[How am I supposed to act, understanding or no contact, emotional asking for him back he is sleeping with another woman after only being with each for the last 23 years help what do I do]

How am I supposed to act, understanding or no contact, emotional asking for him back he is sleeping with another woman after only being with each for the last 23 years help what do I do

No contact

6 (85.7%)

Ask to come home

0 (0%)

Just be understanding

1 (14.3%)

Total Members Voted: 7

Voting closed: March 13, 2024, 02:32:32 AM

[Calicathy]

I can't stop crying  , overthinking, and lost , I love my H , 23 YEARS 3 together amd just left me for another woman 3-1-24
Told me he has a girlfriend can no longer kiss me or care about me , and doesn't even look sad ,, me says there no future won't even try , I still in love and don't wanna give up what to do no contact which is so hard please help

[Nas]

I’m so sorry. Every time I read a new story on here, I remember those first few weeks. It seems rare that someone finds this forum so immediately after bomb drop. You are as raw as a person can possibly be, please know we all know the pain you are feeling.

I can’t vote in your poll because I don’t necessarily agree with any hard and fast rule for contact. The three options you gave are not the only options that might make sense for a particular situation. There is no blueprint unfortunately.

My main focus, given that you are literally a week out from bomb drop, would be getting you to a place where you are on more stable ground. Can you share a little more about your situation, living situation, do you have kids at home, etc.? We all remember how it’s very hard to think practically at this time, but there are things that it’s also crucial to get ahead of.

[Anoi]

I can't stop crying  , overthinking, and lost , I love my H , 23 YEARS 3 together amd just left me for another woman 3-1-24
Told me he has a girlfriend can no longer kiss me or care about me , and doesn't even look sad ,, me says there no future won't even try , I still in love and don't wanna give up what to do no contact which is so hard please help

Do what will bring You the most comfort. Begging him to come home will? Or angry talks and scandals?
Will it bring you peace to shut him off completely and wait till he calls/writes?
Don't acr out of anger, out of despair, out of fear. Act out of love for You, out of care for You.
No matter what you do right now will take the pain away, your goal is not to add up to Your pain with your own actions.
Sorry that you are here, sorry that you have to go through this.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are here. I can't answer your poll either as I totally agree with NAS that each situation is different and there is no hard fast rule to contact and how your husband is acting and treating you is a major determination in how you respond to your H.

Don't acr out of anger, out of despair, out of fear. Act out of love for You, out of care for You.

Remember, detachment and setting boundaries is for protecting you. You are not trying to manipulate or punish him, but to provide a safe place for you to heal. The time is now for your self care and focus on eating right, getting some sleep, and some exercise. The first few weeks are just terrible and it really shakes our boundary to what we feel is real.

When you get a chance, post more on your situation and you can begin to document your road to recovery.

Take care of yourself and I wish you find one moment of bliss today,

(((Ready)))

[Baxter1]

Cali,

It’s very tough in the beginning but it does get better. The good people here can help you get through this. We were all in your shoes and the emotional rollercoaster seems unbearable. Like others have said take care of yourself. It’s just horrible to hear that someone you’ve loved and trusted for all those years can just turn on you, it’s like getting hit by a train. Posting here and venting and getting ideas is great. This site and Kendas other resources have gotten me and others through some trying times.

Good luck and sorry you’re here

[Songanddance]

Calicathy

I'm what you call a "veteran /old timer" on here coming up to 11yrs since BD. 24 yrs married and he had OW for 3.5 yrs.

The first few days/weeks and months are a complete and utter rollercoaster and you will receive lots of good advice on here.

My initial advice is to do nothing in the heat of any moment.  That way lies more heartache.
Ny next advice is - Breathe and ask yourself what can I do in the next 5 minutes that is productive for me - even something as simple as making a cup of tea or washing your face etc... And then what can you do in the next 5 or ten minutes and build it up slowly throughout the day.
Next - take the time to check your finances and protect whatever you need to live off as MLCers tend to spend money like no tomorrow and don't care about the costs or debts incurred on your behalf.
Finally - of course you're still in love; this has hit you like a ten ton truck and you cannot be expected or expect yourself to fall out of love.  Understand that you will be up and down like a yo yo more times than a flddler's elbow.  It is normal.
Therefore study all the articles on here written by RCR- become a student of MLC as it is possible this is what has happened for you. 
Learn how to detach using the articles to help you and learn that none of this is your fault - none of his behaviour is your responsibility and none of what he says is to be believed and watch what he does with fascination and incredulity.

This is a difficult time for you - keep posting, keep journalling - we are all here for you.

[MadLuv]

If I could have a “ do over” I think I would have went no contact unless he contacted me.  I would have been kind, but in different in those cases and  definitely would not have tried to “save him” from
Himself.

What I did do that worked was journaled here, read as many and as much as I could about Avoidants, covert narcissist  and the emotionally immature. Understanding that it is them and not you is hard to grasp, but it is so true.  They have to figure themselves out. Period!!!  Right now, he is not doing that work and that is why you see someone you dont recognize.

They say, It gets worse before it gets better!!!! It sure does!! I had no idea of the level of deceit and betrayal my XH was capable of.  He never in 30 years ever said an unkind word to me, never raised his voice .  That actually should have been a red flag.. 🚩  Each MLCer is unique and have their own issues, but just know that it is very possible that you dont know but a smidgen of what he has done or what is going on.

Keep your mind busy with hobbies, walking, listen to music. Confide in friends that you can trust, but dont over load one friend.  They will lose  sympathy quickly and not understand why you still care about this man that is hurting you. If you can afford a therapist it is worth the money to talk to one and just clear your head.

Take care of yourself. The first year is just the most painful thing ever. 2nd year you start to calm and  come to more acceptance. Year 3  you should start to feel like you will survive it and start to  recognize yourself again.