Author Topic: MLC Monster Lies and More Lies - Why?  (Read 834 times)

Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 148
  • Gender: Female
MLC Monster Lies and More Lies - Why?
« on: April 12, 2018, 12:36:50 PM »
Since before BD my H has been lying to me.  He has left and is still lying even though there really is no need any more.
His lies are transparent, easily disproved and just so obvious.

Does anyone have an explanation as to why and is this normal behavior in a MLC spouse? 
I'd love any thoughts and examples of bizarre lies you have been told.
 
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline Unraveled

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 84
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2018, 12:43:15 PM »
Mine lies all the time about everything.  I don't call him on it anymore.

Talked to him for the first time recently in six months.  I arranged the call in advance and asked that it be a time he wasn't working.  Committed him at the beginning of the call that he was not working.  Then when it started getting to the difficult topic (trying to get him to file for his divorce), he said I have to go and get back to work.

Tells the kids he can't see them because he is working all the time.  Got his W2 and saw that he made 75% of last year's salary.

If it gets them out of a jam, they'll do like it is nothing.  It's an entitlement thing.  They don't feel you have the right to know anything so they see it as no big deal.

Offline same33

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 334
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2018, 12:43:55 PM »
I don't have an explanation, but from everything I've seen it is absolutely normal MLC behavior. The complete transparency and lack of secrets we were once given was fully replaced by lies, deception and betrayal.

Most bizarre lie? "You know I would never do that to you, the boys or my mom." Those that would be most hurt by what she actually was already doing...and the resulting shame that I see on her face so many days...
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018

Offline Mrs.Smiling

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 475
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2018, 01:03:22 PM »
This is one of my favorites....
Lying...It absolutely amazes me that they can get away with it! I mean, they have to continue lying to cover up the old lie, eventually that lie needs to be covered. It is a never ending cycle there. I just laugh now..You have to laugh!

For all the MLC'ers :
I found this awhile ago...Time to share!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

Offline Velika

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2679
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2018, 06:35:49 PM »
I feel this is one reason that it is important to keep everything in writing. Once everything is in text or email form, you as the LBS at least have a record should you need it.

My ex, too, has lied constantly. The problem is also that I didn’t know what to look for and wasn’t trusting some intuition and warning signs before and even after bomb drop. I was projecting my own honesty onto him.

In retrospect, he was good at lying even before bomb drop. Unless I have some type of medical confirmation that this was a drug reaction or mental illness, I can no longer give him the benefit of the doubt.

Offline bvFTD

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 432
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2018, 07:58:41 PM »
Confabulations.

They seem like lies, but they are excuses and stories thought up by a broken brain. It's so firetruck!ng sad.

Offline Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1389
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2018, 05:46:30 AM »
Christ mine has lied about buying a coffee when he clearly threw the cup in my trash bin!

Most of the lies mine tells you just think ''who even cares!''  ::)

Honestly it is like a kid. ''Who did that?''..''Wasn't me!''  ???

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2055
  • Gender: Male
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2018, 06:00:54 AM »
so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline mitten

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 161
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2018, 06:32:11 AM »
I cant remember there’s been so many lies.  I actually wondered if he was knowingly lying or would just forget what he had said before.  I think the very fact that he lied about ow when I read out the most intimate messages between them.

I think he’s lied to his family the most as they communicate with him more than I do. 

Its strange because I never had issues with him lying before MLC but now I wonder if hes always been a liar?  Or is it part of MLC- opposite to what they were?
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline Mrs.Smiling

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 475
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2018, 06:42:28 AM »
That is my question too Mitten...I've always wondered that. But it seems according to MIL he has been lying to her since he was 16. So pathological liar he is. Anything that will benefit him in the end right.

WhyUs...

Quote
W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like :o

Your W and my H.... I heard this as well. I also stood there and couldn't say a word. unbelievable.
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

Offline mitten

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 161
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2018, 07:05:23 AM »
That is my question too Mitten...I've always wondered that. But it seems according to MIL he has been lying to her since he was 16. So pathological liar he is. Anything that will benefit him in the end right.

WhyUs...

Quote

I guess I never had any reason to think he was lying about anything until now. I have found out things since BD of his life before we met that he never told me. Such as his ex girlfriend visiting him when he was abroad- he started taking to me then and said they had broken up then.
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3425
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2018, 08:40:33 AM »
Simple really
- shame like a small child
- power like a teenager enjoying the feeling 'getting one over' on you
- control to remove your choices or feed theirs
- avoiding conflict or emotions (yours or theirs) or decisions

Usually, lies are some mix of the four. My H wasn't a big liar but was an avoider with half-truths in his FOO. Didn't think he lied to me about anything significant but now who knows? In MLC, I think it's more about shame and control for him. Mostly shame if I had to guess from limited info e.g. watchgate
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 17354
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2018, 08:49:08 AM »
I think we have winner in Whyus's W.

