Author Topic: MLC Monster Lies and More Lies - Why?  (Read 2432 times)

Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

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MLC Monster Lies and More Lies - Why?
« on: April 12, 2018, 12:36:50 PM »
Since before BD my H has been lying to me.  He has left and is still lying even though there really is no need any more.
His lies are transparent, easily disproved and just so obvious.

Does anyone have an explanation as to why and is this normal behavior in a MLC spouse? 
I'd love any thoughts and examples of bizarre lies you have been told.
 
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline Unraveled

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2018, 12:43:15 PM »
Mine lies all the time about everything.  I don't call him on it anymore.

Talked to him for the first time recently in six months.  I arranged the call in advance and asked that it be a time he wasn't working.  Committed him at the beginning of the call that he was not working.  Then when it started getting to the difficult topic (trying to get him to file for his divorce), he said I have to go and get back to work.

Tells the kids he can't see them because he is working all the time.  Got his W2 and saw that he made 75% of last year's salary.

If it gets them out of a jam, they'll do like it is nothing.  It's an entitlement thing.  They don't feel you have the right to know anything so they see it as no big deal.

Offline same33

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2018, 12:43:55 PM »
I don't have an explanation, but from everything I've seen it is absolutely normal MLC behavior. The complete transparency and lack of secrets we were once given was fully replaced by lies, deception and betrayal.

Most bizarre lie? "You know I would never do that to you, the boys or my mom." Those that would be most hurt by what she actually was already doing...and the resulting shame that I see on her face so many days...
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018
D filed 6/25/2018

Offline Mrs.Smiling

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2018, 01:03:22 PM »
This is one of my favorites....
Lying...It absolutely amazes me that they can get away with it! I mean, they have to continue lying to cover up the old lie, eventually that lie needs to be covered. It is a never ending cycle there. I just laugh now..You have to laugh!

For all the MLC'ers :
I found this awhile ago...Time to share!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Velika

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2018, 06:35:49 PM »
I feel this is one reason that it is important to keep everything in writing. Once everything is in text or email form, you as the LBS at least have a record should you need it.

My ex, too, has lied constantly. The problem is also that I didn’t know what to look for and wasn’t trusting some intuition and warning signs before and even after bomb drop. I was projecting my own honesty onto him.

In retrospect, he was good at lying even before bomb drop. Unless I have some type of medical confirmation that this was a drug reaction or mental illness, I can no longer give him the benefit of the doubt.

Offline bvFTD

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2018, 07:58:41 PM »
Confabulations.

They seem like lies, but they are excuses and stories thought up by a broken brain. It's so firetruck!ng sad.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2018, 05:46:30 AM »
Christ mine has lied about buying a coffee when he clearly threw the cup in my trash bin!

Most of the lies mine tells you just think ''who even cares!''  ::)

Honestly it is like a kid. ''Who did that?''..''Wasn't me!''  ???
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Online Whyus

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2018, 06:00:54 AM »
so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online mitten

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2018, 06:32:11 AM »
I cant remember there’s been so many lies.  I actually wondered if he was knowingly lying or would just forget what he had said before.  I think the very fact that he lied about ow when I read out the most intimate messages between them.

I think he’s lied to his family the most as they communicate with him more than I do. 

Its strange because I never had issues with him lying before MLC but now I wonder if hes always been a liar?  Or is it part of MLC- opposite to what they were?
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline Mrs.Smiling

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2018, 06:42:28 AM »
That is my question too Mitten...I've always wondered that. But it seems according to MIL he has been lying to her since he was 16. So pathological liar he is. Anything that will benefit him in the end right.

WhyUs...

Quote
W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like :o

Your W and my H.... I heard this as well. I also stood there and couldn't say a word. unbelievable.
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Online mitten

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2018, 07:05:23 AM »
That is my question too Mitten...I've always wondered that. But it seems according to MIL he has been lying to her since he was 16. So pathological liar he is. Anything that will benefit him in the end right.

WhyUs...

Quote

I guess I never had any reason to think he was lying about anything until now. I have found out things since BD of his life before we met that he never told me. Such as his ex girlfriend visiting him when he was abroad- he started taking to me then and said they had broken up then.
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline Treasur

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2018, 08:40:33 AM »
Simple really
- shame like a small child
- power like a teenager enjoying the feeling 'getting one over' on you
- control to remove your choices or feed theirs
- avoiding conflict or emotions (yours or theirs) or decisions

Usually, lies are some mix of the four. My H wasn't a big liar but was an avoider with half-truths in his FOO. Didn't think he lied to me about anything significant but now who knows? In MLC, I think it's more about shame and control for him. Mostly shame if I had to guess from limited info e.g. watchgate
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline Thunder

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2018, 08:49:08 AM »
I think we have winner in Whyus's W.

