Author Topic: MLC Monster Uncomfortable Silence  (Read 380 times)

Offline Mek2018Topic starter

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MLC Monster Uncomfortable Silence
« on: May 16, 2018, 12:08:47 PM »
Was wondering if it's unusual that me and my MLC  W never speak to each other.  Since January 21st since this started we have never had more than a 3 sentence conversation.  The last time we "talked" was shortly after January 21st.  I was trying to find out what was going on with her and it caused her to leave for the guest bedroom upstairs and she hasn't left there since.

Now we just mainly text each other and leave post-it notes and it's almost always regarding the kids.

The last few texts she's sent me has been about lying about taking time away to see her "family" in NY (we live in Florida), when really it's to see the OM.  (She still doesn't know I know about the OM) I haven't responded to those texts and she hasn't nagged me for  a response yet, although, next week will be the next time she wants to see him.

We still live in the same house as we proceed with our divorce (I was served on March 12th, 2018, our 13th wedding anniversary)

The good news with being nearly completely non-verbal is that I haven't been subjected to the verbal abuse that I've read many of you have received.

I predict this will be the status quo until our divorce is finalized, hopefully before the end of this calendar year, before the tax laws change for 2019.

Does anyone else have this strange nearly non-verbal relationship?  Is this because she's extremely guilty and depressed?  Is it because she despises me soooo much?  I rarely see her, she avoids me and spends most of her time holed up upstairs in her room when I come home from work.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 01:14:41 PM by OldPilot »
M 48
W 42
Married 2005, together 2003
S 8, S 5
BD Jan 21, 2018
Divorce filed by wife March 12, 2018; Not Standing
Physical Affair BD March 23, 2018
OM 44 -

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

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Re: Uncomfortable Silence
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2018, 12:21:07 PM »
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It so sucks that you got served on your anniversary. So mean or thoughtless. I have gotten monster myself. During our marriage though I was accused of being manipulative by giving the silent treatment.  But was happening for me is that he was often combative and blaming me for stuff and I just shut down. I couldn’t sort through my feelings I just knew I felt bad. I wasn’t cheating though!

With your wife, I don’t know. My guess is tremendous feelings of guilt, uncertainty etc. that’s just a guess. Maybe her feelings are too complicated and too painful that she is also shutting down. Possibly she can’t articulate anything. Just a guess though. Hang in there! This is so tough. Xoxo
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Physically separated - he's 15 miles away
Collaborative Divorce in process (to protect myself)
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 58
OW? I don't know - probably plural

Offline Defying_Gravity

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Re: Uncomfortable Silence
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2018, 01:22:44 PM »
Does anyone else have this strange nearly non-verbal relationship?  Is this because she's extremely guilty and depressed?  Is it because she despises me soooo much?  I rarely see her, she avoids me and spends most of her time holed up upstairs in her room when I come home from work.

My h did this the first weeks after he came back. Last few weeks he's very talkative (BD is only one month ago). And then after a few talkative days. Silence mostly returns and him being upstairs all of the time. It's like he compensates his talkative periods with absolute silence. Surely he wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea  :o.

With my h the main reason is he is a Wallower. I don't know the reason why your wife acts like that.
Me: 33
H: 39
T: 9 M: almost 3
No kids, been trying to conceive for almost 3 years (with a one year break in between)
BD1: December 2017, OW sends inappropriate texts to H. H keeps this a secret until I discover it. Basically EA
March 2018: H claims having doubts about our R
BD2: April 2018: H wants a divorce and ILYBINILWY
A with OW, probably PA but no confirmation. OW is still married
H left home. I'm no longer standing. D process will start at 9/11/2018

Offline Mek2018Topic starter

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Re: Uncomfortable Silence
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2018, 02:34:14 PM »
When my wife is in the same room or I'm passing her, should I be making eye contact with her or is this a form of pressure?  I usually ignore her and don't look at her say anything.
M 48
W 42
Married 2005, together 2003
S 8, S 5
BD Jan 21, 2018
Divorce filed by wife March 12, 2018; Not Standing
Physical Affair BD March 23, 2018
OM 44 -

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Uncomfortable Silence
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2018, 07:43:16 PM »
During the 18 months my H lived at home, I was cordial when I saw him. He recoiled against the wall if we passed in the hallway, as if my touch would burn him. But for the most part, I came home from work, fixed dinner for my S15 (at the time) and myself, and if there were leftovers, offered them to H when he got home. Then I would retire to my bedroom, because talking to him was like talking to a stranger.  I did, however accept Slurpees and sub sandwiches from him, and occasionally offered rolled tacos in return.

IMO,treat her as you would a work colleague. Say hello, goodbye, good night, look at her if you want, don't if you don't. Don't expect a response or be disappointed if you don't get one. At this point, I think it's whatever you feel comfortable with.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline moc

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Re: Uncomfortable Silence
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2018, 09:50:42 PM »
I for the most part do not initiate contact.  W is the one that calls and then after I answer there is very little to talk about.  So I agree, the silence is crazy.  I mean we used to be able to talk for hours on end but now, barely 3min.  It is sad really.  I keep wondering what happened to that companion I had.  But they can sure talk/text their OP for hours like teenagers do.  With me, W is a wallower lately.  I struggle to even come up with things to talk about 95% of the time.
M: 48
W: 43
S15 & S11 [from MLCer1]
BD#1: 9/2017
BD#2: 11/2017
D in the works.  I AM DONE!!!
Separated: 12/2017
OM: EAs up to at least 6 now, 2 PAs-confirmed

 

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