Author Topic: MLC Monster Lies and More Lies - Why?  (Read 5312 times)

Online Treasur

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MLC Monster Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #80 on: August 02, 2019, 07:30:44 AM »
As you say Acorn, our shock does not change the fact that folks lie bc they want to get something or avoid something. And if people are healthier people, they lie less.

I wonder actually if the really difficult thing about it is less that they lie, and more how difficult it is for most LBS to interact with someone when all of their old assumptions no longer work. If my h said he was on a delayed train for instance, it simply never would have occurred to me that he might not be telling the truth. But postBD, we lose confidence in that don't we? So we have to change a lot of our assumptions about that person and indeed maybe ourselves too. Part of the shock I guess is that - while all of us lie sometimes - we can't imagine ourselves lying in the way our spouse apparently now does. Finding a way to adapt to that is probably more useful than chewing on why they lie  ;)
« Last Edit: August 02, 2019, 07:43:19 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #81 on: August 03, 2019, 04:23:40 AM »
They lie for shame, guilty, to hide info from the enemy, to keep you confused, to feel they have power over you, or simply because it is a reflex.

But maybe it is simply because it takes courage to tell the truth.

MLCers aren't courageous anymore.

You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Couragedearheart

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #82 on: August 05, 2019, 06:40:54 PM »
Of course they lie...if they told the truth to you or themselves they would be owning their behavior and that would come with guilt and shame. No truth=no shame.....(God laughs)
Me 36
H 36
S15
Wallower?
EA discovered 5/31/2019
BD May 31 2019
EA ongoing? 🤷‍♀️ (Who knows?)
“God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his.” C.S. Lewis

Offline Rising Phoenix

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  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #83 on: August 11, 2019, 02:49:43 AM »
What I would like to know is why lie to the kids though?

I feel they lie due to shame and guilt to the lbs but I don’t understand the lie to their children.
Example: h has said he would see the children Sunday but not until later due to work. H is not at work today as h checks his communication app with me several times a day to see if I have messaged him. I also know that working for a government dept that he does not have to give time back for hospital appts which is the excuse he has given. There is an excuse every other weekend he is supposed to see them.
This I wonder if it is due to ow monopolising h time as she is also off work and perhaps one day he will get fed up of having to put ow before his kids. I haven’t called him out in his lies to kids as I really can’t be bothered. They are not stupid.
Lies to the kids are not due to shame and guilt so why lie? Xx
Me 51
H52
Married still, 22yrs
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Lies and More Lies - Why?
« Reply #84 on: August 11, 2019, 04:37:31 AM »
Well...all I can say is... Beast lies to everyone. EVERYONE.

Me, kids, MIL, BIL, his grandparents, co-workers, strangers outside.

Lying is just about the only thing he knows.
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

 

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