Author Topic: My Story Life is like a box of chocolates  (Read 2769 times)

Offline UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #60 on: May 07, 2018, 04:42:23 AM »
That may very well be true that he is feeling a bit of the guilt but, in the grand plan, it doesn't matter.

If a lawyer were to receive such a note, they'd probably be inclined to refute each claim by quoting the relevant citations from the agreement/decree but that is why they charge for the air that gets breathed int heir offices too...

What was the point of the letter anyway except to go on ad nauseum about supposed non-compliance?
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #61 on: May 07, 2018, 04:53:51 AM »
It is not easy to represent yourself SF~  it puts you right in the middle of the legal blarney!    Emotionally, I bet it weakens you!  I understand the costs and money but lawyers are usually "not nice"  so please don't expect something nice from them!
They get paid by the word and number pages a document is!!  Blah, Blah, Blah!

I wish you could step back from it a bit!
Hurting people hurt people :(

Online Savoir FaireTopic starter

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #62 on: May 07, 2018, 06:12:25 AM »
Yes Ursa, the point of the letter was to list silly non-compliance items.  I have been TRYING to get an answer about some of the items, but as usual H cannot agree on anything he doesn't want, so the circle continues.

I will send one more letter but I have NO faith in our legal system or lawyers as I have been burned at every turn and it cost me a fortune for no result at all. The lawyers lined their pockets, no-one wins in a divorce battle except them. Every letter my lawyer wrote got no response from H, or he just decided to not answer my questions or requests.

31, there really isn't any legal battle left, the court has drawn up the final papers and we just need to sell the property, but H won't agree on an agent for this, so the paperwork goes back and forth.  It is exhausting and I will be very grateful when I can take a break from it all.  90% of it is blah, blah, blab, reminds me of H to a T.   ;D
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way.'s thread)

Offline serenity

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #63 on: May 07, 2018, 07:26:17 AM »
Hello dear Savvy

I’m so sorry that this is all just dragging on and on for you and costing you so much. Just an utter waste of time and your money!

I’m not surprised really though. MLCers seem to drag it all out, making painful and costly as they go! Like you said the only people that benefit are the lawyers!

Sending you a hug


Offline Treasur

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #64 on: May 07, 2018, 10:42:00 AM »
Savvy, sorry that this is dragging on. Bit like you - on a lesser scale - my xh is doing (or rather not doing) ridiculous things about the last bits of joint business. It's exhausting because we get to a point where we just want it to end. It's nonsensical because we want to say 'look, xh, you got what you wanted so why can't you just have a decent half hour, do the sensible things and then go away and stop adding mess to my life.'

No advice....just commiseration xxx
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Kanvan

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #65 on: May 07, 2018, 11:18:15 AM »
Sending hugs Savoir!! I hate that you have to deal with this girl! Chin up, you are the queen regardless!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced

Offline Anjae

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #66 on: May 07, 2018, 06:42:03 PM »
The lawyers have a way of writing a letter to dash all your hopes, I wonder if they get schooled in how to completely destroy another persons' hopes?

They are lawyers for a reason. Take if from someone who thought of being a lawyer.

I am now representing myself and felt like phoning H's lawyer and telling him exactly what I thought of his stupid letter.

Don't. You are up againg a professional. Behave like one. If you got a letter, reply by letter.

The letter keeps banging on about how H is such a good person because he has complied with the court orders (not) and how I haven't >:(  He bangs on for three paragraphs about that >:( Listing every tiny, tiny thing he sees as non-compliance :-\

Lawyers intimidate people and tend to serve their clients. Keep this in mind, Savy. Also, you are, somehow, at a disavantage, your husband has a lawyer, you do not.

When you reply, just list the facts. Husband hasn't complied with court orders X, Z and Y, you complied with all orders (you can list them as well). Emotion is not going to serve you here.

All I had asked for was an advocate to choose the agent and they say this is in contravention of the orders which it false because it states this in the orders that we can "choose an agent or advocate we agree n"

Then send what it is stated. Better, send a copy of said document as part of your reply. You can underline that part.

I feel the letter is a lot of 'legal speak' but xH has still asked it to be sent, so it's still his letter and I am disappointed he still feels so firetrucking entitled to send this trash to me. 

It come from a lawyer, of course it is "legal speak". You are now your own lawyer, being disappointed he still feels so entitled and in need to trash you is irrelevant..

The one thing I would like is to receive something from him or a legal representative which has some kindness to it.

Lawyers don't exactly do kindness. It is not their job.

He sent me not only all the stuff the lawyer did, but all the lawyers correspondence between offices which was meant only from him ;D

Good. There may not be anything relevant there, but now you have it. 

31 is right, lawyers aren't usually nice. Like I said above, it is not their job to be nice or kind. And it is their job to serve their client. And when a lawyers knows the other side has no lawyer, or decided to represent themselves the lawyer will go rough and full force.

For the lawyer, this is one more job, for you it has emotional charge.

Hope it all goes well.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Reinventing

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #67 on: May 07, 2018, 07:04:24 PM »
SF, your exH is consistent. Remember that money drives him. Personally I think he has to be financially separate from you to move through the tunnel because you represent his mother.

On the practical side of things, I may disagree a bit with Anjae here, which is unusual for me.

What happens if you don't do anything?

Online stillbaffled

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #68 on: May 07, 2018, 08:02:09 PM »

No advice....just commiseration xxx

From me as well, SF. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Chookie

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Re: Life is like a box of chocolates
« Reply #69 on: May 08, 2018, 05:20:27 AM »
Sorry that this is still going on, Savvy. I received an email from my solicitor today too..the saga continues!

Chin up, we're here for you. 😊
BD 29 Nov '13
Left home 8 June '14
Does not live with OW


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