Author Topic: My Story My Story Isn't Over Yet 2  (Read 2193 times)

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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My Story My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« on: May 08, 2018, 07:38:07 AM »
Here we go again! Another new thread!!

This time I am going with a verse that stood out to me yesterday, as I really don't know what to pray for at this point and I feel weaker than I have in long time. It always amazes me what pops up though that relates to my situation.

Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

Recap:
1st BD Oct 31/17
2nd BD Dec 27/17
H has been gone since December. Minimal contact really. H the process of moving into a basement suite rented from OW friend.

I'm in our home, we haven't been able to come to an agreement of how to deal with it. I've been to a L. I deal with nice H when OW isn't around and someone completely different when OW is answering for him. I have not had contact with most of his family since Feb (besides Gran and SIL). Yesterday I decided it was time to stop the social media crap, it hurt to much to see  BIL liking OW posts etc. I have removed H, his parents, SIL and BIL that I have no contact with and the friends that were mainly his brought into our R. I feel better about this. There is nothing I need to see there, and nothing that they need to see regarding me. Truthfully the amount of time spent on social media had drastically changed. I have tried to find more encouraging things to see like support groups, HS post, postivity etc.

I have taken a mental health day today. 2nd one since this has all happened. I look back and wonder how it is I showed up for work and functioned the days immediately after BD.  :o Yesterday and today are just tears, but I think they need to come out. I feel like, after these emails we've exchanged, the reality of how lost he is to me is very apparent. This is my time to grieve that. Let the tears flow, and perhaps move on to a new chapter.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN

Previous thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9941.0
« Last Edit: May 08, 2018, 08:28:46 AM by Thunder »
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2018, 07:49:28 AM »
Following along FN. 
Yes, let them flow. That is good sometimes, and you WILL move on too another chapter.

Online Thunder

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2018, 08:29:28 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Fear.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline If_only

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2018, 09:29:37 AM »
FN- Smart about the social media - energy draining for sure!  Glad you cut yourself off it for the most part. I know you will do the right thing for you have God in your life and you will get an answer.
Sending you strong support !
Hugs If

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2018, 02:13:00 PM »
Thank you my friends for the support. :)

Helpingme- I AM moving on to a new chapter  :D. Thank you for that!

Today I packed up the rest of his personal belongings (clothes, shoes, hats, his family pics), only things that were strictly his. Nothing that we accumulated while together. They are waiting for him in the garage. He can take them or leave them, his choice, but it was time. I no longer need to see these things daily. Initially it felt good to still have his clothes in the closet, like any day he might be back. That's not going to happen. Time to let go. Let the empty space be empty for now. For him maybe a reality check that, this isn't a joke anymore, but most likely not in his muddled MLC brain.

I am going to reply to his email. It will be short and to the point. That he was unclear as to whether or not he wanted to sit down and do the minutes of settlement. I am willing to work with him on this, his initial email he had asked to sit down and document things ourselves, then he'd have it drafted up and our legal representatives would have us sign off on it. The minutes of settlement is just that, with a ball park cost. I plan on saying if he wants to go the the bank to see if they will approve him as a solo lender, it something that we will do together (it will give me an idea of his actual debt). This does not mean that I am 100% agreeing to this, but am willing to entertain the option. The proper legal documents would have to be in place. I won't be leaving the marital home in the meantime. Here's the name of my lawyer if you prefer to have your legal team deal directly through her. Please let me know when you plan on coming for your stuff and what you intend to take. Perhaps it can be ready and waiting for you in the garage for ease of moving.

If I get no where with this, then I will seriously look at retaining the L. That's about all I can do. The ball is in his court.

Funny enough I was made aware today (barely off social media 48 hours yet the info finds it way) that OW is turning 40 as well ( I really thought she was older, not to be mean, but she looks more mature ::)). It makes me wonder with her situation if she too isn't MLC (cheating, still living with H, abandoning children, taking the place of a W with a man on trip initially planned with said W within days of him walking out). Does that mean it's double the fun for them, because they are both in it?!?! :o Does it affect they way things actually happen? Is it normal for them to go find another MLC'er, who's just as loony tunes as they are? Would it maybe, help things implode? Or drag this crap out because they are both in the same fog? I guess there's no way to really know.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Thunder

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2018, 02:30:27 PM »
Oh hon, I know you're trying your best to make this work, but I just don't see him agreeing to anything you suggest.

Do you really think his ow is going to allow him to go to the bank with you??  By himself??!

His initial plan was to sit down and document things together.  Do you seriously think she will let him out of her sight to sit with his wife?  By himself??!
I just don't see either thing happening, but I hope I'm wrong.

I'm just glad you packed all his things, it really is a relief after you get them out of you line of vision every day.  Good for you.   :)
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline FearNotTopic starter

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2018, 04:06:59 PM »
Thunder, I fully expect him to disagree to it all, but I am going to offer. I don't expect that he will sit down (even though it was his idea in the beginning) being that OW needs to have her hand in all of it. All it is is agreeing to his initial suggestion. As for the bank, the lawyer suggested that, all I can do is throw it at him. Maybe if he's desperate enough for it, he'll agree, either way, I tried. Being she has her manipulative little talons in him pretty deep, I don't see it happening either. Once that recourse is final, then L it will be and she can gather her little legal team, only to realize he really will have nothing to offer her monetarily.

It does feel good to have packed up his stuff.  :) I feel like I gained a little control by doing so.
M 46
H 39
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/17

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Kitty

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2018, 06:08:51 PM »
Following along FN.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 12
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 12/22/17 - Day after legal separation signed, I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Online Thunder

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2018, 06:22:38 PM »
Yes you have Fear.

Any control you can gain is good.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline moc

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Re: My Story Isn't Over Yet 2
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2018, 08:12:07 PM »
jumping on board FN.  Glad you packed up his stuff.  I might take that suggestion soon as my MLCer W is BD same time frame as yours.  Take care of yourself.
M: 47
W: 45
S15 & S11 [from MLCer1]
BD#1: 9/2017
BD#2: 11/2017
no D filed, not seeking action at this time
Separated: 12/2017
OM: EAs up to at least 5 now.  Not sure on PAs.

 

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