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Author Topic: Discussion Where is your mlcer in their timeline?

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Discussion Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#20: March 07, 2012, 07:14:36 AM
I met my H in 1994 and we married in 2000.  BD happened 1 year ago this month, but my H seemed angry at times in February '11.  My H did not appear to go into replay at the very beginning.  It seemed more like a gradual slip into it, from March - May.  After BD, the first couple of months were I guess a depression presenting itself as anger.  I remember that he stopped talking to me.  When we would be with my brother, who is the closest friend/family member to where we live and comes over maybe one or two times a week to hang out, my H would ignore the both of us.  He seemed he couldn't decide once and for all that everything was my fault until Replay.  As far as a timeline, let's jut say I would be absolutely shocked (but thrilled) were Replay to end in around six months or so.  I believe I've easily got another year of it, but who can say for sure?
The depression was as hard for me to handle as the replay.  But all of it's very difficult.
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#21: March 07, 2012, 03:15:41 PM
Unfortunately, 14 months since BD, I don't think my MLCer is even near the end of the beginning.

After not showing monster since before BD, it's recently resurfaced with a vengeance.  We're been NC for the past three weeks and I suspect will stay that way for some time.

My H's been living with OW for 14 months.  They've been having a PA for 2.5 years and met 3 years ago.  As I look back, I think my H's MLC started with his mother's death almost 7 years ago, was accelerated by the placement of a heart stent 4 years ago and then an intense spiritual experience he went through just before he met OW.  Also, a dear friend of ours, a woman our age he highly respected, died of cancer just a few months after his mom and I know that was very difficult for him.

My H just seems to be getting more remote, out of touch with reality.  I know he's drinking more and I recently learned that OW uses marijuana so I wouldn't be surprised if my H is partaking of that, too (something he did in college but hasn't touched in over 35 years.)  He's broke (or at least says he is and I believe him.)  I'm assuming OW has some money and that's what they live on.  I don't know if he's working much or not.  He talks a good game (when we were talking) but if he's making any money I'm not seeing it (he owes me tuition for our D's grad school and interest on a loan I made to him.  When we were still talking he kept assuring me he was going to pay it as soon as he found work.)

He tells me OW is seriously ill, says she's dying.  I have no way of knowing if that's true.  Sounds like MLC drama to me.

I'm getting better at detaching.  It was my decision to go NC and, although it's hard, I know it's the right thing.

MLC gets worse before it gets better is one of the most important things I've learned so far in this journey.

TMHP

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M 40 yrs.
BD 1/11
Began living with OW 1/11
Divorce final 8/13
Ex married OW 6/15

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change; the courage to change the one I can; and the wisdom to know it's me.
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#22: March 07, 2012, 03:58:39 PM
Married 20 yrs. 20 months since BD. Appears at the end of Replay, beginning of reconnection.  Seems  a short time compared to others but could be to my H being 65 yrs old and much less severe FOO issues than some MLCers. H had parents that stayed married until death, appeared to be a pretty good marriage, no apparant cheating, they were very social with a lot of good friends. Only issues i know of was some lack of validation and approval from them causing him to be a somewhat emotionally guarded person that sought validation from sports,etc.  Normal childhood from what I have heard.

I personally think the length has nothing to do with the marriage and much more on the severilty of their FOO issues and possible addictive and/or coping behaviors. Almost all MLCers abuse alcohol and/or other substances during their crisis but I'm sure it is harder when they have had these problems before their MLC.
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Me  53
H  68
Married 23 yrs
BD 8/10
OW 10/10 Gone 7/11
8/11 home again
8/12 Reconnecting
11/13 Rebuilding a stronger marraige


Old name: Wondering what to do
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#23: March 07, 2012, 04:27:37 PM
We were married 27 years at BD. Right now he is in replay and we are 4 months post bomb drop. We have weekly communication, but no eye contact. I am doing okay.
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#24: March 07, 2012, 04:37:06 PM
2.25 years since bomb drop.....perhaps the end of the beginning.  My MLCer is in Replay as far as I know.

From RCR's article Being Number One
I know, two years feels like an eternity, but in MLC it's merely the end of the beginning.
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#25: March 07, 2012, 05:24:55 PM
Together 20 years, married 10. Husband left October 2006, already in replay. He stills in replay and, for all I can tell (he is a vanisher but I hear/know of/about him) thought the grape vine, no where near the end of that phase.

I one more of those that thinks it does not have to due with the length of the marriage/relationship but more with their own issues. Also with the amount of mess they create while on replay and the more troubles and issues that come with it.
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Re: Where is your mlcer in their timeline?
#26: March 07, 2012, 07:23:38 PM
Together 18 years at BD.
BD 2 years ago.
Looking back I can see the build up of things that  may have set him off.
Looking now I can see some positive changes  but I just think he's in replay. And of course who knows when that will end.

My life awaits and if he doesn't want to be part of it his bad luck
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