If you don't want me to lie, then stop ask question.  Perfect advice. ;D

You know their going to lie so why bother?
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3425
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2018, 08:53:07 AM »
There is a strange practical logic in that with an MLCer isn't there?  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline 31andcounting

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5088
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2018, 09:04:13 AM »
I think it was stayed that used to answer newbies by saying

 " If their mouth is moving they are lying"!   
Believe none of what they tell you!

Unfortunately true!
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Mrs.Smiling

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 475
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2018, 09:17:26 AM »
I have to remind myself this every day....Every. Single. Day.

I know as a child I did some hefty lying..you know the typical - no I didn't ditch school, no that wasn't me.
But it's just amazing that he has gotten this far in life...
What a slow process to learning...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 148
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2018, 12:17:08 PM »
Quote
think it was stayed that used to answer newbies by saying

 " If their mouth is moving they are lying"!   
Believe none of what they tell you!

I think this can be my mantra from now on.
There is some wise advise on here and thank-you Treasur for suggestions as to "why lie" - I wish somebody would do a study on it. 

I think I have posted before but before H left my D and I were watching Nigella Lawson on TV and he came in yelling "Get that lying b off my television".   :)
Guilty conscience right there I think.

My favorite from my own H (and there are many to select from) was his saying he was not in a sexual relationship with OW.  This is after he spent several weeks in a hotel room with her at the same hotel as two of his adult children.    Maybe they were playing scrabble.
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline 20thcenturygirlTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 148
  • Gender: Female
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs, and it is really, really an affair down!
He denies she exists

Offline Mrs.Smiling

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 475
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2018, 12:21:33 PM »
Quote
My favorite from my own H (and there are many to select from) was his saying he was not in a sexual relationship with OW.  This is after he spent several weeks in a hotel room with her at the same hotel as two of his adult children.    Maybe they were playing scrabble

OMG...lol I laughed when I read this...
Yes H said the SAME exact thing...and he was living with her in her rental...You know the famous "you are only assuming", "we are just friends"....mmhmm...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

Offline Kintsugi

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 191
  • Gender: Female
  • I am healing, rediscovering myself & starting over
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2018, 01:03:08 PM »
I have said it in other threads and will say it again: I think they lie so much so they can live with themselves.  I have some alcohol and substance abuse counseling experience and have dealt with people who would go to great lengths with their lies to cover up their addiction.  It is almost the same thing. 

One of my favorite lies was "You aren't the nice person everyone thinks you are". 
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom

Offline intown28

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2018, 01:18:05 PM »
I would love to hook these idiots up to a lie detector lol...........They all lie it sometimes makes me feel good cause I know that i'm not he one with the issues.. Mine lies over things that aren't even important go figure

Offline intown28

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #21 on: April 13, 2018, 01:24:49 PM »
mine has lied about stopping at a crutty place and having a salad and he said he would never go back to that place again the same night we had went out with friends and one of the girls we had gone out with looked at my husband and said wow 2 times in one day that salad i saw you having today looked great and it was a fancy italien restaurant go figure................

Offline intown28

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2018, 01:27:33 PM »

so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o
[/quote]


Mine said that today lol

Offline mitten

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 161
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2018, 01:44:55 PM »
so many pointless lies..... 
"W once said "if you dont want me to lie then stop asking questions" i just stood there like  :o

Whyus I love this response.  At least there is some acknowledgement on some level that she is lying.

My H just point black refuses to take any responsibility for lying even when its obvious hes lying & has been caught out! And on top of that I get projection rant back saying im lying and playing games  :o.  I just got a message from him today saying that so its a little raw lol
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

Offline intown28

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2018, 02:45:44 PM »


Its strange because I never had issues with him lying before MLC but now I wonder if hes always been a liar?  Or is it part of MLC- opposite to what they were?
[/quote]


Im sure he was always a liar but you just caught on to him

Offline intown28

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #25 on: April 13, 2018, 02:53:08 PM »
I wish there was a like button here lol

Offline Nevertoomuch85

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 65
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #26 on: April 27, 2018, 03:07:21 PM »
The answer is simple. People lie out of fear.

Offline GonerinGhana

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1406
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #27 on: June 04, 2018, 12:13:42 AM »
My H gradually lied more and more. Now it has reached a point where he lies just to disagree with me.

Case in point, when we were first married he opened up to me about his father's physical abuse of him and told me he was "never happy" during his childhood because of it.

Yesterday, during the course of one of his rants, I asked him, "Were you happy when your father beat you?"

His answer: "Yes."

They do it to be contrary to whatever we say or what they think we believe. Even if it means saying night is day and day is night when the real answer is obvious. I think if makes them feel in control.

