[elray]

Quote from: elray on February 22, 2015, 04:33:17 AM

Another consenting woman is bad but paying for sex is worse.   It's that hierarchy I am intrigued by.

Um, really? Consenting partner no different from hooker? Nobody just lightly trades away their dignity for cash. Taking advantage of someone else's unspoken desperation has got to feel different from emotional consent. Otherwise we're all dead inside. Gender has no bearing on this.

A couple of things I can repeat that might clarify...but I sense a very strong moral imperative that there's victimization occurring -- that's not always the case -- but I'm not going to try to tackle that.

Consider first from a judeo-christian approach, all sin is sin -- whether there's an exchange of cash or simply a man buying dinner, sex outside of marriage is sin -- so its hard to hang a religious differentiator on it.

So let's talk about the rebound relationship -- the LBSer is hurt.  Hurt people hurt people.  There's a very high likely hood that he/she will hurt their first partner emotionally.  It is also highly likely they are using that person emotionally, and preventing themself from growing. 

If that rebound relationship does workout and the MLCer finally extracts their head from their ass, ad the LBSer decides to run back -- more hurt.   As a matter of fact, I've read several threads here on HS where the LBSer has been open in the relationship explaining that should that happen -- they will take the MLCer back.  That's emotionally damaging -- effectively telling your partner they're a plan B.  How is that healthy?  How is that not victimization?

My general point is that a new relationship is very problematic for an LBSer  unless or until they are completely emotionally healed.  They are highly likely to emotionally trainwreck themselves and the person they are with.  If you recognize that's true, then you agree there's an immoral aspect, a victimization aspect, a vampirism intrinsic to the process.   

More or less immoral than hiringa pro?   Not obvious to me, especially for men.  I believe a lot of male LBSers are codependent, and as such NEED to be alone.  The DON"T NEED to rush into another codependent relationship.  But they have a biological imperative as well.  We are less emotionally aware and more likely to jump early. More likely to do damage.

That basically recaps what I said previously, if you still don't get it, there maybe a fundamental gap I can't cross. 

[Thunder]

I personally, could not imagine reconciling without sex being a part of it.

It's a really big part of a marriage, in my opinion.  It's the closest you can be to someone. 

I also feel it would be unfair to expect a your man (or woman) to go years without it if you reconcile.   Cruel, even.  I would expect he/she would have to eventually have to find someone else to fill his/her needs. 

Nope, sex is too important to a couples well being and happiness.  I'm not saying other things aren't just as important, like respect and communication, but a sexless relationship IN MY OPINION is not a solid relationship.

Hope I don't get attacked for saying this.   

[Thunder]

elray- So let's talk about the rebound relationship -- the LBSer is hurt.  Hurt people hurt people.  There's a very high likely hood that he/she will hurt their first partner emotionally.  It is also highly likely they are using that person emotionally, and preventing themself from growing. 


I agree 1000%

[MeNow]

elray,

Somehow I think W would find a way to blame you for doing it anyway, either now or later. That's all I'm saying. Whether you should care about that at this point is up to the LBSer.

Thunder,

A sexless R is roommates. Why even live together for that?

[OldPilot]

New thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6195.0