[bluerose]

Please do another thread. You help everyone so much. I know how grateful i am for you doing this and so are many others. Thank you thank you thank you!!

[Nas]

ditto!

[Watcher]

Denjef,

I have had a roller coaster of 2 days. My W has been a little all over the place. Today she tells me that she will do the necessary work for the marriage. She wants the marriage. She is not asking me to come home. She is going to seek help.

We have talked many hours and it does seem different and of course I am more than skeptical at 19 months from BD. She is willing to take a chance and I am hesitant.

I don't see any remorse and she still blames. She still has her walls up but she is telling me the time is now to start working and moving forward. She says this is the opportunity that I have been waiting for.

Does it turn on just like that ? I met her for coffee yesterday after 75 days NC and we talked about our marriage. She is hurt, angry, vulnerable and willing to take a leap. I know it's actions and not words. I just don't know if it's possible for this turn around. Then again, we have only talked 37 days over 19 months so maybe I have been out of the process.

I just don't know. It feels like I have been here before but it also feels different this time. She talks a lot about the kids. I see and hear the fear. Right now we are just talking on the phone. I do have to give her a chance here. Correct ?

I'm not moving back in and we are going to take things slowly. I am really overwhelmed at the moment with everything that she is talking about with all her hurt and pain. And again, it's all her hurt and pain.

I just don't know how this dance is supposed to start now. I know that I cant shut her out so I am listening. Any thoughts ?

Thanks Denjef

[Roma]

If it's not too hard for you, Please do another thread. Thank you so much again.

[No expectations]

Denjef,

I think everyone gains so much from your words, I know I do.  Even when you answer others, I see so much more clearly, and have learned more empathy for my H because of you.  Please continue if it isn't too much for you.

Thank you as always!

[Keep believing]

Im curious den , when you are in the fog what kind of talk, words actions would make you feel good about your spouse. 
You tell us that " love" or any kind of hug of the sorts are out of question.
It seems as though if we are negative thats a slam to an already low self esteem.
Also we need to avoid anything to boost an ego. Is there anything said or done beside leaving you alone that made you feel better or made feelings seem to surface ( at least for a liitle while)  for your spouse. When memories  are mentioned , how did that affect you?

[Anjae]

It is time for a new thread, Dej. I will be locking this one. Please be so kind so start a new one. Thank you.



new thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8542.0