Author Topic: My Story Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread  (Read 2208 times)

Online same33Topic starter

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My Story Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #110 on: June 13, 2018, 01:48:37 PM »
Hello Everyone

I am alive and well.....where the hell am I???

Well, W has told me that she filed for divorce. Apparently I have done too much damage and made her look like a fool. She confronted me about a female friend of mine. I told her all about that and everything that I knew about her affair. She still wouldn't admit to an affair. Her first reaction was all about the fact that I betrayed her by going through her stuff. That I have continued to do that. I explained that, when I have, I have always found something. Then she admitted that she fell in love with the OM, but that was all she would admit to. So, while I was traveling to visit a friend and some family, she filed. I still have not seen the papers. Being told she filed, even though I was finished standing, did hurt. I know that seeing the papers will probably mess me up a lot, for a while.

Back to making her look like a fool....So I guess that one of her best friends, one that was an accomplice in her affair, told her to let me hang myself with my female friend. But as soon as she asked me about that friend, I did tell her all about it. But she said that since I knew about her OM, and I probably told everyone about it, that I'm in the wrong for going through her stuff and then not going directly to her. I explained to her that I had confronted her many times on that and that she always lied about it. And that I gave her so many outs to try and come clean.

She looks like complete hell. It's rather sad. I can tell that she hasn't slept well since we had it out that night. We also told the kids about our divorce that night. It was a brutal night of tears and questions. My oldest said he knew it was coming. It was the first time she had shown emotion in years. At one point, she put her head on my chest and said "what the firetruck have I done?" to which I told her that only she truly knows. It was a brief moment of her trying to own something. It was very brief though.

I had been told by my boys about the new neighbors down the street a bit. I guess the guy is divorced and has several kids. But they all spent a lot of time with them while I was on my trip. I guess he has even taken them all on motorcycle rides and dancing. He walked by the house last night, to check his mail, and looked me up and down and gave me the evil eye look. Then he walked back to his house shaking his head. So that could get interesting.

Starting on July 1st, I will be staying with a friend 3-4 nights a week and she will be staying elsewhere 3-4 nights per week. We are tied to the house for another year. So that stays as home base for the boys. I'm 4 years into the difficult part of her MLC, over 5 years overall. And no matter how strong I have gotten, parts of this are still so confusing. There are still too many times that I stop to try and figure things out. And there are things that still hurt. But that hurt is because our boys deserve better. I know I deserve better, so they sure as hell do.

So I have found some happiness in other areas. But peace is not something that is likely to be the norm for some time.

I don't know when I will be back on here next. So I continue to wish you all well in your journeys.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 02:24:38 PM by same33 »
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018

Online Thunder

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #111 on: June 13, 2018, 02:35:15 PM »
OMG..YOU have done too much damage??!!  Good grief, nothing like blaming you for her affair,  ha ha

Of course you snooped, she was lying about everything.  She would have done the same thing, in your shoes.  Don't let her bull sH#T you.  You were not in the wrong in anyway, this is all on her!

Same, I know this is not what you wanted but now you need to talk with a lawyer so you know your rights.
You will need to turn your emotions off as best you can when dealing with this D.
You will need to make sure the settlement is not lopsided, but fair.  MLCer's usually are not going to be fair.  They only worry about themselves.

You can get 50/50 custody of the kids, which I would not give an inch on.

I'm so sorry same.   :(
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #112 on: June 13, 2018, 02:55:36 PM »
Same

So good to hear from you and for you to update us. If updating is in any way helpful to you then keep doing it as we love to hear from you.

You sound good and although it’s difficult you are at least not in limbo

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Online same33Topic starter

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #113 on: June 13, 2018, 03:03:41 PM »
I believe I left limboland when I decided to not stand. Though she has tried to keep me there, she didn't know I was not standing anymore.

I was merely trying to have a life. I was honest. You know, like she never was. And I think that any thought of another woman in my life threatened her ability to control me. I mean, when it comes down to it, MLC is all about escape and control.
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018

Online Thunder

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #114 on: June 13, 2018, 03:15:18 PM »
You are absolutely right.
She lost control of you....and they don't like that.

Same, just keep living your life, she'll get over it.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #115 on: June 14, 2018, 01:39:14 AM »
And I would also say wait until you see the papers.... Otherwise, it MIGHT have just been a tactic to toss you back into limboland and shove you back into the stasis box...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Thunder

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #116 on: June 14, 2018, 06:21:04 AM »
Good point, UM.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Online same33Topic starter

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #117 on: June 15, 2018, 08:24:15 AM »
I was talking with the new woman in my life about that yesterday. I still haven't seen the papers and know that I probably will be the one that has to file. Can I play the game better than W can? Probably not. But I'm working from reality, so I at least have that.

Thanks Thunder, Rose and UM for your support!
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #118 on: June 15, 2018, 10:09:13 AM »
Ooh new woman in your life - lucky lady!!

Good for you
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Online same33Topic starter

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Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Reply #119 on: June 15, 2018, 10:54:53 AM »
Ooh new woman in your life - lucky lady!!

Good for you
Rose 🌹

And very lucky me!
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018

 

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