Offline GonerinGhana

  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1406
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2018, 11:05:57 PM »
Well, since I made that last post a while ago, I have discovered MORE lies from my H.

First off, I discovered he lied to both OW AND ME in the beginning about something. It was two separate lies but on the same topic. That's not so surprising. It's to be expected.

However, last night I was really dumbfounded. As we are both US citizens, we need to file taxes. We only pay social security abroad, but we still need to file like everyone else. He opened his clinic over 2 years ago. Last year he came to me with a summary of how much he had earned each month on a scrap of paper. I used that to do the taxes. But I told him really he needed to be doing proper accounting in case we are ever audited (and indeed we were audited for 2016 over non-payment, because the IRS didn't match our payment with our return, but they did not question anything else). He was refusing to do this, saying if they ever audited us, we could just make anything up. I told him it would take more time to make up fake documents to match what we filed than to actually just make real ones from the outset. Also, the local tax authorities will come around sooner or later looking to collect his income tax here and if he doesn't have documentation, they will decide how much he has to pay and it could be more.

I need to file tomorrow and again I have been reminding him of this for two months. He was telling me to just "put anything down." "Make it like last year" etc. etc. I told him how hard is it for your nurse to just put down a total of what you collected for each day? This will take no extra time for him? A while back he said, what if I just get a notebook and make a page for each day. I told him better make a page with the total for each day. The IRS will not be able to read it in another language and if it is many pages then we will have to send them all those pages if we get audited.

He fought with me about it this afternoon and again was refusing to do the accounting and I told him just get me a total, that's all I need for now to file.

Well two hours later right before he goes to his clinic, he tells me he has notebooks. He will bring the ones for 2016 and 2017 home to me and keep the 2018 there.

So he sneaks in and out last night and leaves the notebooks on his desk. You know what? His nurse has been keeping track of patients, whether they are first time or return, WITH names, EVERY SINGLE day since he opened his clinic! A page for each day. So why on earth was he pretending not to be doing this? Why on earth was he painting himself as some irresponsible schmuck who didn't give a damn when he knew he was doing the right thing all along? Why was he fighting me about doing something he was already doing and could have told me so? And why did he suddenly come clean by bringing the notebooks home?

But more importantly, how, in the middle of replay, do I address this blatant lying? It is so tempting to say gotcha, you've been caught out, because here you have presented me with the evidence. Even the lies he told OW and I, I am so tempted to challenge him on them, as he couldn't get away with denying any of it. But then will he just try to twist his brain into more of a pretzel and come up with even more excuses to explain his lies?

I did get angry at him the other night when he was trying to be controlling about something. I pointed out to him that a month before BD, he had made a statement, "I just want you to be happy" but his controlling was totally contradictory to that. I asked him when he had started lying to me and then went NC with him for 1.5 days.

I need strategies to deal with these lies. Look the other way and pretend I don't see them for now, challenge him about them, calmly ask him why? What do I do?


Offline Anjae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13732
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #29 on: June 14, 2018, 12:35:43 AM »
I need strategies to deal with these lies. Look the other way and pretend I don't see them for now, challenge him about them, calmly ask him why? What do I do?

Tell him nothing, I think.

You need to sort out the taxes, you now can do it. That is what matters.

What good will it bring to tell him something? He is a mess, there is no way of knowing why he acted the way he did, but you have what you need.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Rising Phoenix

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 493
  • Gender: Female
  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2018, 09:38:25 AM »
My h always been an avoider but is now a qualified liar. Even lied to the kids. He stood in front of them when he last left and said “ there is no ow, all that is over” he then walked out of the door and went to ow house! Xx
Me 50
H50
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Currently NC instigated by him as ow has balls in a vice!

Online OffRoad

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2648
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #31 on: June 16, 2018, 10:09:02 AM »
For me, when he lied to my face I just said, "you keep telling yourself that." I sometimes had to add "At least eventually YOU might believe it. No one else will. " And I would address it if it came up in conversation "On this day, you told me x, but on that day you proved y. Why would you lie?"  Whatever the new lie was got "You keep telling yourself that."

I don't tolerate blatant lies. It's a pet peeve. Mine didn't lie much in my presence, but about me to others.....fortunatey, I lived my life so that no one who knew me would believe it. Nothing more I could do.

I believe they lie for control.

When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Velika

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2679
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #32 on: June 16, 2018, 10:33:18 AM »
I watched a video about the brain recently that changed my perspective on what might be going on.

It said that research into lobotomized patients has shown that we all have two hemispheres of the brain that communicate, but only one can speak. What researchers discovered is that the verbal side of the brain will explain away the actions of the side without words, even when the connections have been severed.

So one explanation — on a more neurological level — is that the lies (or confabulations as bv wrote) are actually explanations of one hemisphere. They may not understand what they are articulating.

