[Lovebystanding]

Complexes:not all complexes are pathological:

Another way of describing the phenomenon of fragmented identity is in terms of what Jung referred
 to as complexes.   Examples might include a father complex, mother complex, hero complex, child complex, the anima, the animus, etc. All the complexes together Jung called the collective unconscious, or objective psyche. In the altered state, the normally unconscious complexes begin to come into conscious awareness.

Here lies the incompatibility of some of those competing identities. One may be determined to “be good” and stay away from sweets, while another pops up and devours all the candy in the jar.   One identity, which he called a complex, hijacks the whole confederation of identities for a moment or two
before another takes over.

A particularly strong complex is the victim, which fights back when attempts are made to release it.

An example of this predicament is a couple who fall in love with each other at first sight, feeling an almost eerie sense of familiarity, and then gradually realize that they actually hate each other. The familiarity may come from marrying one’s unhealthy parent, re-creating a nuclear family just like the original family of origin.This relationship re-creates the internal conflict that is still waiting to be resolved.

The goal of transformation is to open ourselves up to who we really are and what our true potential is as a human being. It is about growing, learning and discovering instead of hiding, denying and keeping our heads in the sand.

In the Jungian perspective, not all complexes are pathological; only when complexes remain unconscious and operate autonomously do they create difficulties in daily life. Complexes become autonomous when they “dissociate” (split off), accumulating enough psychical energy and content to usurp the executive function of the ego and work against the overall good of the individual.

Autonomous complexes are usually the result of unconscious response to traumatic childhood experiences, or unconscious ingrained patterns left over from interrupted and unfinished developmental milestones. Traumatic experiences typically cause negative fixations or blind-spots, whereas interrupted developmental milestones cause fixation on the satisfiers of unmet needs and compulsive behavior.

 The hallmark of these patterns, or autonomous complexes, is that they operate unconsciously; that is, the person is chronically dissociated. Only when the dissociation is broken and the complex is brought to consciousness can the emotional charge be assimilated and the autonomous nature of the complex be dissolved.

 There are a wide variety of people who seek therapy and have a good strong adult ego within.
These clients with well-developed egos will easily find the adult within and the age will be very close to
their present age. They may have many complexes which require treatment and which are holding them hostage so to speak with self-defeating behavior. These individuals are more likely to be able to release their defenses enough eventually to surrender the ego and reach transformational healing.

[Albatross]

Autonomous complexes are usually the result of unconscious response to traumatic childhood experiences, or unconscious ingrained patterns left over from interrupted and unfinished developmental milestones. Traumatic experiences typically cause negative fixations or blind-spots, whereas interrupted developmental milestones cause fixation on the satisfiers of unmet needs and compulsive behavior.

My mother is borderline and I develop complex in childhood which is pretty automatic, I wouldn't say autonomous. So, borderline are irrational  and very powerful when they want something and that is irrational. So, my reaction on such irrational request, demand or pressure react automatically with tantrum, means my complex is triggered, blood pressure arise, heartbeat rise, adrenalin kick in and my hands start to shake. It is like fight or flight situation. I am at first react rationally but energetic pressure, stubbornness and irrationality of my mother trigger complex. Only that works with borderline fighting back with whole possible psychic energy... Confronting irrationality is cognitive dissonance for sane and also for irrational one. There is no win situation.

I am aware now my complex, why ? Because my W acting as borderline in MLC. Nobody can trigger my complex beside my mother, then W start to trigger it in her MLC. I am now much better and my complex is triggered less times then before and intensity of it is lower. Best way is repeating situation when complex should be triggered and avoid automatic reaction. yes, I am now much, much better on it. But still I have drawback in me after confrontation. Means bad emotions. But every next time is lower and lower. Hopefully in time I will eliminate it.

[Lovebystanding]

Albatross

Thanks for your comments an insight.


Individuals with well-developed egos will easily find the adult within and are more likely to be able to release their defenses enough eventually to surrender the ego and reach transformational healing.

Indeed, according to Jung, the ego, full of distortions and projections, needs to be dissolved before the Self can emerge. The Self, however, which is the totality of the psyche, includes the ego. In the process of individuation one does not destroy the ego, rather one places it in subordinate relation to the Self.

The ego is no longer the center of the personality; the Self, the mandala, which unites all opposites, is its center. What is dissolved is the inflated, concrete ego, pursuing its exclusive selfish purposes, just following its own impulses.
 

If “the disappearance of egohood is the only criterion of change,” how do we recognize it when we see it? What does the disappearance of egohood look like? Following are what we can expect when we make these transformational changes permanent in our lives and in our relationships.