If you don't want me to lie, then stop ask question.  Perfect advice. ;D

You know their going to lie so why bother?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Treasur

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2018, 08:53:07 AM »
There is a strange practical logic in that with an MLCer isn't there?  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2018, 09:04:13 AM »
I think it was stayed that used to answer newbies by saying

 " If their mouth is moving they are lying"!   
Believe none of what they tell you!

Unfortunately true!
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Mrs.Smiling

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2018, 09:17:26 AM »
I have to remind myself this every day....Every. Single. Day.

I know as a child I did some hefty lying..you know the typical - no I didn't ditch school, no that wasn't me.
But it's just amazing that he has gotten this far in life...
What a slow process to learning...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

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Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2018, 12:17:08 PM »
Quote
think it was stayed that used to answer newbies by saying

 " If their mouth is moving they are lying"!   
Believe none of what they tell you!

I think this can be my mantra from now on.
There is some wise advise on here and thank-you Treasur for suggestions as to "why lie" - I wish somebody would do a study on it. 

I think I have posted before but before H left my D and I were watching Nigella Lawson on TV and he came in yelling "Get that lying b off my television".   :)
Guilty conscience right there I think.

My favorite from my own H (and there are many to select from) was his saying he was not in a sexual relationship with OW.  This is after he spent several weeks in a hotel room with her at the same hotel as two of his adult children.    Maybe they were playing scrabble.
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

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H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline Mrs.Smiling

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2018, 12:21:33 PM »
Quote
My favorite from my own H (and there are many to select from) was his saying he was not in a sexual relationship with OW.  This is after he spent several weeks in a hotel room with her at the same hotel as two of his adult children.    Maybe they were playing scrabble

OMG...lol I laughed when I read this...
Yes H said the SAME exact thing...and he was living with her in her rental...You know the famous "you are only assuming", "we are just friends"....mmhmm...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2018, 01:03:08 PM »
I have said it in other threads and will say it again: I think they lie so much so they can live with themselves.  I have some alcohol and substance abuse counseling experience and have dealt with people who would go to great lengths with their lies to cover up their addiction.  It is almost the same thing. 

One of my favorite lies was "You aren't the nice person everyone thinks you are". 
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom

Offline intown28

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2018, 01:18:05 PM »
I would love to hook these idiots up to a lie detector lol...........They all lie it sometimes makes me feel good cause I know that i'm not he one with the issues.. Mine lies over things that aren't even important go figure

Offline intown28

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #21 on: April 13, 2018, 01:24:49 PM »
mine has lied about stopping at a crutty place and having a salad and he said he would never go back to that place again the same night we had went out with friends and one of the girls we had gone out with looked at my husband and said wow 2 times in one day that salad i saw you having today looked great and it was a fancy italien restaurant go figure................

Offline intown28

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2018, 01:27:33 PM »

so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o
[/quote]


Mine said that today lol

Online mitten

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2018, 01:44:55 PM »
so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o

Whyus I love this response.  At least there is some acknowledgement on some level that she is lying.

My H just point black refuses to take any responsibility for lying even when its obvious hes lying & has been caught out! And on top of that I get projection rant back saying im lying and playing games  :o.  I just got a message from him today saying that so its a little raw lol
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline intown28

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2018, 02:45:44 PM »


Its strange because I never had issues with him lying before MLC but now I wonder if hes always been a liar?  Or is it part of MLC- opposite to what they were?
[/quote]


Im sure he was always a liar but you just caught on to him

Offline intown28

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #25 on: April 13, 2018, 02:53:08 PM »
I wish there was a like button here lol

Offline Nevertoomuch85

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #26 on: April 27, 2018, 03:07:21 PM »
The answer is simple. People lie out of fear.

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #27 on: June 04, 2018, 12:13:42 AM »
My H gradually lied more and more. Now it has reached a point where he lies just to disagree with me.

Case in point, when we were first married he opened up to me about his father's physical abuse of him and told me he was "never happy" during his childhood because of it.

Yesterday, during the course of one of his rants, I asked him, "Were you happy when your father beat you?"

His answer: "Yes."

They do it to be contrary to whatever we say or what they think we believe. Even if it means saying night is day and day is night when the real answer is obvious. I think if makes them feel in control.

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2018, 11:05:57 PM »
Well, since I made that last post a while ago, I have discovered MORE lies from my H.

First off, I discovered he lied to both OW AND ME in the beginning about something. It was two separate lies but on the same topic. That's not so surprising. It's to be expected.

