[OldPilot]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development

I think that the best we can do is be sure that our children make it through each stage of development without feeling abandoned and although they may be down one parent their are other ways to make up for that.

Father missing for young teenage boys,
how about enrolling them in boy scouts
or girl scouts for girls if mother is missing.

Having good adult role models helps.
Our children watch us and develop properly despite sometimes poor parenting.
They are going to rebel against us and they sometimes must learn how to grow up on their own.

MLC, FOO or not, survival  of the fittest will prevail

[31andcounting]

I agree Brain!!    One person can make a difference
(hugs)
31

[LaughLoveLive]

A few points here that my own IC mentioned to me when I raised this common worry.

I was told:
First ten years of life it's critical to form an attachment with an adult who meets their needs, including the need to "matter"

I definitely see the seeds of my Hs MLC in early childhood events (adopted separately from his twin brother ages 2, some time after his birth mother left)

My girls have me, and my explanations of what's happened, my efforts to place their emotional wellbeing on the priority list, and my consistent, stable and (mostly) calm presence in their lives. As well as my example of learning to find gratitude and peace and joy regardless of your circumstances.

I hope that's enough to reduce the chances of long term emotional /relationship issues for them.

[onlyjo]

If we the LBS can get ourselves healthy and strong I believe the children will learn from that no matter the age.

what 31 said...
i have a friend who came from a ridiculously horrible family life--her father was abusive, crazy, probably drunk or on drugs, the parents divorced and the mother remarried while my friend was still in early high school.  she told me "as long as your d's have one stable parent--that's you--they'll be fine"
this friend certainly has her issues (don't we all???) but is a straight up gal and a good parent and from what i can tell of her marriage (who really knows), a good wife. 

my d's were 9, 8, and 4 at BD and are now 14, 12, and 8.  i have wondered the same thing as you, ember, and really have to believe what 31 posted.  i'm getting feedback, and observing behavior from the d's, that it's really true.  of course, i would be LYING if sometimes i didn't want the d's to DENOUNCE their father for his deplorable behavior--but i don't expect that. 

the d's DO, however, and in a pretty offhand way, say things about how angry their father is.  things like
You know how he yells all the time
and
you know how he's always angry when ____

in talking to the d's about the situation b/w their father and me, i used vague terminology such as "your father seems confused about a lot of things right now" or "i" statements like "i have too much self-respect to let your father talk to me that way"

who knows if the d's will have insurmountable FOO issues because of their father's MLC.  hell, they could have insurmountable FOO issues because of me, and that would just be the way the cookie crumbled; the difference being, though, that i do MY VERY BEST to be a parent, not a friend, not someone who puts myself first, and not someone who's so weak that i'll shy away from any potential unpleasantness, real or perceived. 

it's all mind-boggling.  and at the end of the day, i guess we all just do the best we can.  the sad part is that either the MLCer IS doing the best he can (and it's just pathetic and weak) or he's CHOSEN to put himself and his skankho wife and her family before his own children. 

end result is the same. 
onlyjo

[ember]

I only hope that the parenting I have done since their dad left 6 years ago is enough to keep both my kids sane. I had my tight family to help out as well. I guess I just have to keep my fingers crossed.