I agree about not taking 'revenge'. From my own perspective, I've seen so many versions of my H's "new and shiny life" it isn't funny. Mine has cycled through several OW; is on number 5 if I've counted correctly. One thing I've learned from having been in this for so long that every single time I think ______, turns out that the truth is completely different. About his life, about how "happy" he is (and yes, sometimes about how unhappy he is), and so on.
I, too, have been building a picture of what's what; it's fascinating looking back, or rather it would be, if it didn't affect us and our children personally so much.
The one time I let him know that I had a bit of 'incriminating' information (yes, I've made all the mistakes) it just drew monster, and not the kind that makes for forward progress.
File that info away; much later you will see where it fits in the jigsaw. And continue to live your good life!
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