However, last night I was really dumbfounded. As we are both US citizens, we need to file taxes. We only pay social security abroad, but we still need to file like everyone else. He opened his clinic over 2 years ago. Last year he came to me with a summary of how much he had earned each month on a scrap of paper. I used that to do the taxes. But I told him really he needed to be doing proper accounting in case we are ever audited (and indeed we were audited for 2016 over non-payment, because the IRS didn't match our payment with our return, but they did not question anything else). He was refusing to do this, saying if they ever audited us, we could just make anything up. I told him it would take more time to make up fake documents to match what we filed than to actually just make real ones from the outset. Also, the local tax authorities will come around sooner or later looking to collect his income tax here and if he doesn't have documentation, they will decide how much he has to pay and it could be more.

I need to file tomorrow and again I have been reminding him of this for two months. He was telling me to just "put anything down." "Make it like last year" etc. etc. I told him how hard is it for your nurse to just put down a total of what you collected for each day? This will take no extra time for him? A while back he said, what if I just get a notebook and make a page for each day. I told him better make a page with the total for each day. The IRS will not be able to read it in another language and if it is many pages then we will have to send them all those pages if we get audited.

He fought with me about it this afternoon and again was refusing to do the accounting and I told him just get me a total, that's all I need for now to file.

Well two hours later right before he goes to his clinic, he tells me he has notebooks. He will bring the ones for 2016 and 2017 home to me and keep the 2018 there.

So he sneaks in and out last night and leaves the notebooks on his desk. You know what? His nurse has been keeping track of patients, whether they are first time or return, WITH names, EVERY SINGLE day since he opened his clinic! A page for each day. So why on earth was he pretending not to be doing this? Why on earth was he painting himself as some irresponsible schmuck who didn't give a damn when he knew he was doing the right thing all along? Why was he fighting me about doing something he was already doing and could have told me so? And why did he suddenly come clean by bringing the notebooks home?

But more importantly, how, in the middle of replay, do I address this blatant lying? It is so tempting to say gotcha, you've been caught out, because here you have presented me with the evidence. Even the lies he told OW and I, I am so tempted to challenge him on them, as he couldn't get away with denying any of it. But then will he just try to twist his brain into more of a pretzel and come up with even more excuses to explain his lies?

I did get angry at him the other night when he was trying to be controlling about something. I pointed out to him that a month before BD, he had made a statement, "I just want you to be happy" but his controlling was totally contradictory to that. I asked him when he had started lying to me and then went NC with him for 1.5 days.

I need strategies to deal with these lies. Look the other way and pretend I don't see them for now, challenge him about them, calmly ask him why? What do I do?


Offline Anjae

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #29 on: June 14, 2018, 12:35:43 AM »
I need strategies to deal with these lies. Look the other way and pretend I don't see them for now, challenge him about them, calmly ask him why? What do I do?

Tell him nothing, I think.

You need to sort out the taxes, you now can do it. That is what matters.

What good will it bring to tell him something? He is a mess, there is no way of knowing why he acted the way he did, but you have what you need.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2018, 09:38:25 AM »
My h always been an avoider but is now a qualified liar. Even lied to the kids. He stood in front of them when he last left and said “ there is no ow, all that is over” he then walked out of the door and went to ow house! Xx
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #31 on: June 16, 2018, 10:09:02 AM »
For me, when he lied to my face I just said, "you keep telling yourself that." I sometimes had to add "At least eventually YOU might believe it. No one else will. " And I would address it if it came up in conversation "On this day, you told me x, but on that day you proved y. Why would you lie?"  Whatever the new lie was got "You keep telling yourself that."

I don't tolerate blatant lies. It's a pet peeve. Mine didn't lie much in my presence, but about me to others.....fortunatey, I lived my life so that no one who knew me would believe it. Nothing more I could do.

I believe they lie for control.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Velika

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #32 on: June 16, 2018, 10:33:18 AM »
I watched a video about the brain recently that changed my perspective on what might be going on.

It said that research into lobotomized patients has shown that we all have two hemispheres of the brain that communicate, but only one can speak. What researchers discovered is that the verbal side of the brain will explain away the actions of the side without words, even when the connections have been severed.

So one explanation — on a more neurological level — is that the lies (or confabulations as bv wrote) are actually explanations of one hemisphere. They may not understand what they are articulating.

Offline nah

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #33 on: June 16, 2018, 10:33:44 AM »

I believe they lie for control.

Yes, and because they lost that control, mostly of themselves.

Very early on (the day after BD) mine said, "you know, I'm not THAT guy."

Even though I was still in shock I responded with, "well, apparently you are, you are THAT guy."

He became the very guy he spent his entire adult life looking down on.  So he tried to lie, he wanted to do things that were against his morals but seem to everyone else, and especially himself that he was still a "good guy".

