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Author Topic: Discussion Book Recommendations

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Discussion Re: Book Recommendations
#160: October 17, 2011, 06:56:32 PM
Oh Believer, a CRAFT ROOM......I'm jealous!

I did buy a great long table for $20 at a garage sale.  It is higher than normal so also great for preparing my wedding bouquets on or cutting my quilt fabric.
I love those rag quilts.  They do look cosy.  I've nearly finshed my D's quilt and then I've got to keep going with the boy's quilts.  S9's I'm designing.  he loves train, so it has steam engine fabric etc but I'm trying to work out how to place it all together so it doesn't look like a mess.

I'm in a great group of ladies where we meet at the instructors home.  Her H makes coffee for us all and we have a great time chatting and receiving advice on our quilting progress.

Must dash down to that craft store now!!
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« Last Edit: October 20, 2011, 05:52:32 AM by Stillpraying »
BD 18th Oct 2009
exH Left home 9th April 2011
Split with OW3 (fiance) Jan 2016. (no break between OWs).

W
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Re: Book Recommendations
#161: October 19, 2011, 08:16:40 PM
I just got my copy of The Solo Partner from Amazon yesterday.  I read through chapters 8 and 9 (on pursuit and distancing) about 3 times in a row as soon as I opened it.  I didn't even sit down.  I will probably be reading them over and over, as well as eventually the rest of the book as well.  If you don't have a copy already, and especially if you are dealing with a natural distancer or an extreme distancer, I HIGHLY recommend it!
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"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City.  For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great.  You have no power over me."

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Re: Book Recommendations
#162: October 20, 2011, 05:59:34 AM
If I can find an electronic copy of The Solo Partner, I may start another discussion thread like the one for Forgive For Love.

(Electronic copies make it a lot easier to copy-and-paste quotes for discussion purposes, and I don't have to prop a book open while I'm typing.)
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Me: 45, Her: 40. Married 16 1/2 years, together(-ish) 20.
Status: BD 8/25/09, she moved out 8/28/10. No talk of D.

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W
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Re: Book Recommendations
#163: October 20, 2011, 09:15:31 AM
Yeah, I read all the threads and links about the book on here first.  Good stuff!  I can't quite put my finger on what it was about the book itself that hit it home for me that much more.  Obviously the author explains it in a bit more detail, over a couple chapters as opposed to a couple pages.  Maybe it was just his manner of writing, maybe I was just in the right place to read it...  Whatever it was, BAM!  It just hit me.  I think it would have been highly applicable to me and my H even without a MLC thrown in the works.
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"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City.  For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great.  You have no power over me."

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Re: Book Recommendations
#164: October 22, 2011, 08:54:07 PM
I'd like to recommend the book The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships - What's Going On Behind The Scenes by Douglas Moseley and Naomi Moseley.

Quote => "This book is a must read for folks who desire a deeper understanding of marriage dynamics."  John Bradshaw

Very eye opening...
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L
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Re: Book Recommendations
#165: October 30, 2011, 05:41:17 PM
Copied from my thread...

I just read the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff, and I HIGHLY recommend it to all LBSr's (and probably all of our MLCr's as well, but you know they're not going to read it).

Here is a passage that I think is perfect for us:

There are things about ourselves that we need to get rid of; there are things we need to change.  But at the same time, we do not need to be too desperate, too ruthless, too combative.  Along the way to usefulness and happiness, many of those things will change themselves, and the others can be worked on as we go.  The first thing we need to do is trust our own Inner Nature, and not lose sight of it.

There is also a passage regarding the Bisy Backson (our MLCrs):

All work and no play makes Backson a dull boy.  Kept up for long enough, it makes him dead, too.

I found such wisdom in this book and it's a really quick read.  Couple it with the other self focus work you are doing.  It's just so simple, and it is right on with RCR's principles.
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« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 05:42:41 PM by Little Chief »
"You can only walk into a wall so many times before you realize there's not a friggin door there!"  --- Summer Progress

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Re: Book Recommendations
#166: October 30, 2011, 06:07:23 PM
Copied from my thread...

I just read the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff, and I HIGHLY recommend it to all LBSr's (and probably all of our MLCr's as well, but you know they're not going to read it).

Here is a passage that I think is perfect for us:

There are things about ourselves that we need to get rid of; there are things we need to change.  But at the same time, we do not need to be too desperate, too ruthless, too combative.  Along the way to usefulness and happiness, many of those things will change themselves, and the others can be worked on as we go.  The first thing we need to do is trust our own Inner Nature, and not lose sight of it.

