Author Topic: My Story Life after my MLC and now my husbands  (Read 1899 times)

Offline OneHotMessTopic starter

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My Story Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« on: April 15, 2018, 09:56:25 AM »
welcome to my 5th thread of this very messy life I have been given.

Here is a recap of everything. I was in a very deep depression at the end of Dec 2016. I remember waking up from it the beginning of  January 2017. I will never forget that day. Suddenly everything was bright and happy again. I later realized that was my own awakening from MLC. H’s bd did push me back into replay but I recovered pretty quickly. Still feeling a lot of running away tendencies but definitely much better.

The Sunday before Valentine’s Day h told ILYBNILWY. then the ministering. I have been with h for 19 years and he told me I was the reason for everything bad in his life since. In March, h started his physical relationship with his 1st cousin. The last time I heard “I love you” from him was when I put him on the plane so he could spend a few days there. Of course I didn’t know about this craziness until a few days before my birthday in April when he locked me in my room, forced pizza and beer down me and he confessed his love for his cousin who was then in a mental hospital threatening suicide. He at that time told me he couldn’t live without her and if she succeeded then he would kill himself. Thanks to all of the wonderful people here I knew how to act. I didn’t cry or anything. Instead, I walked away and told him to grow up and be a father. A month later, she moved to my home state secretly. He moved out drive GA and picked her up from the mental hospital. I saw them the night he come back. A week later, I filed for divorce and started the hardest fight I have ever had to fight. I found an article today about divorcing a narcissist that explains how my divorce has been going.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201605/13-essential-tips-if-you-are-divorcing-narcissist%3famp

I do believe h had narcissistic characteristics before MLC but has been intensified 1000 times more since. I have no idea how to handle this but I will continue to fight this fight. The main fight is to protect my kids from that relationship and his cousin. She has been involuntarily committed 3 times in the past year. Has been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. I believe that she To is in the middle of a MLC and the guilt is eating her away. She has left her husband and 4 kids in GA to be involved with her 1st cousin. Here we are over a year later and the fight is still on going. H’s property settlement is still the exact same as the one he sent over in June of 2017. He wants all assets, wants me to take all the debt and responsibilities. If that isn’t running away from life then I don’t know what is.

I am finally at a point that I feel nothing looking at my h, hearing him, and I don’t take much stock in his threats. I know that I love him someplace in me but o don’t feel it at all. I just remind myself daily that I got to have him when he was the best he could be. I don't regret it at all. I met some great people. I do believe things happen for a reason. He had to work through these issues and she is there to deal with it. I couldn't and still be sane for my kids. Her husband says they won but I don't think they did. At what cost. Their sanity, happiness, and family. The people they think they have standing behind them aren't for all the right reasons. The truth will eventually find its way out.
M 40
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D7
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending. Final hearing July 11 2018 (our 20th anniversary of dating and ow birthday)

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline OneHotMessTopic starter

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2018, 09:59:01 AM »
I have gotten through this with music. I heard this song the other day for the first time. It explains everything I feel right now.

Praying by Kesha


Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams? Those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? Why? If there is a God or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I've ever known? I've ever loved? Stranded. What is the lesson? What is the point? God, give me a sign, or I have to give up. I can't do this anymore. Please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much."

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, and after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is I wish you farewell

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

I'm proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come

'Cause I can make it on my own
And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known
I've been thrown out, I've been burned ([Live version:] I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain)
When I'm finished, they won't even know your name

You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is I wish you farewell

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

Oh, sometimes, I pray for you at night
Oh, someday, maybe you'll see the light
Oh, some say, in life you gonna get what you give
But some things, only God can forgive

I hope you're somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying
M 40
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D7
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending. Final hearing July 11 2018 (our 20th anniversary of dating and ow birthday)

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline Disillusioned

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2018, 10:22:29 AM »
I'm sorry to hear how difficult this is for you and what your husband is putting you through.   I'd like to thank you for taking the time to post that narcissism link:  I think the majority of LBS's on HS will recognize these divorce behaviors in their MLCers.   The Script is the gift that keeps on giving.
M=49
W=46
D=7
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018

