[Finding Hope]

I Have been doing alot of thinking lately, and I was wondering. How is it that you can hold onto hope and yet have no expectations. Isnt it that we hold onto hope that things will work out with our spouses? Isnt that an expectations?

I would love to hear what others think.

FH

[c3po]

For me personally, I still continue to hold out hope for the long term that one day reconciliation might happen. Hope is what keeps me standing. If I didn't have hope, I feel like I would have to give up and close this chapter in my life.  For me, I have no expectations in the short term. I can see that BF is still mired in MLC. Lately I have seen glimmers of hope in things he has said or done, but I have no expectations right now that this is the end of the crisis....at least not yet. I am sure other people will have other opinions, but these are my definitions right now.

[xyzcf]

I am living my life as though he is not coming back. I avoid as much as possible contact with him. There are some times we need to be in touch but usually I wait until he emails.

I hope that he comes back to our marriage and I think that many MLCers will try to come home someday.  That hope allows me to keep the door open for him, to forgive him and to continue to live my life as a married woman. This is a choice I make, this is something I have considered so many, many times and this is what I want.

I did not stop loving him and I don't believe he stopped loving me either.

So, after 35 years together, I have hope that our history, the memories of all the good times are still somewhere in his brain. When I read about others who have come home and realized that something was happening within them that they could not understand, I have hope that this is what has occurred with my Beloved as well.

3 years in, I am tired of being in pain so I try and accept that this is life and release some of that anguish from the first three years. I have hope that I am healing and that life continues to hold many, many joys for me.

[Covenant for Life]

"Without faith, it is impossible to please God."

"When you pray, BELIEVE that you have received what you are praying for and you shall have it."

I believe that God has promised me a restored marriage and if I do not have faith that God will be faithful to do what He has promised, then I will not receive it.

If I have no expectations that my H is coming back - in God's perfect timing - then I am doubting God's promises to me.
That shows a lack of faith.  So, I wait - in faith, with hope and expectation.  I have given my H over to God and am staying out of God's way.  But, I have faith that God will bring my covenant H home and honor the covenant that I have been standing for for almost 5 years.

So, even though many say that we can have no expectations, I disagree.  I expect God to answer my prayer.  Faith says that we put all of our hope and expectations in God - not in our wayward spouse.  God is more powerful than my H and it is in God whom I place all of my trust.

[Dontgiveup]

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_assurances_hope.html

[Truly]

WOW Covenant for Life,  that was beautifully written!!!

FH, You probably won't like my outlook on hope and expectation...But maybe it can help you put it in a perspective  that might make it easier for you to deal with....

When purchasing a Lottery ticket you HOPE that it is a WINNER, but do you REALLY EXPECT it to be a WINNER?

I Know kinda lame, but it just brings it DOWN-TO-EARTH for me... Hang in there girlie, he wished you a Happy 26th Anniversary (I know another lame-o statement from me) but these MLC'ers are just  .... I just look at it like  and  and go about my life...Time will tell,  LOTTTTTTTTTTTTS of TIME!!!!

Hugs,

Truly 

[xyzcf]

Covenant For Life..I totally agree with what you wrote. I guess that is part of the reason I can have hope, because I know that God totally has this.

[Rollercoasterider]

When purchasing a Lottery ticket you HOPE that it is a WINNER, but do you REALLY EXPECT it to be a WINNER?

I Know kinda lame, but it just brings it DOWN-TO-EARTH for me... Hang in there girlie, he wished you a Happy 26th Anniversary (I know another lame-o statement from me) but these MLC'ers are just  .... I just look at it like  and  and go about my life...Time will tell,  LOTTTTTTTTTTTTS of TIME!!!!

Not lame--that's the same analogy I use.

How is it that you can hold onto hope and yet have no expectations. Isnt it that we hold onto hope that things will work out with our spouses? Isnt that an expectations?

Only if you define hope and expectation are synonyms of one another.

I believe that God has promised me a restored marriage and if I do not have faith that God will be faithful to do what He has promised, then I will not receive it.

If I have no expectations that my H is coming back - in God's perfect timing - then I am doubting God's promises to me.
That shows a lack of faith.  So, I wait - in faith, with hope and expectation.

Having no expectations is about each moment rather than the big picture. I always knew Sweetheart and I would make it through together--even before he showed he was a Clinging Boomerang through multiple returns. My Knowing was ~6 weeks after Bomb Drop. But I did not know when. His crisis was on God's time and so I had no expectation for his behavior within each contact or moment or return.

[Finding Hope]

Wow Truly, you hit the nail on the head.
DGU- how the heck did I miss that?

RCR, As usual wise. 

FH