 1. Fully present in every moment, refraining from ego dissociation or distraction.

When the ego is no longer fettered by childhood wounds of abuse, shame and abandonment,
addictive behavior and dissociation are unneeded. The individual has extinguished the deep underlying fear of nonbeing, and feels existentially complete and chooses to remain present in each moment.
 This allows the process of reclaiming the real self to unfold. It means that the individual has permission to feel and express the deepest emotions and thus to release the patterns of dissociation.
Here we refer to ego activity, as contrasted with ego passivity.

2. Daily choices based on intuitive knowledge, wisdom and love rather than on ego-state fear, fabrication and rationalization.

When the person’s deepest motivation changes from fear or avoiding
anticipated pain to an intuitive inner knowing, decisions will always serve the highest good of everyone involved.

3. Identify and manage positive energy and not “take on” negative energy.

As the person becomes free of internal ego preoccupation, he/she becomes aware of the impact of subtle energy and the importance of managing it, able to identify healthy and unhealthy energy patterns in every interaction in oneself, individuals as well as in groups.

4. Live in integrity.

Integrity is the natural result of full cooperation between congruent ego states, with the “private self” and the “public self” transparently one in the same: the real self. Living as an integrated person eliminates self- consciousness, anxiety about approval, defensiveness, and secrets, resulting in honesty, keeping commitments and being trustworthy.

5. Spiritual manifestation of what we say we want.

A measure of ego surrender is manifestation of the goals the individual is clear about wanting.
He/she has eliminated the causes of any inability to manifest what he/she wants: deep unconscious feelings of unworthiness, or unconscious beliefs that are contrary to what is desired (for example, the person may be asking to manifest money, but the unconscious belief may be that money is evil).

6. Acceptance of ourselves for who we are, acknowledging the continued growth we desire.

The life path of transformational work replaces the ego’s tendency tojudge by performance and conditional love, instead accepting oneself as a “work in progress.”
Ego surrendering is a continuing lifelong process, not a single event. Here we refer to internal locus of control, as contrasted with external locus of control, and the importance of playfulness.
Ego maturity is not a static state; indeed, it is one of constant dynamic growth.

7. Healing and resolving unhealthy relationships, and attracting healthy ones.

Healing any “victim consciousness” pattern imprints in the unconscious mind releases the repetition
compulsion to repeat those imprinted unhealthy relationships. Every relationship in our lives reflects the deepest belief system in our minds. The surrendering ego is full of compassion.

8. We freely express our emotions spontaneously through healthy release.

In transformational work, people learn to identify emotions through being aware of the bodily sensations that accompany a feeling, and to release these emotions in a way that doesn’t hurt another person or property, free from projecting unacknowledged or repressed feelings onto others. Here we refer to flexibility and spontaneity, as contrasted with ego rigidity.

9. We are current, not unfinished, in every interaction of every relationship.

 Ending the repression of feelings or holding on to unexpressed feelings eliminates projection, and thus unfinished business in relationships. Jungian analyst Marilyn Nagy  says,
“Whatever qualities we have that are unknown to us we experience first of all in projection.” Forgiveness is vitally important.Being current in relationships is also important when we are speaking of a conscious death. Unfinished business in this process will be painful. If we are unable to forgive on the Soul level, then we may karmically attract this person back into our next lifetime to replay the relationship again in another version.

10. Prepared for a conscious death, no matter how unexpectedly it may come.

Socrates said that “true philosophers make dying their profession, and to them of all men death is least alarming”. A conscious death is one that is accepted with emotional equanimity and spiritual confidence.

11. Recognize the karmic patterns being fulfilled, and stop creating new karma
 (accept that “I am 100% responsible for my experience of my life”).
A powerful way to work through karmic issues is to become aware of your individual karmic lessons in this lifetime. This gives the very deepest spiritual meaning to the concept of “I am 100% responsible for what I create and experience in my life.” It is only by seeing the bigger picture of our lives that we heal and release the old karmic patterns. Once we get the lesson, we no longer need to repeat it. We then devote our energies to serving the transformation of others helping them to transmute their fear, anxiety, negativity, addictions and illness into love, power and oneness.

[Lovebystanding]

Depression,chemical imbalance ,mood swings....some cases may  have a personality disorder as well.

Most people with BPD also experience depression, but some experts have noted that the quality or experience of depression is different in BPD. While most people experience depression as intense sadness, people with BPD may be more likely to experience anger, shame, loneliness, or emptiness.
Depression is an brain-chemistry illness that affects both men and women.

Both depressed men and women might lose interest in sex, but again, our society leads us to believe that men will seek out sex at all costs. Therefore, when men withdraw from their wives sexually, we often think of infidelity, when in actuality, depression may be to blame......INTERESTING!



