Author Topic: My Story H superglued to replay,...but something positive happened to ME today!  (Read 4023 times)

Online MillyTopic starter

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Hello all and welcome to my new thread. BD this month 4 years ago. I never thought I'd still be here 4 years later. I thought if I could make it through 1 year, I'd be all better. And yet 1 year seemed like millions of months away. These 4 years passed fairly quickly. I'm going to say for newbies reading, that you sort of get into a rhythm, and life goes on.

Recap:
Married 1989, together 4 years before that.  3 kids: D23, D20, S13
H started becoming horrible about 5 years before BD.
I didn't know what was wrong with him. I knew it was a mental problem but was looking up psychopath. He had withdrawn from us, no longer spending time with us at the weekends, going out with his buddies drinking, became very angry, scary angry, anything would have him shouting his head off. I was scared, so were the girls.

He lost his F, with whom he had a bad relationship, 5 years before BD, then his M the following year, and then his sister 7 months before BD. 2 years before BD, our oldest D went off to school. I think my H really suffered when D went away, and that's when the EA started.  I believe it became PA soon after his sister died.

H is still with the alienator although they live in different countries so they don't live together. They take turns going to each other's country. H is still in replay but beginning to bear the consequences of his bad decisions and over spending. I am suing him for not having paid us maintenance since July 2015. He has many debts and continuous to add to them by living a crazy, single man's life.

Close friends of both of us have told me recently that he often cries in front of them. He's crying because he feels life has been unfair to him. He complains to them and me that he has nothing. He means no money. He has been awful monster again lately and used the threat of D as a means to upset me.

None of my kids like the OW. D23 is the one who is closest to H, D20 refuses to speak to her dad since he and OW are suing her and me for an event last August. (news on this to follow).

S13 hardly sees his dad. H comes and goes out of S's life. Sometimes he contacts and takes him out to dinner, maybe once a month, then S doesn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. We never know if he's in our country or gone.

I sold our family home and business last October. I now live in a small rental in Florence with S13. I have started working for the new owner of my old business.

Gosh, I was planning on making it a quick update. Sorry.
I'll post this and the links and then tell you my news.

Previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9885.0
« Last Edit: May 13, 2018, 07:16:07 AM by Thunder »
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline serenity

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Hello Milly

Welcome to your new thread.

Sadly your story has many similarities to mine. My H started changing about 4 years before BD. It’s hard to witness and of course we haven’t a clue at that stage what’s going on!

It took me quite a while to cotton on it really wasn’t about me at all!

I have huge regrets about not going after my H with a solicitor over finances. I was very foolish and lost so much!

Hugs

X


Online MillyTopic starter

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Hi Serenity, thanks for joining my new thread and I'm sorry you lost out financially. I think we all lost in this way, some more and some less. It hurts to reach this point in life and not have financial security or what we should have had after all the years of hard work and sacrifice.

So, I feel I might have raised all your expectations and you might be thinking I've either won the lottery or found the new love of my life. I wish (the latter)! No, it's simpler than that.

So earlier today, at lunch time, I posted on other threads but didn't want to write on my own for fear of jinxing myself. At 3pm I went to an auction. This is the 4th auction I've been involved with and they never went right for me.

I met up with the auction agent half an hour before the auction and she told me to be prepared to bid quite a bit, that the property market is moving up rapidly and there is a rush to buy at auction, so much so that it's reaching regular retail prices.

I know this is true, as this has been the problem in the previous auctions. Today, I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be buying anything. The previous times, I had a bottle of prosecco in the fridge all ready for my purchase. I'd shown everyone photos and had planned the furniture. This time I convinced myself that I didn't even want the place and unless it went for it's base price, I wasn't going to bid at all.

I have to say that I am worried that the house market is turning here and I did sell at the bottom of the market. I feel this need to buy at the bottom too otherwise the money I made on the sale of my home and business will be worth very little.

So I go into the auction hall, there are a few people, but not a lot. 12 properties were being sold at 3pm. I told the auction agent that there weren't even 12 buyers present. When I went to visit the property, half the village had turned up to view it, which had worried me.

We're sitting there and the solicitor running the auction calls out my name and asks me if the base price is ok for me. I say yes. He knocks the thing and tells me it's mine. That's it! 5 minutes and I'd bought myself a property (albeit a little one), mortgage free, in a very desirable location, at way under the market value! I can't believe it!

I didn't expect to get it at all. Neither did the agent. She told me to prepare myself for the price to double and to buy it anyway. She is 44 and also has a broken marriage. She told me she lost absolutely everything 4 years ago. This is a fairly new career for her and I'm her first full client that she's followed from scratch so she was so excited. I took her out to a lovely bar in the center of Florence for a Prosecco to celebrate.

I can't believe I was given this opportunity. I feel so empowered. I feel like I earned this, which I did I know, but this is a biggy and it's all mine, in that I own it and it's all due to my credit. No one can take it away from me.

The apartment is in the village where my old house and business is. I intend to rent it out to tourists on a weekly basis and then I'm going to take out a small mortgage and buy something else.

I have this sensation that my life is going to change in a big way in the next 5 years. This frees me up to make choices that are not long term. I don't need to buy the house for grandchildren right now. I can play around as if I were young and un-attached. All I need for now is enough room for me, S13, and my Ds when they visit.

S13 went home after school by himself, quite a long trek, bus then tram. He sent me a message at 3.30pm in English: what append? I hadn't realized that he had had expectations of the auction.  I had barely mentioned it because I hadn't wanted to disappoint him again.

I couldn't wait to get home to tell him. He was asleep when I arrived because he is a little sick. When he woke up I told him. I saw his face lift. He hasn't seen it and asked me to describe it. I said to him 'When I won this auction I felt like.....' and he finished my sentence, 'you succeeded.' I said, yes. He was so happy.

When I walked out of the auction room, I thought of H and what a miserable, lonely, sad man he's become. My MIL once said about a truck driver who honked at her for driving badly, that he was dust to the wind. She meant he was long gone in the distance and she couldn't care less what he thought. Today I thought of my H as being so far behind me. It felt good. That Karma bus, as they keep telling us, has already left the station. Today I felt it found its way across the ocean and up a windy road to the top of a hill in Tuscany.

Today was a great day for my family.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Strongcurrent

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Lovely post Milly - congratulations your are paving your way forward for you and your children - congratulations !

SC x

Offline stillbaffled

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Awesome news,  Milly!   ;D

I wish I could see pictures - I'm happy for you and the kids.   You must be on cloud nine!
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Upintheair

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Milly, it was very pleasant to read your update! Congrats! Path to a new bright light, I am happy for you :) !
Upintheair
"Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached."
Simone Weil
Bd: 03-2015

Offline Whyus

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Great News Milly, im so Happy for you..... i may be interested in a week in 2019 if its ready.
Things are looking up
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. Still together but never seen.
2 Sons - 18 & 20
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline CanLetGo

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Great news Milly, so very happy for you, go girl!!! x
Me 44
H 48
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline Keep believing

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Milly, i felt your excitement. Its great news. As for your recap, its exactly mine.  These hs just wont go there.( liminiality) .  Now ,i just want to you to be careful. Can your h claim your new property if you get d? Believe me , i hate d but sometimes you need to protect your assets.  Talk to someone to keep it secure for you especially if it will double in price!

Offline Treasur

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Lovely news, Milly - is it to live in or just as a rental for income?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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