Offline OneHotMessTopic starter

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2018, 02:01:46 AM »
H is still determined to break me. Has hit me 3 times about settling and each time threatening me more and more. I finally told him again that we will talk through lawyers. I have a strong feeling he is on good terms with his. Probably over money or the fact that h keeps getting caught in lies but I could be wrong. I find it funny that him and his friends are keeping tabs on everything I do. For someone that wants to move on and start over he sure knows an awful lot about what I am doing. I don’t tell him or any of the friends anything but somehow he finds out. He did let it out that he drove by the other day.  Crazy crazy.
M 40
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D7
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending. Final hearing July 11 2018 (our 20th anniversary of dating and ow birthday)

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2018, 07:48:14 PM »
Attaching
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline Whyus

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2018, 05:02:49 AM »
Attaching OHM. Having to file for a D you never wanted is horrible. I had to do it too, I never thought that I had it in me tbh but it was like a breath of fresh air.
OWs h is wrong, they didnt win. You 2 are the winners, who Needs a spouce in that Frame of mind. Let them Crash and burn together, you will both be fine.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. Still together but never seen.
2 Sons - 18 & 20
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline OneHotMessTopic starter

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  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2018, 04:21:32 PM »
It is very sad what h is doing to my kids. He picked them up from my house yesterday at 130 dropped them off at a friends house so their kids could watch mine at 4. He returned to get them at 10 so they could go back to his place for bed. Yes, he makes my s13 go to bed every Saturday night by 10. This has happened the last 4 times he has had them.  He promised my son some expensive shoes and now told him he wouldn’t buy them. He bought my son a guitar for his birthday and took it away 20 minutes later. He tried putting this back on me so my son would be angry with me. All I know to say to son is “I’m sorry s, but this is between you and your dad. You need to talk to him and not be angry with me.” Am I right that they need to work this out with their dad?
M 40
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D7
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending. Final hearing July 11 2018 (our 20th anniversary of dating and ow birthday)

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2018, 09:27:19 PM »
I agree with that OHM.  Definitely between him and his dad.  His dad took you out of the equation.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline OneHotMessTopic starter

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  • Posts: 530
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  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!
Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2018, 07:07:29 AM »
Its been a pretty quiet couple of weeks since I have made it very clear to kids and their dad that their issues are between them. It took only 2 weeks for h to show my son that he can not trust anything his dad says. It was heartbreaking to hear my 13 year old say he can’t trust his dad.

I got a new proposal for divorce. This time he wants to leave the no significant other clause or not. Didn’t matter to him. He wants me and the kids to move out so they can move in and he still gets all of the assets. I told my attorney the clause will not remain in the divorce because that means I can not have anyone around until my 7 yr old is 18 but I do not want my kids left alone with that woman. Doesn’t even sound like she wants to be around the kids considering he is willing to keep it in the divorce. I decided I have nothing to lose by going to court so that is what I told my attorney. 

Today is my 40th birthday and I can’t stop the tears. It is sad that h was able to take everything from me. Friends and all. I still can’t wrap my head around why people would rather be with a man and his crazy a$$ cousin girlfriend. Why everyone says I am the bitter ex who is just lashing out because I don’t trust her around my kids and don’t feel the kids should have to be around that. H just sent me a text just now wishing me a happy birthday and my eyes instantly teared up. My last birthday I spent it in bed crying all day because of that man and I told myself I would shed a tear this year but here I am. It just hurts after 19 years of this man being my best friend and 1 year of him being with her that this is what we have become. It is very sickening. Most days I don’t even think much about him but days like today it hits you no matter how strong you think you are.
M 40
H 41
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D7
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- still pending. Final hearing July 11 2018 (our 20th anniversary of dating and ow birthday)

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0

Online Kanvan

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Re: Life after my MLC and now my husbands
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2018, 07:29:55 AM »
OHM,
I know how you feel about filing for a divorce you did not want. I just went through that myself and then H gets upset because I did it. All the while he is living with Pondscum, on drugs, gambling, etc. I had to file to protect me and S16 because otherwise I felt like he would leave us financially broke.

My boys have nothing to do with their Dad and he has a 7 month old grandson he has never seen. Very sad actually.

Happy Birthday, even though it does not feel so happy. You are the queen OHM and do not let the negative remarks bring you down. They come from people who are insecure in their own world. You are right, it does hurt. I was married for 23 years and I still love him and hope and pray one day he wakes up and wants help. In the meantime I have to focus on me and S16 and some days are harder than others but you can do this OHM. You have us all cheering you on. Sending hugs your way, girl!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced

 

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