10 Ways to Help Yourself When Your Partner Is Depressed

When depression takes over your partner, you’re likely to go through an emotional waterboarding, a torture you have to escape. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, helpless to do anything. You take the brunt of the punishing anger or indifference that is all your partner can give you.
The relationship that means the most to you feels like it’s breaking fast. What can you do to keep yourself together?

Here are 10 ideas drawn from the experience of people who have had to live with depressed partners.

1.Take care of yourself as well as you can.
When depression strikes and you find yourself living with a distant stranger, it’s only natural to focus first on your partner. You’re likely shocked and confused and want to bring back the familiar loving person you know. But it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs and gradually undermine the health and inner balance you need to get through the crisis. The obstacles are huge since your partner is right there and depression is now part of your life. It’s important to keep your own life going, get out of the hothouse as often as you can and spend time on the things that most help you relax.

2.Get help.
There’s so much stress in living with depression that you should reach out for support. Perhaps you have caring friends you trust enough to confide in, or can find a support group, online communities, perhaps individual counseling, . That’s the critical first step. And keep on getting their help. You need regular support because the injury doesn’t stop until depression does.

3.It’s not your fault.
 Depression is the cause of the problem, not you. Nothing you’ve done could have brought on the ugly transformation of your partner – whatever accusations they might throw at you. Nor is it possible for you to fix the illness. Depression is complicated, not fully understood, and has multiple causes. No one really knows how to cure it. You may be able to help your partner get the right kind of help, but they need to commit to the work of recovery and stay with it.

4.Learn about depression and how pervasive an impact it can have.
That will prepare you to recognize the many ways it can distort your partner’s behavior. You should realize, though, that what you’re learning is just a small part of an evolving field of research. It’s easy to jump to conclusions about exactly what’s wrong and what can be done about it. Consulting a mental health professional is a good way to get further insight into your partner’s illness.

5.Offer love and support without trying to be directive.
Suggest it might be helpful – but pushing it, demanding that he get help in certain ways or learn what you’ve been learning won’t work. Tell him you’re trying to figure out what all the changes in the relationship have been about – and will be there to help as much as you can.

6.Depression can control you both.
Be aware of the danger that you can easily be drawn into the same vortex that’s spinning your partner around.... described as Depression Fallout. Depression Is Contagious. It’s common to develop your own illness as a result of living with a depressed person. That’s why it’s so important to get all the help you can and to watch your emotional and physical state.

7.Break the Cycle.
One way to keep from being dependent on your partner’s moods is to look closely at your reactions to each of them. What are the worst, most painful moments for you – the ones that trigger your most intense feelings? What does your partner do to set you off? What is the feeling that wells up in you – anger, fear, hopelessness? And what do you do in response – meet attack for attack, hold your feelings in, leave? How do you feel about your own reactions afterward? It can help to track these reactions on paper at first to help you recognize the triggering events. That tactic could make it easier to interrupt your usual reaction, restore a sense of emotional independence and break the cycle that’s hurting you in so many ways.

8.Be tolerant of yourself.
You probably can’t stop the emotional rollercoaster all at once or persuade your partner to get help or take perfect care of yourself. Expecting too much too soon can only lead to more frustration and reduced self-esteem. You already have enough of those to deal with.

9.You Can’t Go Back.
Try to remember that the relationship you used to know may not return. It’s likely to be changed as a result of living with depression, especially if it recurs of if a single episode continues for several months, perhaps even years. It’s only natural to long for the return of the loving partner you used to know – your partner wants the same thing – but be prepared that it may not be so simple as that. You and your partner are more likely to face a gradual process of redefining how to live together.

10.They’re responsible.
Depression may be the underlying problem, but that fact doesn’t take away responsibility for destructive behavior. When feeling better they may tell you it’s depression driving them to act so hurtfully. The familiar refrain is: Don’t take it personally. But of course it’s personal. They’re constantly hitting you where it hurts. The anger, attacks, threats to leave and withdrawal are as personal as it gets in a relationship. It’s especially important, then to set boundaries. Depressed partners have know when you can’t take anymore, or they cross a line that can’t be crossed. Remind them about what’s at stake. If they go too far, they’ll lose everything.


 

[Lovebystanding]

At BD my H said that we were not meant for each other .
 As the MLC  process goes on one hopes that there is a healing of the unconscious ...as the article below explains.

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it happen outside, as fate:-

“Until you heal your subconscious/unconscious, it will control your life, ‘make’ you do ‘unhelpful’ things and you, being in the ‘dark’, will think that what happens is either ‘meant to be’ or that it ‘cannot be helped’. You will also think that you know ‘truth’, when instead you are ‘blinded’ by conditioning. You will always be a slave to what others once said, did to you, or caused you to experience.”

