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Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Bomb dropped in 2008 | Still married and together 10 years later

s
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Following along. :)
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M: 43
H: 42
Married: 20 yrs
D19 & S18
Discovered ow 22 months ago, had been going on for 8 months prior- OW is officially gone & H is back home- H broke it off and has apologized, moved back in and seems to be working through his issues and says he is trying to heal.  Little by little he is telling me things. 
Was in replay for 34 months (approx)

T
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  • Beaten paths are for beaten men
Still here and lurking from time to time.

Went back to my old haunts in England last month for nine days and it ripped opened some old wounds.  Have been referred a very good counsellor by an old friend and I'm going to use him to get this last bit of healing done.

I'm prepared to run into any pain rather than away from it.  I need to move through and past all of this.

Hang in there gang.

The Navigator.
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Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

S
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  • Gender: Female
Glad you're getting some help for the trauma, Navigator.  The triggers go on forever and we do need help with these.

Hopefully you can both settle down and talk more.

Please remember how important this was to you to reconcile and don't throw away the chance most of us would give a lot for.
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Glad to know you're getting the help you need to help on this part of your journey.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

T
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  • Beaten paths are for beaten men
Thanks for your responses guys.

Much appreciated. 

Feeling very low at the moment.  Got to get to the bottom of this and off this merry-go-round.
  • Logged
Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

S
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  • Posts: 5476
  • Gender: Female
Our monkey braining does us a huge disfavor.  Best just to let things be and try to get to a place of acceptance, once and for all.

You have us here to cheer you on ;D
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Yeah monkey braining..hmmm.
Doesn't do any good.
Sorry you are feeling low.

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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

K
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Good for you Navigator in proactively getting help for your healing. Many of us try to push away the hurt—well I do anyway. All that does is bury it for the moment only to have it re-emerge at a most inopportune moment. So good for you. Reconnecting is rough. And you’re in the thick of it. Stay strong friend. You got this.
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

T
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  • Beaten paths are for beaten men
OK.

We have found a house, signed a rental agreement and will move in at the beginning of September.  That cooincides with the beginning of the school year in Germany too.

Completely overwhelmed with preparing for the move, looking after the children, working extra so we can save a bigger pile of money to make it happen and dealing with some issues that we have in our current apartment.  It's an old 60s building, there is some damage caused by damp and condensation which we may be liable for.

Marriage seems to be better.  Wife has insisted we have a few evenings together playing cards which we have done.  I tell her "I miss you", half tongue-in-cheek, on a regular basis because what I really mean is I miss the times when I had her all to myself.  Not that I would ever be without our three children.

We celebrated 19 years together this past week.  19 years since we had our first date.

She has been suggesting we do things together recently, to the extent that's possible with three kids.  Cards has been her idea.  I usually call her just before she picks the kids up from school as she's walking with the baby in the pram (school is a 10 minute walk from us) and he's usually sleeping then.

So much more I could write and so little time to do it.  "Baby" actually just started walking this past week too.

Feeling better than in June but still have moments of sadness and depression.  It feels like the "death" of something.  Hopefully the "death" of my old life and the beginning of a new one.  I seem to have moved past the anger from everything which occurred between 2008 and 2015.  There some hours where I feel really low at the moment and I just want to withdraw from everyone and everything other than my close family.

I'll get there, as will all of us.
  • Logged
Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

T
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  • Posts: 197
  • Gender: Male
  • Beaten paths are for beaten men
Moved into the new rental house on 1st September.

Still dealing with a bit of depression here and there.  Feeling very withdrawn and short fused. 

Can deal with my own children and wife but do my own thing at lunchtime to avoid chatting with colleagues.  Very withdrawn from just about everything other than my family.

Working pretty much every waking hour.  When I'm not at my full time role then I'm either translating or proofreading at home.

All the lights still need to be installed and curtain rails hung in our new house.  W will either have to wait until I have time or we'll have to pay someone else to come in and do the work - who probably has better DIY skills that I do anyway.

I can put furniture together, pack a moving van (I did that job for years at weekend) and fix a computer but the moment you ask me to drill holes into masonry or ceilings I'm stuffed.
  • Logged
Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

 

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