Offline nah

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6569
  • Gender: Female
  • His mlc...too bad for him
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #33 on: June 16, 2018, 10:33:44 AM »

I believe they lie for control.

Yes, and because they lost that control, mostly of themselves.

Very early on (the day after BD) mine said, "you know, I'm not THAT guy."

Even though I was still in shock I responded with, "well, apparently you are, you are THAT guy."

He became the very guy he spent his entire adult life looking down on.  So he tried to lie, he wanted to do things that were against his morals but seem to everyone else, and especially himself that he was still a "good guy".

I think thats the real reason he "vanished".  He knew I would call him on his sh!t, and I did.  IDK, maybe if we took a poll, maybe the LBSers of clingers turn the other cheek and LBSers of vanishers are more apt to get in their face.  I know I did.  So mine "vanished" and try to feed our friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, that "Nah and I are on a different page".  Nope that didn't work either b/c I was walking around like I was hit by a truck and had no problem saying, "He left and has a girlfriend."  Why should I lie?  Because he wanted me to?  Nope, I felt better when I let the truth out, so I did.

He was so angry.  He sent me a message, enraged that I let everyone know and now everyone "hates him".

Not my problem.

His lies continued.  I mentioned how lucky he was that I didn't bring up the fact that he bought a house while we were still married.  I could have dragged out the divorce with that information.  He angrily shook his head, "Now your making things up, still trying to make me out as the bad guy"

Ummm... ok let's google it right now.  It's public information.  I started to take my phone out of my purse.

"Oh whatever, you always have to be right"

 :o

Facts are facts. 

I could be wrong but I honestly don't think he was a liar our whole marriage.  He's not very good at it.
H-53
me-51
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher

Offline in it

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10466
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #34 on: June 16, 2018, 11:18:35 AM »
I'm pretty sure the ex was a liar the whole marriage. Sometimes I'd overhear conversations he'd have with people on the phone and I'd be like..huh ???
That's total bull$h!te..

The only time I really think he told me the truth was when he said all I ever meant to him was sex..
No Nah they do not like being called on their sh!t at all.

Yeah he told a sort of friend of his that I moved out..that's a lie .

I set that friend straight..he pretty much intimidated and forced me to go to my mothers house.

When when I returned to get my things two weeks later and leave him he assaults me as I'm trying to leave?

So I guess to him that's "I moved out".. ::)

I have told anybody who will listen in RL what he did. I'm not protecting him anymore. And it helped me heal.

If he doesn't like it or didn't want the truth to come out then he should have behaved better.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Offline mitten

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 161
  • Gender: Female
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #35 on: June 16, 2018, 12:01:52 PM »
Well I found a letter in H’s uni bag today.  It was from 2014 (when we were both studying).  It says that he had plagiarised one of his essays.  Basically said he had copied a whole essay from the internet and failed.  Was pretty serious as they nearly kicked hum out!  He NEVER told me about this.  I didnt have a clue.  In fact he told me he passed everything with good grades....i never even thought to question him as there was literally no sign that he was lying.  Their investigation went on for some time (6 months) and must have been stressful for him not knowing what the outcome would be....just goes to show how good he was at lying and hiding stuff especially his emotions and stress.

I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think that he didn’t tell me because I was studying at the time and he didnt want to add to my stress.  But its more likely that he felt ashamed especially as I was doing very well with my uni stuff at the time.  I think his crisis/depression started around this time...maybe even before like 2012 time, when he started uni.  I found it so strange that he decided to go to uni at the same time as me when we had small children and there was no need for him to do this course.  He only told me after he had enrolled.  I think he felt like a failure and not good enough (FOO issues) and this core belief was reinforced by other things happening in his life at the time.  In comes OW (I think around 2014 time) and bam...MLC!  It makes so much more sense to me now, especially how he could have even fallen for her.  Combo of her being a complete affair down, her having a personality disorder and knowing exactly how to be a predator and hone in on his feelings of inadequacy by comepletly stroking his ego.  Of course he felt special being her knight in shining armour because with me I think he thought he failed me and would never be good enough. 

 Its crazy how all these things become the perfect storm.  I just get scared about what else he has been lying about and for how long.  Now I wonder if he faked his MBA....although I saw him graduate.      ???
Married a loving and devoted husband and father.
No clue he didnt love until BD.
Complete change overnight in to monster.
Live in monster for 8 weeks.
Moved out to sisters Oct 2017
OW discovered as soon as he moved out- older by 10 years, worked for him as cleaner and laundry woman.  Is extremely manipulative. Has 4 children and divorced twice. EA for approx 2 years not sure how long PA.
Has been living with OW since xmas day.
Has confirmed relationship with her through solicitor and going through process of divorce (not wanted by me)

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.