I think thats the real reason he "vanished".  He knew I would call him on his sh!t, and I did.  IDK, maybe if we took a poll, maybe the LBSers of clingers turn the other cheek and LBSers of vanishers are more apt to get in their face.  I know I did.  So mine "vanished" and try to feed our friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, that "Nah and I are on a different page".  Nope that didn't work either b/c I was walking around like I was hit by a truck and had no problem saying, "He left and has a girlfriend."  Why should I lie?  Because he wanted me to?  Nope, I felt better when I let the truth out, so I did.

He was so angry.  He sent me a message, enraged that I let everyone know and now everyone "hates him".

Not my problem.

His lies continued.  I mentioned how lucky he was that I didn't bring up the fact that he bought a house while we were still married.  I could have dragged out the divorce with that information.  He angrily shook his head, "Now your making things up, still trying to make me out as the bad guy"

Ummm... ok let's google it right now.  It's public information.  I started to take my phone out of my purse.

"Oh whatever, you always have to be right"

 :o

Facts are facts. 

I could be wrong but I honestly don't think he was a liar our whole marriage.  He's not very good at it.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline in it

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #34 on: June 16, 2018, 11:18:35 AM »
I'm pretty sure the ex was a liar the whole marriage. Sometimes I'd overhear conversations he'd have with people on the phone and I'd be like..huh ???
That's total bull$h!te..

The only time I really think he told me the truth was when he said all I ever meant to him was sex..
No Nah they do not like being called on their sh!t at all.

Yeah he told a sort of friend of his that I moved out..that's a lie .

I set that friend straight..he pretty much intimidated and forced me to go to my mothers house.

When when I returned to get my things two weeks later and leave him he assaults me as I'm trying to leave?

So I guess to him that's "I moved out".. ::)

I have told anybody who will listen in RL what he did. I'm not protecting him anymore. And it helped me heal.

If he doesn't like it or didn't want the truth to come out then he should have behaved better.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Online mitten

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #35 on: June 16, 2018, 12:01:52 PM »
Well I found a letter in H’s uni bag today.  It was from 2014 (when we were both studying).  It says that he had plagiarised one of his essays.  Basically said he had copied a whole essay from the internet and failed.  Was pretty serious as they nearly kicked hum out!  He NEVER told me about this.  I didnt have a clue.  In fact he told me he passed everything with good grades....i never even thought to question him as there was literally no sign that he was lying.  Their investigation went on for some time (6 months) and must have been stressful for him not knowing what the outcome would be....just goes to show how good he was at lying and hiding stuff especially his emotions and stress.

I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think that he didn’t tell me because I was studying at the time and he didnt want to add to my stress.  But its more likely that he felt ashamed especially as I was doing very well with my uni stuff at the time.  I think his crisis/depression started around this time...maybe even before like 2012 time, when he started uni.  I found it so strange that he decided to go to uni at the same time as me when we had small children and there was no need for him to do this course.  He only told me after he had enrolled.  I think he felt like a failure and not good enough (FOO issues) and this core belief was reinforced by other things happening in his life at the time.  In comes OW (I think around 2014 time) and bam...MLC!  It makes so much more sense to me now, especially how he could have even fallen for her.  Combo of her being a complete affair down, her having a personality disorder and knowing exactly how to be a predator and hone in on his feelings of inadequacy by comepletly stroking his ego.  Of course he felt special being her knight in shining armour because with me I think he thought he failed me and would never be good enough. 

 Its crazy how all these things become the perfect storm.  I just get scared about what else he has been lying about and for how long.  Now I wonder if he faked his MBA....although I saw him graduate.      ???
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline semperfidelis

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #36 on: July 12, 2018, 12:39:30 PM »
What i would like to know...do they only lie to us ?.

My wife was basicly unable to say any truthful words at all...i almost wanna test her by asking what color my eyes are just to check.

But do they lie to others...i know one family member said she dont seem different to her

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #37 on: July 12, 2018, 12:43:11 PM »
Yah my h lied to all, even his parents and our children, lied to ow but she believes the bs that’s comes out of his mouth.

Sometimes I think they actually start to believe their lies x
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Offline The Moon’s a balloon

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #38 on: July 12, 2018, 01:41:22 PM »
No, they lie to others.  W’s mother asked her straight, was there someone else, when W first said she wanted a trial separation.  W said no.  She went to her brothers after that and cried about how could her Mum even ask that question.  Of course, there was an OM.  I’ve also learnt recently she’s been telling a load of BS to her dad about my behaviour since she said she wanted us to separate. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #39 on: July 12, 2018, 01:44:38 PM »
They lie to everyone it seems - you, family, lawyers, IC, MC, themselves, even ow.
Why? Mixture of control and fear usually.
Crazy-making to deal with because you simply can't believe anything they say about anything at all.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #40 on: July 12, 2018, 01:57:55 PM »
I think it was RCR that said believe nothing they say and 50% of what you see. I see zero but hey ho. X
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Offline strawberry

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #41 on: July 12, 2018, 03:02:42 PM »
Mine lies to me and everyone else and I think even himself.  He lied continuously to our MC and any IC he saw at the time.  He’s been seeing a new IC the last few months and I get the impression he’s being honest with her....at least as honest as he’s capable of being.  He’s been owning up to some of what he did (but still has a long way to go), so I have to assume he’s taking therapy seriously this time.  Who knows though.  I don’t ask cause I don’t like being lied to and I assume everything he says now is a lie.

