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Author Topic: MLC Monster LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"

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MLC Monster Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#10: May 13, 2013, 05:45:21 PM
I’m a complete disaster of a LBS,  ::) ::) ::) there is nothing I think I should have done more as far as the marriage is concerned. I just thing I should had divorce right after OW1 was made public.

Neurotic people always reminds me of Woody Allen. MLCers are excluded from being neurotic, right? Delusional is not part of neurotic disorder... And if there is one thing MLCers are is delusional...
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r
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#11: May 13, 2013, 05:49:39 PM
Woody Allen is a complete nut job.
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Me 53
H (whatever he is) 55
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#12: May 13, 2013, 05:58:36 PM
Quote from: mchllvns on May 13, 2013, 05:49:39 PM
Woody Allen is a complete nut job.

Yep he is... and he manages to be both, neurotic and an MLCer...  :o :o :o
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
r
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#13: May 13, 2013, 06:23:29 PM
Its so disgusting too.I always thought of him a just being an eccentric screwball.Then he sleeps with and marries his adopted D.How sick is that?
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Me 53
H (whatever he is) 55
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#14: May 13, 2013, 06:35:40 PM
Not his, Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. He had adopted children but she was not one of them.

Still a very messed up thing. Weirdly they're still together. Think he never spend as much time together with a woman...
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#15: May 13, 2013, 07:03:25 PM
I have some shoulds but they're less about feeling guilty about what I didn't do for my H and more guilt about what I didn't do for myself:

I should have never put up with H's bad behaviour all those years

I think that pretty much covers it  ;D
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When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves - Viktor Frankl

JD

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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#16: May 14, 2013, 08:41:02 AM
The only shoulds that haunt me are:

I should be over this.
I should have more self discipline.
I should be more ( fill in the blank)
I should have learned/known better.

I often feel the part that is trying to be good/kind/gentle to me, is at war with the part that wants to be harsh and judgmental with me.
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"If every rub irritates you, how will you be polished?"  Rumi
The person least invested in a relationship has all the power.  
To someone in arrested development accountability appears as authority.  To someone emotionally healthy, accountability appears as security.  Dr. Paul Hegstrom.
Bomb Drops: July 2009,  Departure Sept 2009, Jan 2010 says he's not returning...
Reconciliation with a Boomerang starts March 2013, and is ongoing. Married in 1983 with 4 year absence/separation.
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Re: LBS Script - The "Tyranny of the Shoulds"
#17: May 14, 2013, 09:19:33 AM

Hm, Thundarr, sounds like I have the female version of a few of yours...

"I should have worked less"

"I should have taken on less responsibility and let him experience his own problems until he solves them by himself"

"I should have paid more attention to him and realized he was slipping slowly into depression"


But also:

"I should have just let him rant about his work every evening, just repeating that he is doing fine and always will and that I love him anyway"
(which I also always believed), and not continue to brainstorm on what he could do to fix his 'problems' that aparently according to him now were none, besides that of course he never ranted (he did, I have witnesses, he has a reputation of being a big ranter - though he got me so brainwashed in the beginning I really started to doubt)

"I should not have left him to work in another county, I should not have let him go on "guys drinking nights " (turned out they weren't...)" maybe insisted to go with him? No idea what, always thought guys needed space (as I do so that was fine with me).

In fact I should have been more controlling, suspicious, less trusting.... don't know what. Still surprised about that one as I am now blamed for being controlling for anything I do. Wonder how I could have been less controling and less giving space than I was...

"I should have bought more sexy underware (and loads of other things, gone more traveling, restaurants, a newer car, etcetc)" instead of saving for 'his' house

Anyway, too late for now, or too early if ever...
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