There is also a passage regarding the Bisy Backson (our MLCrs):

All work and no play makes Backson a dull boy.  Kept up for long enough, it makes him dead, too.

I found such wisdom in this book and it's a really quick read.  Couple it with the other self focus work you are doing.  It's just so simple, and it is right on with RCR's principles.
[/quote

Ok dont get me wrong here... life is all about constant improvement... that is what we do... but I am currious... sometimes... I get a little fed up with it all.  I know I might be interpreting it to the extreme... and maybe I am wrong... but just because our MLCer went off the deep end... does that mean WE have to change.. again... this is in the context of we are all changing and growing all the time... and because of the situation... growth and change has been accelerated... but the way I read this sometimes is we all suck and need to learn to get a life... which I understand is is a fundamental tenant of all of this... but it almost seems to be in direct conflict with.. this is about them.. not us.  I didnt do anything wrong... W had a screwed up childhood... I thought she had gotten over it... turns out not so much... Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree here?  Not trying to derail your thread... :/


Me.
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L
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Re: Book Recommendations
#167: October 31, 2011, 06:01:57 PM
Ziggee,

Try to think of it with yourself removed.  Your W was going to go off the deep end with or without you. You have absolutely no control over that, so to think in any way, shape or form that you do is just you swimming against the current.  Per the book:

"What we need to do is recognize Inner Nature and work with Things As They Are.  When we don't, we get into trouble."

Your W is currently batsh*t crazy.  Work with it.  What could you do now that you couldn't or wouldn't before? What is something you could do or say that you held back on before?  The fact is, you made sacrifices to be in your marriage.  We all did.  You don't have to keep up the sacrificing.  You can Be.  Anything.  Work with Things As They Are.
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Re: Book Recommendations
#168: October 31, 2011, 06:47:36 PM
Ziggee,

Try to think of it with yourself removed.  Your W was going to go off the deep end with or without you. You have absolutely no control over that, so to think in any way, shape or form that you do is just you swimming against the current.  Per the book:

"What we need to do is recognize Inner Nature and work with Things As They Are.  When we don't, we get into trouble."

Your W is currently batsh*t crazy.  Work with it.  What could you do now that you couldn't or wouldn't before? What is something you could do or say that you held back on before?  The fact is, you made sacrifices to be in your marriage.  We all did.  You don't have to keep up the sacrificing.  You can Be.  Anything.  Work with Things As They Are.

Yes sacrifices... maybe... but I dont know that I would change any one of them... my wife always says I am too willing to settle... or maybe... it just does not take a whole lot to amuse me and make me happy.  I am amused by just about anything... Now this kinda bugs me... we have 6 kids... 6 kids is not cheep... she has almost everyone at my work goes away for the winter for an all exclusive trip.  Well that is her dream... and sure we can do that.. once.. one every 10 years... but guess what.. we all made our choices... they have 2.1 kids and get to go on trips every year... we... will have a stink load of grandchildren... and I am guessing at least one of the six will take care of me when I get old and need my diaper changed :)...

I am growing and changing everyday... that is part of life.. after spending a childhood of learning and adapting feeling differant.. I am finally comfortable in my skin.  I am willing to make adjustments kind of adjustments... it just sometimes feels like no one was ever good enough when the whole point is.. this is not about us... it is about them.  I know W wants something more for herself right now and as misdirected and confused is it is all coming out... I would be so cool with her chasing her bliss.. but you also have to live with your choices and cant just walk away from those choices because it is not convenient...

I think we are might be on two different channels here? As us geeks say..... parity error... there has to be a geek here who gets that :/

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L
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Re: Book Recommendations
#169: November 01, 2011, 03:20:11 AM
Quote
I am willing to make adjustments kind of adjustments... it just sometimes feels like no one was ever good enough when the whole point is.. this is not about us... it is about them.

And your life continues to be about her.  Stop giving her that privilege!  Make your life about you.  Have you thought about taking your kids camping?  Cheaper than a "dream vacation" but could be just as much if not more fun.  My neighbors took a trip across America and camped the whole way.  They LOVED it.

Yea, MLC sucks and it sucks they are doing this.  But stop making her crisis your crisis.  You DON'T deserve that.  Give yourself better.
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"You can only walk into a wall so many times before you realize there's not a friggin door there!"  --- Summer Progress

 

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