For those that have reconciled or are working on reconciliation, is there a reckoning wrt the lies?  I really don’t feel like I can just act like these years didn’t happen.
H: 43
M: 44

M: 15 years, T: 17 years, Friends: 22 years
No kids
2 dogs, 2 cats

Offline nah

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #42 on: July 12, 2018, 03:20:27 PM »
What i would like to know...do they only lie to us ?.

My wife was basicly unable to say any truthful words at all...i almost wanna test her by asking what color my eyes are just to check.

But do they lie to others...i know one family member said she dont seem different to her

They lie to EVERYBODY...  sometimes I wonder if they just lost all sense of reality.

My ex used to be upper management at his company.  I found out recently that the people under him used to call him "(first name) Fooling". Our last name rhymes with fooling and apparently he was lying to all his coworkers.  None of it had anything to do with me or our situation, just lying for the sake of lying.  After almost 30 years in the industry he was fired and blackballed from the entire industry due to all his lying. 
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline Anjae

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #43 on: July 12, 2018, 03:24:10 PM »
They lie to others/pretty much to everyone, Semper.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline semperfidelis

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #44 on: July 12, 2018, 04:22:36 PM »
Sometimes i wish my daughter knew what really happened...i sometimes feel she is angry with me for last year as her mom only told her i misunderstood some texts....my mlc told me that she explained all to our daughter though, but one day my daughter talked to me about it, and it was clear she never did tell her.

But the truth as i know it now would hurt my daughter so much, and i will never allow that to happen...

I know my wife lied to all of her family and friends about it....i was just thinking now divorce is filed, and we no longer speak to each other, that maybe she stopped lying to other people....or maybe she is about different stuff as well

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #45 on: July 12, 2018, 05:29:53 PM »
Personally I believe even when there is no contact and a divorce is finalised that they continue to lie. They lied so much to everyone that why would the truth come out. Ow/om although part of the problem with no morals was also lied to and they will need to keep to their story as I believe ow/om will that insecure that it will never get easier for them. Their whole relationships is based on lies and deceit. X
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Offline Anjae

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #46 on: July 12, 2018, 05:34:25 PM »
Personally I believe even when there is no contact and a divorce is finalised that they continue to lie. They lied so much to everyone that why would the truth come out. Ow/om although part of the problem with no morals was also lied to and they will need to keep to their story as I believe ow/om will that insecure that it will never get easier for them. Their whole relationships is based on lies and deceit. X

This. Divorce/being separated/having no contact doesn't change their lying. They need to keep up the front.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #47 on: July 13, 2018, 04:54:17 AM »

their entire life is a lie during a crisis!

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Treasur

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #48 on: July 13, 2018, 05:31:16 AM »
I think they do continue to lie, maybe they have to or the whole thing falls apart?

But for us as LBS, I think it's important where we can to remove lies from our own lives and to try to be first honest with ourselves. And then to choose how to not feed the lies around us. We have the right to our own truth and our own reality no matter what others think or how they see it. But that means choosing wisely who we tell our truth to and why...waste of time with an MLC spouse or ex who doesn't care and will see it as an attack on theirs probably. But lies are corrosive for our own spirit, I believe, and we have the right to push them out as we heal.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline Thunder

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #49 on: July 13, 2018, 06:27:13 AM »
Yes and I also think you need to be honest with your kids.  Not white wash it.

Not that they need to know ugly details or horror stories, but I think it's important they know you had nothing to do with what happened and it was not your choice.  You can say this in an age appropriate way.

Let the MLCer own it.  They can come up with any lies they want.
Kids aren't stupid.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #50 on: July 13, 2018, 07:47:26 AM »
Mine lied about everything for the longest time.  I asked no questions and when I thought he was lying I would just say, I want to trust you again one day so NO MORE LIES>

He got to the point of being very open with me about where he was going and with you, who he was talking and texting with the exception that he still lied when it come to anything with the OW.

Lied when he went to visit her, lied when he had to hang up the phone to take her call, lied when he had to run out of the house to go take a call from her.

I believe he was also doing this to her when he was living with her.  H was never a mid day coffee drinker....do you know how many times he called me telling me he ran to the store for a cup of coffee in the middle of the day.

His life his lies to sort out.

