[karmirtsaghik]

I am not purple yet either, but my H. Proposed reconciliation 5 months after BD. We have been reconnecting ever since March, 2015. He really wanted to come home recently, but I am not in a great hurry. I am not 100 % sure I want him back. After he left I became much stronger and more confident, and I am not sure I want a man like that  in my life. He needs to eqrn his right to call himself my H. This being said, he is doing much much better, than a year ago. He still is not cooked, but then in my opinion they were not cooked to start with. His crisis started at least 3 years ago.

[barbiedoll]

My husband dropped the bomb in may 2013 . ( he was already having an affair for atleast 2 months) . I can look back and pretty clearly see he was spinning for about 5 years prior to that. Of course, that is in hindsight only. I entered a very very difficult menopause about 5 years ago with extreme anxiety and hot flashes, insomnia .. everything you can suffer with, I got it. I was up during the night and frequently stayed on the couch to not disturb him. He was very very understanding and supported crazy, horribly miserable , unhappy me. He started to " perceive" he could not "make me happy" and this was the beginning of his trip to the land of OZ. There was a quote I recently read . "I feel very safe and secure if I can make you happy. The minute , you are no longer happy, I feel you no longer want me."   Sums up what I am beginning to learn in therapy. All childhood based scars. Back to the question.. in august , I kicked him out of our home.  I went no contact as I thought I would die to see him. In November , I had a dream about an affair he was having and who it was . ( I swear to god ). I confronted him mid to late November .. face to face. He lied and lied but eventually blurted out that yes indeed he "was having sex with the %$#@!" . He was enraged . I believe it was about 1 week later , he was sobbing on his knees wanting to come home.. I knew about his affair for 1 week . He was been back in the house since December 2013. Fastest crazy-assed assault of my life went from May until Dec 2013. And then the hard part started.. reconstructing a marriage , a life , a family and learning to breathe again.