Another blowup tonight, this time about moving house/money.
For the last year or so, my W has frequently been saying:
"I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house. I want a house."
To rent mind, not to buy. We're still not in a financial position to buy and need to save a few more tens of thousands.
This time last year we were still about 10.000,-€ in debt so looking for a new place was out of the question. Since becoming 100% debt free in July 2017 we have been on vacation four times. To Poland for a fortnight, 2 months in Australia when I had two months paid parental leave and this year twice, once to Northern Europe and then this month to Ukraine.
Whatever W's emotional priorities have been, her real financial priorities (and mine) have been these family vacations, otherwise we wouldn't have taken them and would have thrown all our energy into looking for a house to rent (and saving up to do so) rather than going away.
We do a budget together every month and not once have we mentioned setting aside cash for a move. It has never featured in our budget conversations, until tonight.
Since being away for two months, my business pipeline has been empty so there have been a few lean months with very little surplus to save. The good news is that business is picking up again (after three months hard work) and the next few months are looking much better.
Anyway, we have been looking at places online since about February 2018, we've been to see about 6-7 properties and have found one which more or less meets the criteria. I've received a draft lease, I have some questions regarding it (they want us to move in June but that is too early for us), and the agent and I have played telephone tennis all day trying to reach each other. She wanted me to speak with the guy tonight but for whatever reason it didn't happen, so I'm speaking to him tomorrow. If we can move in mid July it would be doable for us, financially, logistically, and in relation to the kids' schools.
Anway, this isn't to W's liking.
She went nuts, saying she's "sick of how long this is taking" and "You're not looking hard enough at places".
There have been times in the past year when I haven't "been looking" because, honestly, what was the point? A house move will cost about 9.000,-€ including bond, buying a kitchen, paying someone to help me move, the unexpected, the final clean-up (I'm not doing that) etc. We could do it but it would mean completely emptying our savings and investments accounts and I am done living that close to the financial abyss. Been there, done that, and there's nothing I want badly enough that I'll borrow again to make it happen, or make our savings accounts 0,00€.
And since we haven't had the money and/or been actively saving for the move - rather we've been going on holiday instead - my motivation to "look" has been zero. But we've still looked at places and found a few we liked.
I am more than happy to move. We are a family of five currently living in a 90 QM (969 square feet), two-bedroomed apartment. When we moved in five years ago we were still in her MLC and destroyed financially with about 30.000,-€ of debt. I get why she wants to move, really I do. I'd love more space, a garden, a basement for my guitars, table-tennis table, model railway - you name it.
I've ****ing had it with this kind of attitude from my W.
I will not be mealy mouthed about this. I will not make any decision which I know will cause us to financially firetruck ourselves.
I will not make any decision driven by desperation, hysteria and drama. Not ever.
And if that involves telling W stuff she wish weren't true or doesn't want to hear then so be it.