I think they lie because:

1.  They are embarrassed and ashamed of the life they are choosing right now.
2.  They don't want to hurt us by telling us the truth
3.  They are immature right now and can't deal with the truth or its consequences
4.  They can't admit they are doing the wrong things right now.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.  Do it all without expectations!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

Sam I am has lost her man and doesn't know where to find him.
Leave him alone and he'll come home, draggin his problems behind him.


When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State

Married 33 years
Together 35.5 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children
S -  1991  Still in School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline The Moon’s a balloon

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #51 on: July 13, 2018, 07:51:18 AM »
Another example of a deception to add to this list.  W leaves home for work this morning, and turns left, suggesting she is driving to one site of her work.  However, she phones me later (to argue about the separation) but from someone else’s car (she says it’s one work colleagues car but I suspect it will be OMs).  Sure enough ‘her’ (actually our, but she treats it like hers) car is in her work’s car park in this town - which she would only need to turn right for out the drive.  And sure enough, OMs car ain’t in the car park here, so I think we can guess who she got a lift with. 
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline semperfidelis

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #52 on: July 13, 2018, 10:44:48 AM »
Another example of a deception to add to this list.  W leaves home for work this morning, and turns left, suggesting she is driving to one site of her work.  However, she phones me later (to argue about the separation) but from someone else’s car (she says it’s one work colleagues car but I suspect it will be OMs).  Sure enough ‘her’ (actually our, but she treats it like hers) car is in her work’s car park in this town - which she would only need to turn right for out the drive.  And sure enough, OMs car ain’t in the car park here, so I think we can guess who she got a lift with.

Stories like that was almost everyday stuff for me all last year....aaaand everybody thought i saw ghosts.

Thats one thing i dont miss though

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #53 on: July 13, 2018, 06:52:37 PM »
Question.  Do the lies stop as they emerge and heal?
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.  Do it all without expectations!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

Sam I am has lost her man and doesn't know where to find him.
Leave him alone and he'll come home, draggin his problems behind him.


When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State

Married 33 years
Together 35.5 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children
S -  1991  Still in School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #54 on: July 15, 2018, 06:51:54 AM »
Yes Sam I am they stop. Not all at once it takes time for true transparency

MLC takes a very long time!
(Hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #55 on: July 16, 2018, 09:46:42 PM »
I read something somewhere in one of HB's writings that the lying continues through the depression and withdrawal stages and doesn't stop until the acceptance phase. This was the first time I had read this, but it makes sense because they are still battling their demons and I felt it was a good thing to know because it helps to temper expectations.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #56 on: August 08, 2018, 06:11:14 AM »
bumping this up
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #57 on: August 08, 2018, 07:31:48 AM »
My h lied throughout and continues to lie. Well not to me as no contact but in May when he had a small amount of contact with kids he lied to son and said he bought a new motor bike as his old one was not working. 2 wks ago we saw him on guess what his old bike. Son immediately said dad lied about old bike.

Ow created a 4 page document of what she considered were MY unreasonable behaviours were including packing h belongings, running up debts in his name, forcing his children to write abuse to him, emotional blackmailing him to wear his wedding ring, I can go on. Yes I did pack his belongings! I did not take our debts in his name and I certainly did not make his children write him abuse! He said why are you angry at me and I replied because it’s the lies you have told her! Xx
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Offline Confused dad

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #58 on: August 08, 2018, 08:43:04 AM »
Mine wife told so many I did a thread titled Liar Liar Liar

Most lies I know of were covering up her affair.  She lied to me, both our children, her sister, maybe more. I’m not sure. 

She said she knew what she was doing was wrong but she did it anyway. 

Wife moved upstairs summer of 2015
BD #1 July 2016 Said she was done( right after I told her I was 100% committed to doing the work on my end to fix our marriage)  she did not leave, things actually improved some  over the winter then she pulls away again

BD # 2 July 2017 says she wants to sell house and go our seperate ways. Wants her freedom. She is unhappy and thinks it is because of me.
EA or FA discovered July 2017. She searches her astrology sign and his almost daily. 
PA confirmed 10-8-17. Had been going on sporadically since summer of 2016
She is very active with kids but has blowups quite often.  She's acting like a teenager so maybe she relates well to them.
D-14
D-12
Married 17 years together for 20
I'm standing but am about to explode.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #59 on: August 08, 2018, 10:08:06 AM »
My xh has lied so much about so many things, even stupid things that were obviously going to be exposed, that it just became impossible to believe anything he said about anything. Which is a weird feeling and makes it pretty impossible to communicate at all.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Shining Star

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #60 on: August 08, 2018, 11:06:51 AM »
My "rockstar" lied, if he was talking.  For me, it is the worst part of all of this.  I could have come to terms with an affair.  I don't know that I will ever be able to deal with the lies.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #61 on: August 08, 2018, 11:43:53 AM »
My H was always so pleased that colleagues considered him authentic and honest.

