[Bewildered]

K

He has always loved being the poor me after the anger went - I think it worked at first with me and the kids so he liked this - then of course we (cause we are normal/rational and sane) got a tad bored with it so when he feels ignored we get the following Mr rational kind and lovely - Mr angry then Mr pity me pity me pity me (I get kind one most of the time or a little angry man)  then back on the wheel - what he hasn't worked out is that we can work it all out as he seems to not realise that we have been here before and he's still working it all out & so forgets  Ahhhhh MLC world so dull. But so upsetting hey??

 B x

[Anjae]

I think they want to be caught. And to have high drama. If they get high drama that means you are still engaging with them, you react to them.

I agree completely.  It's all about them being the rebellious teen.  The drama makes them feel something in their numbness. I don't buy into it at all either, now that I know the ropes.  Leave the OW to do that.

Exactly, leave it to OW.

What happens this time of the year?...Well, I'll spend Christmas with my family and husband will spend Christimas playing music in a nightclub. Of, course, with OW2 on toe. Cool or what? Sound romantic and lovely 

I would say husband is following the same pattern that he used with OW1 (even if he never spent Christmas with her). Using special dates, Christmas, New Year's Eve, his birthday, to be busy, in some nightclub. And making sure, if, when at home, he is also busy. I do I know this having a vanisher? The grapevine. Husband's come home, goes to the computer chat, only goes out at sleep time.

With OW1, his 1st birthday wiht her was on a club, but he was not working. We only got drunk to the point of not remembering a thing. 1st New Year's Eve they went to some hotel. His 2nd birthady and 2nd New Year's Eve, he was playing music at a nightclub.

With OW2. His 1st and 2nd birthdays he spend it with her, at some place (correction, 2nd birthday he spent it with her, a bunch of party life friends at their flat, and surprise, he got drunk to the point of not remembering a thing  ). 1 st New Year's Eve, spent it with her. 3rd birthday, Christmas Day night, and 2nd New Year's Eve he spent it playing music in a nightclub.

This year he will do the same at his birthday, Christmas Eve, and, i would guess, New Year's Eve.

Also, with OW1, at a certain point, he took a job that leave him no room for her. She lived away, was only with him on weekeneds. He started working weekends. At night would be at some nightclub.

He his doing the same with OW2. 3 jobs, one at nightclubs. He never has any time just for the two of them.

Guess when he starts to have enought of them, he starts to take all the time he before has for them. To see if they leave, I guess...

Weird. To say the least.

Forgot to add. Husband's grandmother died early 2010. He did not come to our home town for Christmas that year, he will not come this year. He has not come to home town since his grandmother died.

Looks like, after all, classic MLC script...

[Gutted]

Not even a "Happy Thanksgiving" email from him.    He's been at OW's house since Wed early evening where they likely had her family over.   

He knows I have zero family and am alone other than our dog.  I don't understand the complete disconnect/disregard for our friendship.  Just threw away 19 years of true friendship like a piece of trash with no care.  I don't understand this and never will.   There is something very deeply wrong with a person who is able to do that.   No reason not to send a friendly email.   

It's one thing to nuke a marriage/romantic relationship, living together.   It's another to nuke our friendship.  It's what I find most upsetting in all of it.

[xyzcf]

So sorry gutted..they are completely gone from who they once were....for several reasons, he may not be able to send you that greeting.

He is thinking just of himself.....I know it is terrible and hurtful (last year at Christmas I was totally devastated because I had left my H Christmas baking to eat and he did not even eat one piece ..somehow that seemed like such a rejection....I make something from love for him..it had nothing to do with our relationship).

I guess this is why we absolutely must live as though they are never coming back. As long as they are deep in their tunnel...they will not be able to act in a manner that is kind or sane.

(((hugs))) to you...do you have and LBSers that live near you? That has helped me so much to find my life again.