At the onset of MLC the shadow is released and takes over ...followed by seperation of self .It is only at the end of the crisis that reintergration takes place when a person's full self is in balance.The MLcer's suffering is the result of the conflict he not yet conscious of.Confusion is the beginning of wisdom …the unexpected consequences of getting to know your shadow and including it in your life. Once this process is underway it’s difficult to stop. In fact, being crippled, unable to function in one’s usual way, is an apt metaphor for those in a midlife crisis.

 Anima is an unconscious factor incarnated anew in every male child, and is responsible for the mechanism of projection.Jung distinguished four broad stages of the anima in the course of a man’s psychological development.

 In the first stage, Eve, the anima is completely tied up with the mother.
 In the second stage, personified in the historical figure of Helen of Troy, the anima is a collective sexual image.
The third stage of the anima is Mary.  It manifests in religious feelings and a capacity for genuine friendship between the sexes.
In the four stage, as Sophia (called Wisdom in the Bible), a man’s anima functions as guide to the inner life, mediating to consciousness the contents of the unconscious. Sophia is behind the need to grapple with the grand philosophical issues, the search for meaning.  She is a natural mate for the “wise old man” in the male psyche. The sexuality of a man at this stage is naturally exuberant, since it incorporates a spiritual dimension.

The transition from one stage to another seldom happens without a struggle –if it takes place at all – for the psyche not only promotes and supports growth, it is also, paradoxically, conservative and loathe to give up what it knows....people frequently turn out to be completely different from the way we thought they were.

The psychological priority in the first half of life is for a man to free himself from the anima fascination of the mother. In later life, the lack of a conscious relationship with the anima is attended by symptoms characteristic of "loss of soul."When a man is full of life he is “animated” The man with connection to his soul feels dull and lifeless. Nowadays we call this depression –prime symptom of a midlife crisis   The primitive mind called it loss of soul.

Jung-
In Jungian terms, 'finding one's soul' or Self involves confronting the unconscious, and Integrating its elements into consciousness.
Jung outlined steps in the project of one’s soul journey, a process he named individuation.·       
 They are:
Encounter with the Shadow
Encounter with your Soul-Image
Encounter with your God-Image
Emergence of the Self
Individuation is usually described in terms of objectifying the persona, integrating the shadow, coming to terms with the syzygy and finally relating to the Self

Conway-

Men in MLC have 4 enemies according to Conway -
 their marriage, their God, their Work and their body -

[Lovebystanding]

PD/ MLC or Pick's disease (frontotemporal dementia)
The defining characteristics of frontotemporal dementia is personality change.

FIL has alzheimer's.... H is 55y...."frontal lobe atrophy"  can occur around 40-50 in males and females and is a precursor to dementia and Alzheimers.

Accepting that a loved one has any type of dementia can be difficult. When someone we care about develops frontotemporal dementia, the shock can be particularly hard to absorb, because one of the defining characteristics of frontotemporal dementia is personality change. Spouses of many years will often feel that their husband or wife has totally changed, and they are at a loss to explain the "stranger" their spouse has become.
 
Frontotemporal dementia is thought to be caused by a breakdown of nerve cells in the fronto-temporal lobe of the brain.  The early personality changes can help doctors differentiate between frontotemporal dementia and Alzheimer's, since memory loss is often the earliest symptom of Alzheimer's  disease, while personality change is generally evident from the start of frontotemporal dementia.
 
 Frontotemporal dementia is less familiar to most people than Alzheimer's disease.....the National Institutes of Health (NIH )site states that, "People with Pick's disease (frontotemporal dementia) tend t.o. behave the wrong way in different social settings. The changes in behavior continue to get worse and are often one of the most disturbing symptoms of the disease. Some patients will have more prominent difficulty with decision making, complex tasks, or language."
 
The NIH lists compulsive behaviors, inappropriate behavior, inability to function or interact in social or personal situations, abrupt mood changes, failure to recognize changes in behavior, failure to show appropriate "warmth, concern, empathy, sympathy" and many other personality changes, as symptoms.
Memory loss does figure in to frontotemporal dementia, just as it does Alzheimer's, and personality changes do occur with Alzheimer's disease, so seeing a specialist for a dementia diagnosis is generally a good idea.
 
"The cause of some forms of frontotemporal dementia is a genetically determined reduction of a hormone-like growth factor, progranulin....various drugs that are already on the market to treat malaria, angina pectoris or heart rhythm disturbances can increase the production of progranulin."