He lies all the time to me.  In vulnerable moments he says I am the only person he lies to. Of course that isn’t true because lies in one area of life always spill over and when does privacy become secrecy or lies of omission?  There’s a fine line.

However he’s broadly right about lying to me only.  It’s crazy because I have a memory like an elephant and catch him out yet he doesn’t learn his lesson.  Also, people who lie have tonremeber their lies and he doesn’t always.  Or he says one thing to me and another to someone else and it gets back.

It’s depressing.

I think it has to do with the parent/child dynamic, which is what many of have ended up with in our relationships.  It is also about saving their butts, and sometimes, more touching but more unhealthy, it’s about not wanting us to be disappointed in them.

I truly believe that for some of us, our spouses have somehow idealised aspects of us and are fed up of trying to live up to their projections of our expectations.  I don’t get it really.  He has fibbed about such silly things that he clearly thinks I would disapprove of.  Yet he keeps doing awful stuff.

By nature I have a deep need to know but I’ve reached a stage where I know I can’t trust the answer because he probably doesn’t know it himself or would fib if he didn’t want me to know.

Yet in tandem with this he genuinely works hard at spiritual growth.  I know change is tough but these  two parts simply don’t go together.  My therapist has talked a little about splitting.  I suppose if they split parts of themselves off fully enough, they are,  to an extent, not admitting to themselves,  that they lie.




Offline same33

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #62 on: August 08, 2018, 02:25:26 PM »
It's funny that this post has been revived. We should have a "Lie ticker" somewhere on this forum. I think the number would be pretty high with all that have visited here and the lies we have faced.
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018
D filed 6/25/2018

Offline in it

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #63 on: August 08, 2018, 02:53:00 PM »
Something I have figured out about people and if they are lying.

If they tell the same story and it changes one iota. I'll be pretty sure they are lying. Stories that change are usually lies.

The saying goes:

When you tell the truth, you don't have so much to remember.

Liars tend to tell different things to different people. Then have a hard time keeping it all straight. Who they told what to etc.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Offline in it

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #64 on: August 08, 2018, 05:21:35 PM »
Found Online..#1 and #3 is IMHO the reason why these Mlcers lie:

Why Do People Lie in Relationships? 10 Reasons Why We Fib


 Why do people lie in relationships? Here are 10 of the most common reasons.

If everybody lies and nobody likes being lied to, then why do people lie in relationships? Whether it’s a little white lie or an earth-shattering secret, lies will happen between you and your romantic partner—and it sucks.

Is lying so deeply ingrained in people that they don’t know they do it? One study shows that 60% of adults can’t go 10 minutes without telling a lie. Granted, the lies were trivial in nature, but then why tell them at all? Researchers reveal even the participants were shocked at how many fibs they told when they watched a video playback of their conversation.

Why do people lie in relationships? Is there ever a good reason to? We’re looking at the truth behind deception in relationships.

Common relationship lies

White lies are not even close to the same thing as lies of betrayal. In fact, some couples prefer to have little white lies in their relationships because it makes life easier. Why? When it comes to small, common lies, people would rather not know what others really think about them.

Even the most honest person probably agrees that while you shouldn’t lie, you shouldn’t always speak the truth, either. Sometimes it’s just nice to sit in a quiet middle ground and enjoy your happy relationship.

Lies like “I don’t watch porn” or “I’ve never been bored in our relationship” aren’t nice to hear, but they aren’t exactly earth-shattering.

Relationships are like roller coasters. They have their ups and downs and these twists and turns last the entire relationship. At one point or another, everyone is going to be bored of their partner. It’s what you do when you’re bored that makes the difference.

So, if you’re bored in your relationship and let it pass, do you have to purposely hurt your partner’s feelings by telling them you were tired of their company for a time? How about nah.

Why do people lie?

People lie all the time from things big to small. Now that we know the difference between a harmless fib and a soul-crushing confession, it’s time to learn why people lie in the first place. Here are the most common reasons.

#1 Because they’re cheating. Academic survey researcher Tom Smith reports 15%-18% of married couples have affairs during their marriage.

With the digital footprints we all leave behind us in the digital snow it’s pretty hard to get away with cheating these days. Even if your partner finds out months after you start, they’re going to find out eventually. Still, cheating is one of the biggest and most devastating secrets in a relationship.

Being betrayed by someone you love is one of the biggest hurdles anyone ever faces in life. Lies lead to broken families, loss of income, and loss of trust. And the thing about trust is that it’s easy to give to someone you love, but as soon as you lose it it’s nearly impossible to repair. Even if you really want to.

#2 Insecurities. One study done by Scientific American shows that 90% of people lie on their online dating profile. Shocker! People often lie to cover up insecurities they have.

