Topic: Discussion LBSs, How Do You Handle Yourselves 3+ Years After Bomb Drop?

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Discussion LBSs, How Do You Handle Yourselves 3+ Years After Bomb Drop?
OP: June 16, 2020, 11:21:34 PM
I am pasting one of the questions I reviewed on Facebook Live from this morning.
It's about how you handle your situation 3+ years in. She would like examples. Chuck left the alienator and returned home at 3.5 years, so I don't have the experience of being a long-term Stander.
Quote
My question is regarding the middle years - I remember reading and rereading all the articles and you mentioned that MLC gets worse before it gets better - at 3 years I can attest that is true - but I would love if you could expand on that concept. My sense that is soon after BD most of us fixate to some degree on a timeline - early on I heard MLC lasts 2 - 7 years, then I heard 3-7 or even longer. I of course wanted to be the exception. At 3 years, my H is definitely still in replay, yes we are seeing more depression, but he still avoids like crazy. For people who want to stand - having more information, tools, etc could be extremely valuable, if we want to stand we must be prepared beyond saying it takes a long time. Maybe you could give some examples of how people handled themselves in year 3, 4, 5?
If you want to listen to this question from the Facebook Live, it starts 9:50 from the beginning.
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LBSs, How Do You Handle Yourselves 3+ Years After Bomb Drop?
#1: September 11, 2023, 03:13:38 PM
Does anyone know where the replies are to this question? I’m about to enter year three since BD and I’m feeling a little fatigued. I’d love to hear stories of managing in these “middle“ years???
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Bd- Nov 2020
Married since 2003
Ow-yes, affair but they blew up after a year or so
One serious attempt at reconciliation during summer of 2022 but he blames me for the failure
He’s now been with several other women and has a girlfriend now because “he’s not doing well and she’s good for him”
2024-the new girlfriend dumped him so he’s been reaching out to me, but he’s monstering me because I’m moving on and dating again.
Not divorced. I won’t file- he doesn’t have a job, so it’s complicated
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LBSs, How Do You Handle Yourselves 3+ Years After Bomb Drop?
#2: September 12, 2023, 05:28:44 PM
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
June 2022 XH bring OW to meet family due to xMIL illness
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
May 2024 xMIL visits XH/OW in their new home
Aug 2024 cut relations w/XH fam.
Dec 2024 D33 expecting baby ( XH not told)
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LBSs, How Do You Handle Yourselves 3+ Years After Bomb Drop?
#3: October 03, 2023, 09:33:24 PM
I was still standing 3 years in.  I would say that there was a shift that happened near the beginning of year 3.  I became very detached to what he was doing.  I was definitely doing a lot of healing and moving forward.  I was living life "as if he wasn't coming back" but still maintained that shred of hope that was essential to my stand.  The things he was doing and saying were no longer relevant to the overall outcome or my stand.  As far as MLCer, he was still very crazy in year 3.

I also was still living off signs in year 3.  I saw signs in everything.  And I did have some conflicting thoughts about standing, but ultimately chose to continue standing.  I had to extend a lot of grace and forgiveness in my thoughts toward my MLC and his continuing hurtful actions throughout the aftermath of BD and continuing onwards through the years after D in order to continue with my stand.  And I had to battle those folks in real life that thought I should be dating by then.
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