Author Topic: My Story He left 2 years ago but kept seeing me, now BD. Do I keep telling him I love him  (Read 1688 times)

Offline Ausgatorgirl

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I’m no expert but maybe

“Thanks for your kind offer but I have made other plans”.

?

Sounds like he is cake eater, he has left your family, you are no longer wife.
Me: 57
H: 58
S30, D27
Together for 34 years
BD 11 August 2017
OW - yes, maybe multiple
H: Vanisher and Avoider
M: Letting go, trusting the process.

Online Thunder

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I agree.

Just a simple msg back is sufficient.  No, you are not interested.

Maybe some day down the road you can be friends again, but honestly Praying he is no ones friend right now.  Not even his own.
Just leave him be.  If he texts you and it's important a short response is good.  If it is nothing that need attention, ignore it...or wait a few days before you respond.

Try to remember this crisis takes a long time.  Nothing is going to happen anytime soon, so go on and enjoy your life as much as you can.  Let him twist in the wind.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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"Thanks. I already have plans though."

Nothing more needs to be said.....

Praying, I understand that you are really desperate for reconciliation but that is NOT going to happen in the near term, if it ever happens... this is an ultra-marathon through the mud and not a sprint to the finish.  So, that being said, the main thing to focus on is NOT reconciling but on Praying... What does Praying want in her life (besides her Mid-Lifer)? What hobbies does she have, what does she enjoy doing?   

Once you start to find the answers to these question, you can start to heal and rediscover the parts ofyou that have been neglected for a while....

Taking care of Praying is the way that leads to a happy and healthy future...

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline PrayingTopic starter

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Thanks all.  Yes, my desperation is clouding my judgement...And that’s why I need you... to remind me not to beg but to concentrate on ‘repairing’ the me that has become so very, very broken.

“Thanks but I already have plans” it is!

Offline PrayingTopic starter

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Here I stand (stand, not “standing”!) ....strong and happy!

So, my update...
I sat at home for months and cried and wailed and sobbed and never went out other than to work... then I realised that nothing changes until something changes. So I ..

Started swimming lessons.
Started golf lessons.
Started learning a new language.
Joined the gymn.
Stopped sobbing.
Stopped obsessing about why?
Stopped thinking about him with her.
Forced myself to stop thinking about him.
Stopped ALL contact with him.
Arranged and finalised a financial settlement.

And now I’m smiling more each week.  I’m socialising.
Haven’t had contact with him since May and find this is best for me.  He has contacted his sons twice in six months and his parents twice.
I don’t hate him, but best of all, for me at least, I find that I don’t love him anymore.

I’m moving on with my life.

Thanks so much for all your support.

Offline PrayingTopic starter

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And my original tag ended with “do I keep telling him I love him”.
So now I know the answer to that!

Offline Whyus

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Lovely update Praying. You go Girl, you can do whatever you want to do now. ist his loss not yours. It sounds like you will be just fine.
Not all LBS success stories are about reconciliation, most are about surviving and living a full life which you enjoy. You seem to be doing that, your H will hate it when he finds out but that is not your Problem!
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline UrsaMajor

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Not all LBS success stories are about reconciliation, most are about surviving and living a full life which you enjoy. You seem to be doing that, your H will hate it when he finds out but that is not your Problem!

In fact, very few LBS success stories are about reconciliation if the truth be told... a few are, some are about reconnection at least but the majority end up "and the LBS created a new life for themselves and lived happily ever after while the Mid-Lifer just kept doing the same old $#!t and wondered why it wasn't working."

the fact that he has contacted his parents and his kids once a quarter says he is still DEEP in the tunnel and at least into Escape and Avoid....
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Treasur

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"and the LBS created a new life for themselves and lived happily ever after while the Mid-Lifer just kept doing the same old $#!t and wondered why it wasn't working."


there should be a fairy-tale like GIF for that, UM  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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"and the LBS created a new life for themselves and lived happily ever after while the Mid-Lifer just kept doing the same old $#!t and wondered why it wasn't working."


there should be a fairy-tale like GIF for that, UM  :)

OK, since you tossed the gauntlet down...

LBS:

Mid-Lifer
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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