For example, most women lie about their weight on dating profiles. The men lie about their height and how much money they make. You may lie about your job, your education, or your relationship with your family members, all because of some insecurity you hold. [Read: How to spot the liars in an opine dating site]

#3 Avoiding accountability. Remember when you were eight years old, and your mom asked you if you were the one who tracked mud through the house? You say no, but you’re a liar. And apparently, you haven’t learned a thing because one of the top reasons people lie is to avoid accountability.

According to retired psychologist turned TV show host, Dr. Phil, this is usually a train of males. Men lie to escape accountability whereas women often lie to make someone feel better.

So things like “I never said that about you” or “I never spent that money” are little lies to avoid getting into trouble from your little misses.

#4 Money matters. Money is lied about, and most people probably understand why. It isn’t easy to talk about money, especially when you have separate bank accounts. Any woman who’s ever made a trip to Sephora can probably admit she’d rather her mate not see the receipt.

A credit card survey revealed that 6% of participants hide their bank account or credit card statements from their spouse. The survey also showed that one in five thought it was okay to keep a $500 shopping spree from their partners—even going as far as keeping multiple hidden bank accounts from their mates.

#5 To create a more exciting life. Some people thrive on drama, making an exaggerated lie seem more than just a little alluring. People lie about where they’ve traveled, who they’ve slept with, and what celebrity sightings they’ve had all to make themselves seem more interesting.

#6 Lying about family. Why do people lie? Obviously, you haven’t met their families yet! Many people lie about family members to avoid embarrassment or out of protection. Often people lie about parents who have abandoned them, addicts in the family, or they lie about sickness or mental challenges a family member might have. They even lie about the reason why they don’t communicate with family.

#7 To hurt their mate. Spite can be an excellent motivator, especially when it comes to creating hurtful lies. If your mate reveals they share dirty texts with someone else you might be tempted to lie and tell them you’ve been with someone also. Lies about cheating or expressed interest from the opposite sex are common fibs told to purposely hurt your partner.

#8 To avoid hurting their mate. Opposite of the above, many lie to spare their mates feelings, even on trivial matters. “You’re the best I’ve ever had,” “You never annoy me,” and “I don’t fantasize about other people in the sack” are just some of the truths people avoid telling their mates.

For example, if your man’s Pen!$ is the smallest you’ve ever been with there’s no reason to reveal this information—unless you’re seeking to crush his ego forever. So when he asks how his measures up, just grin and tell him “You’re the best.”

#9 To protect others. Many people lie to protect both the innocent and the guilty. People may vouch for a friend saying they were with them all night when really their friend was off pursuing some side action.

People lie for friends on job applications, court appearances, passport references, they lie to protect family from scrutiny, or to protect someone’s privacy. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and your partner]

#10 To manipulate. If your partner doesn’t like a buddy of yours, they may say they came onto them just to cause a rift. This is a form of manipulation that is downright awful. Not only are they disrespecting your friendship, but they are shaming people who really do deal with these problems by crying wolf about them.

People also lie to gain an advantage over someone, such as pretending not to hear about a certain situation just to get one of the involved parties to spill their side to you.



So why do people lie? Bottom line, people lie because they can. The good news is that for the most part, you can work through the issues that cause your mate to be dishonest with you. For the rest who refuse to be honest, we say kick ‘em to the curb!( I couldn't agree more  :))
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Offline The Moon’s a balloon

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #65 on: August 09, 2018, 07:08:47 AM »
Yes, 1 and 3 definitely.  Outside of the usual EA/PA reasons to lie, I thought MLC lying was essentially part of the MLC regressing to be a teenager again and rebelling against authority.  They lie because, like a stroppy teenager, they believe their business is no ones business but their own (certainly not the business of Mum or dad / LBS).
“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul”.

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #66 on: August 13, 2018, 08:47:23 AM »
With my H, it was 1, 2,3,8 and 10.

His lying was mostly to hide her.  Told me he didn't want to hurt me.  Does't want to talk about her.   Duh...neither do I.

Most of his lies dealt with hiding that part of his life.

Insecurities.....yep...he has them big time now.  Never would have guessed it.  He was the most confident, outgoing person I ever met.  Now....NOPE.  Not even close!  He struggled to talk to a waitress when we went out last month!
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.  Do it all without expectations!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

Sam I am has lost her man and doesn't know where to find him.
Leave him alone and he'll come home, draggin his problems behind him.


When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State

Married 33 years
Together 35.5 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children
S -  1991  Still in School
3 Dogs - 1 was his 
Standing

Offline Rising Phoenix

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  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #67 on: August 13, 2018, 09:35:48 AM »
My h, can have 1,3,4,5,6,7,9 and 10!! About sums it up xx
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

 

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