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Author Topic: MLC Monster Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?

JD

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MLC Monster Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?
OP: March 04, 2012, 08:41:37 PM
I was speaking to Summer off the board and I mentioned some characteristics of what mature love looks like.   She suggested I post it here, so here it is. 

Immature Love                                                               

Love is born at first sigh and will conquer all.

Love demands exclusive attention and devotion.  Love is Jealous of outsiders.

Love is characterized by exploitation and direct need for gratification.

Love is built upon physical attraction and sexual gratification.  Sex often dominates the relationship.

Love is static and egocentric.  Change is sought in the partner in order to satisfy one's own needs and desires.

Love is romanticized.  The couple does not face reality or are frightened by it.

Love is irresponsible and fails to consider the future consequences of today's actions.


Mature Love                               

Love is a developing relationship.  Love deepens with realistically shared experiences.

Love is built upon self-acceptance and is shared unselfishly with others.

Love seeks to aid and strengthen the loved one without striving for recompense.

Love includes sexual satisfaction, but not to the exclusion of sharing other areas of your life.

Love is growing and developing reality.  Love expands to include growth and creativity of the other.

Love enhances reality and makes the partners more complete and adequate persons.

Love is responsible and gladly accepts the consequences of mutual involvement.                   
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"If every rub irritates you, how will you be polished?"  Rumi
The person least invested in a relationship has all the power.  
To someone in arrested development accountability appears as authority.  To someone emotionally healthy, accountability appears as security.  Dr. Paul Hegstrom.
Bomb Drops: July 2009,  Departure Sept 2009, Jan 2010 says he's not returning...
Reconciliation with a Boomerang starts March 2013, and is ongoing. Married in 1983 with 4 year absence/separation.
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Re: Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?
#1: March 04, 2012, 09:28:33 PM
Thanks Jay!  ;D

I can't believe how immature H's love for me was.. I hope he matures!
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M: Feb. 1988
BD: June 12, 2011 (Day after youngest son's HS graduation)
3 young men: in their 20s and on their own
R Status: Left home Sept. 11, 2011 returned Feb. 2013
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Re: Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?
#2: March 05, 2012, 05:04:45 AM
Nice post Jay.

Funny this brought up a memory of my family dinner last night with S23, D21, D19, H and my parents.  S23 wanted to know why he was attracting the wrong type of person (1st serious gf ended up being a lesbian and he was with her for three years and this one is severly depressed and cheated with a married man.)  D21 said "S23 you need to learn to slow down and get over the honeymoon phase!"  LOL such a smart cookie.  She told him how did you think after knowing someone for three months you could live with them, etc.  She then told him, read the female bible, Cosmo (no wait she said, just read two of the issues because then you have read them all!) 

It was really funny and she is extremely smart and has a grip on relationships.  She brought a little bit of humor to a sucky situation.  Immature love for sure. 

I think a lot of us have mature love, its our MLC'ers are just trying to recreate that "alive" feeling of when they were 16 or 17.  At least that is what my MLC'er said.  He wanted to feel alive and he would do whatever he could to be that way irregardless of anyone else's feelings, etc.  The loss of mature love that took so long to build is what is so sad and devasting in this MLC journey.

Sassy

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Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
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Re: Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?
#3: March 05, 2012, 03:22:31 PM
When my I told my sister that H and OW were back on, her H said "they are acting like teenagers!".  Yeah, Don't we all know it.

My other sis had an affair in here early 30's.  She was married at 18 and I don't think she ever lived out her 'youth'.  It did seem like she was going back for those 'young and alive' feelings.  Thankfully her and her H sorted it out and they are still together many years later but I can see the similar 'issues' in her sitch.
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Split with OW3 (fiance) Jan 2016. (no break between OWs).
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Re: Immature vs. Mature Love...what do you see in your MLC'er?
#4: March 05, 2012, 04:53:59 PM
Quote from: Sassyone on March 05, 2012, 05:04:45 AM
I think a lot of us have mature love, its our MLC'ers are just trying to recreate that "alive" feeling of when they were 16 or 17.  At least that is what my MLC'er said.  He wanted to feel alive and he would do whatever he could to be that way irregardless of anyone else's feelings, etc.  The loss of mature love that took so long to build is what is so sad and devasting in this MLC journey.

The funny thing with mine is that he become much more imature and teenage like since the crisis than he ever was. We were teenagers when we meet and he was quite a mature 17 years old. Of course he was not mature like a 50 years old person but many of the things he has been doing since MLC his 17 year old self would found stupid and silly. Maybe he needs to have a huge dosage of immature teenage love in order to progress and grow…
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
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