[Trustandlove]

Thank you for finding that, Kikki -- that really is a brilliant list, certainly for me.  I'm glad it's from a "professional" source as well; it gives it that little bit more weight.  I do realise it's a compilation of all the possibilities, but for me, at least, it really gives me so much explanation. 

If this is the case, then MLC really is the "mother of all depressions".    And it becomes more and more important that we don't let ourselves or our children be drawn in. 

[Mitzpah]

After seeing this posted again, I got out my printed copy and read it before going to bed last night - just to reassure myself  that this is, indeed, MLC!

[Sassyone]

Mitzpah, I think this is the third time I have read it this week too.  Isn't it crazy that we actually doubt ourselves sometimes.  Each time I read it I see my H in every single aspect of that.  Heartbreaking for sure.

We aren't crazy, this is real.

Sassy

[angelgirl]

"MLC is the mother of all depressions..." True in our case anyway. H is home, and being a physician is fully aware that this is what he went through (perhaps still going through to some extent, but not in "crisis" mode.)

He met all listed symptoms except "poor money manager" and "using drugs or alcohol". Everything else was him. Every so often, if it comes up, i might bring up something he said or did during that nightmarish time, and he is stunned. He believes he said and did it, so he doesn't deny it...but it's as if "another person" did it. He accepts responsibility however, even if that was a severe depressive episode. He insists that his brain is different now...he can't explain it, but there was something wrong he said, on how he "thought". He didn't care or have feelings for anyone he said. He had no empathy and it didn't occur to him that his family was hurt. He said he hated himself and therefore me. He was frantic for change.

The basis for how he got into that mess he is still working on....he knows. How his self-worth or happiness is dependent on the wrong things...etc. he sees me and him as one person or sometimes I'm on a pedestal (flattering, but not safe). At least he acknowledges it and he is not in denial. Interesting how just "knowing" gave him power against this thing. I thought it might be interesting to study this from an MLCer who is looking back on the destruction he caused.

We continue to rebuild...

angelgirl

[Tsunami]

Angelgirl,

Thank you for taking the time to share your husband's feeling with us who are still living the nightmare.

Your post and contribution to the site is greatly appreciated.

Tsu

[kikki]

Yes, thank you angelgirl.  It is always really helpful to have feedback, from a MLCer looking back on themselves with more clarity.

Just a question -  do you mean that he still views you as one person, or still puts you on a pedestal?

[faithled]

Faithled here,

     Sorry to interrupt the question.  I found this post so valuable today.  I have been praying if the recent chages in how I handle thigs was right.  I thought H was in reconnection, but I realize if he is still living with OW, and he is allowed to come here to see the boys, and then goes home to her and her boys after he visits, is that really unconditional love, or cake-eating.  Regardless, I have heath issues, managed by medication, which react to great stress.  Although things were peaceful, I have been praying for direction, and recently told H that it is not him, but his behaviours over the last 3 years that I do not condone, and have caused me great stress.  I told him I will always love the H I knew.  We are in the final stages of mediation to have a separation agreement (my insistance).  Our 3 teen boys continue to want to live with me.  I have recently decided to sell the house, as he is taking the cottage, and the boys are willing to move one or 2 neighborjoods over.  I am going to buy a smaller, newer house.  I wondered if this is a bad thing, but I see from this post (answer to prayer) that H could continue his damaging behaviours to myself and the boys, even though he is verbally nice to us, and helps when over, it is a way of him still having some control over me and living 2 lives.
     Again, thank you for this read, and I feel selling the house is a really good thing to do, having told H that I will treat him with kindness, but he will no longer visit the boys here once we move,

faithled

I have made some comments to this post on your thread.

limitless

[OldPilot]

Thread is now continued here, make any comments on part 2

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2297.0

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