Author Topic: Discussion MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions  (Read 2494 times)

Offline Nas

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Discussion Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #30 on: May 18, 2018, 06:42:47 AM »


I mentioned couples therapy at BD for us and h said no. I just found out they are in Couples therapy together. 😳😳



Wait a minute.  The counselor agreed to see your husband and his cousin for couples therapy? 

Can you imagine filling out the insurance form?  :o

Married?  Yes, to someone else.
Closest relative?  My cousin who is sitting right next to me, we're in luv.  ::)



Couples therapy with his cousin??  Just when I thought I'd heard it all.

Crazy enough to be in couples counseling with your still married affair partner.  Something tells me they won't be admitting to the counselor that they are cousins.

Offline OneHotMess

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2018, 02:00:14 PM »


I mentioned couples therapy at BD for us and h said no. I just found out they are in Couples therapy together. 😳😳



Wait a minute.  The counselor agreed to see your husband and his cousin for couples therapy? 

Can you imagine filling out the insurance form?  :o

Married?  Yes, to someone else.
Closest relative?  My cousin who is sitting right next to me, we're in luv.  ::)



Couples therapy with his cousin??  Just when I thought I'd heard it all.

Crazy enough to be in couples counseling with your still married affair partner.  Something tells me they won't be admitting to the counselor that they are cousins.

Yeah, they are both still married. At least my divorce is almost final. She doesn’t even wanna file for hers.
M 40
H 41
He moved out May 21,2017
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved her in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D8
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- final hearing on our 20th anniversary (July 11,2018) divorce was final August 9, 2018

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10052.150

Online Sam I Am

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #32 on: May 18, 2018, 05:58:41 PM »
When H left he only took his work clothes and some personal clothes and meds.  Left everything else.  Including his beloved dog that he took everywhere with him.  Didn't even want to visit her.

Snuck back into the house for some tools...then tried to sneak them back to the house when he was done.

The only thing I know he ever took from the house without permission was the Orange Juice I bought for my grandson.

He took the better of the vehicles when he left and eventually returned it and took the hooptie and left with me with the best one.  Gave me his pension..both houses...everything but he wanted his current salary and 1/2 of the retirement so he could by something else to live in.  He also left me with all the debt and taxes due.   He had this all worked about and dropped it on me at BD. 

A friend told me he was avoiding responsibility but yet he looked for things to do at the house and would even take care of things for my parents.

So...he called to tell me he was leaving for another woman but I could have most everything because I didn't deserve this but he was doing it for me.  YEP   
 
Now he is home and investing money in the house however he is doing it at a snails pace also.  Changing his mind again...could be...who the hell knows.

Even after returning he is not really shirking responsibility.  He doesn't always do the extras but he is taking care of things here at the house and also at my parents and occasionally for others.  He did say he gave up lawn mowing because he didn't want to be responsible to get it done o for other people.  He used to love cutting grass.  It was a get a way from things for him.  Now it is riding his bike and quite honestly he does not do that much either.

He is just not your normal MLCer at all.
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Offline DianaDeBelflor

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #33 on: May 24, 2018, 05:53:42 PM »
So... I'm not sure if this is "rejection of the material," but here goes.

My husband loves having a home gym. Loooooves. He always pestered until we bought whatever exercise equipment he wanted. The two purchases I want to talk about here are the treadmill and the exercise bike.

1. The Exercise Bike.
It was a Christmas present this past Christmas. When we got it, I noticed that he was attaching the seat backwards (the seat was facing the right way but it was sitting backwards on the adjuster part. I told him as much and was yelled at to "go away" and told that I am a "control freak." So, he put it together as he saw fit and within a couple of months the wrong pressure angle completely snapped the metal leg on which the seat was positioned. There go $300! So, he asked me to call and get it fixed. I called and after some phone and then email tag got the company to promise to send us a new bike seat. Since then, the divorce bomb has happened and the seat has not arrived. So, my husband decided that I should be calling again. When I told him that I would not and that he needs to be the one to call, he said to forget about the bike.

2. The Treadmill.
We got he treadmill in September of 2013 and purchased an extended warranty to go with it. The treadmill was on sale for about $1500 and it is a pretty good piece of equipment. Periodically, like all treadmills it needs the belt or the board replaced. No biggie. The warranty covers both labor and parts. In 2016 I bought another extended warranty plan for $250 and it can be renewed one more time in 2019. My husband uses this treadmill a lot, so, I always thought that it was worth it. Well, the belt got messed up again maybe a week or two before he asked for the divorce. I called and ordered the parts. By the time I had to set up the service itself, he had already asked for a divorce and told me not to come home so that he could see his hoe bag in peace. So, I sent him the number for the repair guy and told him to give the man a call. He says he did but the guy never got back to him. I have my doubts. Either way, when I came home at the start of May, he actually expected me to get the treadmill serviced for him. I told him that he can do it and he said that he has no time. Because of pre-deployment schedules, he has been coming home before lunch every day for the past 3 weeks. What is he doing with all this free time? He's watching YouTube on our Smart TV and texting the barracks wh*re. Last time we discussed the treadmill, he told me that he's just not going to get it fixed because it breaks all the time anyway and he doesn't see the point (This would be the 3rd time it needed service in 5 years in spite of heavy use, so, "all the time" indeed!).


So, this led me to thinking... is it possible that these people "reject" material possessions simply because they are too damn stupid and lazy to take care of these possessions?

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #34 on: May 31, 2018, 12:18:32 PM »
So, this led me to thinking... is it possible that these people "reject" material possessions simply because they are too damn stupid and lazy to take care of these possessions?

They reject their house, kids, car, pets...don't see why they wouldn't also reject possessions that were ''too much work''.  :-\
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline RedStar

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #35 on: May 31, 2018, 12:46:51 PM »
My MLCer isn't following this formula. He's taking everything that basically, he feels is rightfully his and has, amazingly, been very fair about all of it so far. He's let me have whatever I want to keep, even some items that he might have wanted. But he's a numbers guy and is mainly rational in any area that one could say numbers apply.

But he IS following the formula of the spending spree on toy after toy after toy for himself. Thankfully, these aren't huge things like cars, boats, or homes!

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #36 on: August 13, 2018, 08:44:45 AM »
Attaching

Offline Shining Star

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Re: MLC & The Rejection of Material Possessions
« Reply #37 on: August 13, 2018, 09:27:18 AM »
My H took nothing but his clothes.  At the time, I took it as another rejection - he didn't want any part of our life.  After packing up the house and moving, I understand.  He didn't want the memories.  Too many reminders.  I find that - if he touched it, sat on it, looked at it - I throw it away because it hurts to remember the story of when we bought it, or what trip we were on, etc.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

 

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